Bitch on the Blog

January 10, 2010

As if it were needed – CROAK 1

Filed under: Uncategorized — bitchontheblog @ 05:24

Conrad,  I am disappointed with myself.

Further proof that I am not a man: The more testosterone you have been exposed to in the womb the more likely that your ring finger will be longer than your index finger. In women both are ususally the same length. It’s a blow; it really is. Couldn’t I have been administered just enough testosterone to, at least, make me into a believable harpy?




  1. My ring finger is longer than my index finger. I assume that’s why I did well in spatial orientation tests and had no trouble visualizing in 3-D? Does that make me a believable harpy?

    Comment by Cheerful Monk — January 10, 2010 @ 05:37 | Reply

    • Being Henry Kissinger in drag I shall not comment on your harpy bit. There are already too many people in my life currently not talking to me without upping numbers.

      Spatial orientation. It’s a fascinating subject to me. And there is no doubt whatsoever that men, on the whole, have the edge over women which is the reason why there are more male than women plumbers (my God, try and find your way round all those bends and pipes, takes a geek’s brain to find the patience for it). However, and I believe I said this in one of my comments on the consortium’s blogs, I am a mean parker able to squeeze the largest car into the tiniest space along a curb. Yet, the shame of it, give me a map when not in the driving seat and I will have to turn it upside down to know whether to turn left or right. It caused quite a bit of tension between me and my then husband (who drives at German speed with the manners of an Italian in Rome). I remember one occasion on our way to Ascot (we were late for a corporate event) I nearly puked into the damn hat I had to wear. From which you may deduct that my stomach is not good at TENSION. Never has been.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — January 10, 2010 @ 06:02 | Reply

      • And just what’s wrong with being a geek?

        If parallel parking had been on my driving test I would never have gotten my license. 😉

        Comment by Cheerful Monk — January 10, 2010 @ 17:38 | Reply

        • There is not A LOT wrong with being a geek – except it’s a bit trying on their friends. And when it comes to fine tuning one’s computer they are positively godsend. True geeks are, apparently, somewhere on the autistic spectrum, hence mostly male (unless, of course, a woman’s ring finger is longer than her index one).

          Parallel parking not part of your driving test? My dear Jean – that is outrageous. I hope you know how to do a three point turn.


          Comment by Ursula — January 10, 2010 @ 18:11 | Reply

          • U. so you know that geeks are usually autistic. (I’m impressed.) Though we call it Asperger, lowest on the scale of autism, so that they can function–best as a geek. Jean, the geek, functions well socially too.

            Comment by bikehikebabe — January 10, 2010 @ 18:38 | Reply

          • What’s a three-point turn? I drive as little as possible because of my eyes. Staying off the road (except as a passenger) is one of my major contributions to my fellow humans.

            Comment by Cheerful Monk — January 10, 2010 @ 20:19 | Reply

            • Jean, if you are not driving that much any longer there is no point explaining the “three point turn” to you. It comes in useful about once a year and was invented by driving instructors mainly to test their pupils’ nerve. Mind you, it’s dead easy.

              Needless to say that after having moved to England from the motherland I had to retake my driving test after a year. Yes, AFTER A YEAR. The logic of which escapes me to this day: First they allow a foreigner onto the roads of Great Britain and remember, as far as I was concerned I was driving on the “wrong” side of the road. Then, when you haven’t killed yourself or anyone else taking in the sights during those first twelve months, you are asked to pass the test if you want to keep driving.

              Don’t ask. Naturally, I failed in the first round. My tester thought me too cocky and confident; also I should have looked into the back mirror but apparently didn’t – how does he know? I always look in the back mirror. An hour later back at the office there was my boss (one of the most amazing women I have ever met), expectantly, with a bottle of champagne at the ready. She still opened it. And another one the next time – when I passed.


              Comment by bitchontheblog — January 11, 2010 @ 04:16 | Reply

  2. Very interesting fact. My ring finger & index finger are the same length. I have small hips though. I’ve always been disappointed that I didn’t get big wide female hips. I had 4 babies though & no miscarriages.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — January 10, 2010 @ 16:04 | Reply

    • This is what I love about you, Bike Hike Babe: One moment we are talking fingers the next waist to hip ratio.

      As to babies: I remember being asked about my shoesize in order to assess size of pelvis and expected ease of delivery. Which is all fine and dandy except my son couldn’t make up his mind whether to stay in or finally face his mother. Eventually the doctor threatened me with ‘theatre’ and I quote the midwife: “This baby has to come out” (Tell me about it, I thought that was the whole idea). Ever considerate he spared me the operation and made an appearance. To this day it’s difficult to get him out of bed.


      Comment by Ursula — January 10, 2010 @ 18:21 | Reply

  3. The nurses were arguing who would prep me when Kaitlin settled the argument…no time for that nonsense. She was ready to take on the world. She slept through the night a week and one day after we came home from the hospital. I promised her I would love her forever no matter what she ever did. I kept that promise.

    Comment by Cheerful Monk — January 10, 2010 @ 20:30 | Reply

    • Kaitlin slept through the night A WEEK and ONE DAY after you came home from hospital? How long were you in hospital for? I left 30 hours after delivery since staff deemed me to be a natural. The final frontier being the loo – and if you can deliver they’ll let you go. I did and I went.

      In the first fifteen months of my son’s life I never slept longer than 2.5 hrs at a stretch. He was fully breastfed and, of course, a baby’s stomach can only take so much at a time, therefore having to be topped up at short intervals. The first time he slept through the night I was frantic. I kept checking on him every few minutes to see whether he was still alive. Worst night of my life.


      Comment by Ursula — January 11, 2010 @ 03:40 | Reply

      • We had to stay three days as I recall. It was a nice place except they allowed smoking and my roommate’s visitors smoked up a storm. That’s one change in the world that I welcome.

        Yes, I’ve heard horror stories about babies not sleeping through the night. I had sense enough to know how lucky I was. Also when I was still in the delivery room after Kaitlin was born I told the doctor, “I thought it was supposed to hurt.” He said, “Don’t complain!”

        Andy had told me I had a childbearing figure so I wasn’t concerned about the delivery until early in my pregnancy. One of the doctors said I would have to have a C-section. I told him about Andy’s theory and the doctor said it’s the internal structure that counts, and the way the baby is positioned. So I stopped reading books on natural childbirth until a few weeks before she was due. Then the doctor said they might try a trial labor first and if that didn’t work they would do the C-section. That sounded like the worst of both possible worlds but I went back to the books and learning how to breathe.

        In fact I was swimming every day, including the breast stroke with it’s frog kick, and my guess is that was the best preparation I could have done. Anyway, it worked just fine for me. I wasn’t about to have another child just to check out my theory. 😉

        One thing is clear…the doctors didn’t have a clue.

        Comment by Cheerful Monk — January 11, 2010 @ 04:02 | Reply

        • Those long nights were no horror for me. I loved it – and am a natural cat napper anyway. Look at me now: It’s five in the morning and I am writing to you. Whilst being a night creature like his mother he sleeps for England. 12 hours at a stretch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In a reversal of fortunes I now need buckets of cold water to get him moving (which I only employ when he has a pressing engagement like, say, college or imminent arrival of friends).

          Maybe of interest to the scientist in you: My placenta blocking exit I was booked in for a Caesarian on 19 9 1991 (a Palindrome). The occasion of a date being able to be read backwards the same as forward does not occur often. As it happened dearest placenta moved at five minutes to midnight and we went the normal way (27/09/91).


          Comment by bitchontheblog — January 11, 2010 @ 05:27 | Reply

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