Yes, it’s been a long three or four years

Never shall you learn more about people than when the shit hits the fan.

How you deal with a crisis is what divides the loin from the snout. Let’s rephrase this for the vegetarians among you, not least Lorna: What divides the potato from the peel. Please do remind me to buy a new peeler. My last one has bitten the dust.

One of the pig tails in my life has proven stupid. Not stupid as in the ‘village idiot’. Village idiots have an innate wisdom if only you take the time to sit next to them. Or walk with them. No, stupid as in ‘emotional’ intelligence being at the lower end of the spectrum. Which, to my relief, has helped me to let go of someone.  Have come to conclusion that losing respect is the ultimate turn-off in any relationship. Even that with a sister.

U

Per favore

Dearest Sweetest Hearts, you have missed me dreadfully the last three weeks, haven’t you? As I have myself. You do not need to admit to it since immaterial to me.

Sometimes I wish there were a shoulder I could throw myself at and CRY.  Doesn’t fit the image, does it: Ursula, weeping. Dear Dog in Heaven. What’s the world coming to?

Self satisfieds may stay away from my comment box. You are too good to be true. It’s why I have stopped commenting on some blogs. Can’t stand the same rose tinted repetition of empty reassurance that your world is well.

My life is good. Doesn’t mean that odd shit doesn’t happen. It does. I resent people who belittle the bad. And tell me in the manner of those – loathed by me – self help books to focus on the “bright and beautiful”. Fuck off. I do love, say, sunflowers; that’s easy. I do focus on that which is not so great, eg blackfly on your roses. Bright and beautiful can look after itself. It’s the dark corners that need attention. And when a room is facing North not even a Californian Pollyanna will make the sun shine there. Feeling better now. Hope some of you reflect and feel a lot worse than you did a minute ago. And please do contemplate the luxury of your Smeg Fridge/Freezer (no need for north facing anything). And never ever take anything for granted. Neither will you splash more than from a height.

Am livid this minute. Not least because my blog has lost its footing, its thread. Only about two days ago I said to one of the kinder people walking this earth that on blogs you tread a fine line between the haha and the personal.  Who cares? I don’t any longer. In the end what does matter? What does matter? Really?  Personal question. I know what matters to me. Neither will I make a song and dance about it. And yes, the unthinkable has happened: I do carry something in my heart. Akin to hatred? Don’t know yet. But it’s not good.

And then you have friends.

Friends do draw you out and throw it back at you. And will engage in that which amounts to a friendly snow ball fight.

In that spirit yours,

U

Fights and Feuds

Conrad, this week’s leader of Consortium fame, chose the subject of “Friends and Enemies”.

I challenge any of the consortium and its readers to think of an enemy in their lives – and I guarantee you that you won’t find even ONE measly one. You might be able to name people you wish you’d never met, are disappointed in, detest, despise, fight, hate, have arguments with, but an ENEMY? Most unlikely.

U

Sitting duck

Trust me on this one:

THINGS WILL GET WORSE BEFORE THEY GET WORSE …

2009 was living proof to me – a rather startling year, even by my standards. At regular intervals it [the year] delivered unpleasant surprises (and that doesn’t include discovery of  the consortium). A rabbit caught in the headlights of a car had nothing on me.

Seventeen days into 2010 and I try to sit still as not to walk into the next disaster (which in itself is a disaster since I need to keep moving). And, as I AM the disaster area it’s all getting rather complicated. Annotation: It got so bad (say April) that a friend of mine started taking tranquilizers on my behalf: Did I feel guilty? Hell no, it’s MY life: If I can cope with my downfalls so can everyone else. Since I am now in the elevated circles of the humoUr brigade let me tell you what I found: When you are in a real shithole (and I mean real) people will be most unforgiving if you still see the funny side in your own misfortune: It cost me friends, no joke.

Seriously yours,

U

PS And no, I am not writing this from prison