Bitch on the Blog

January 10, 2010


Filed under: Uncategorized — bitchontheblog @ 05:11
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I don’t do Twitter though I love birds; however, my boredom threshold is pretty low.

Gays (I don’t know any lesbians, they avoid me) are absolutely amazing at twittering. They will give you hourly updates – whilst mixing a Martini – as to just having cut their toe nails, having purchased a cashmere jumper  (complete with photograph)  and/or of minutest progress when having met the man of their nightmares. Should any gay guys stumble on this awful generalisation of mine please rest assured: I am in love – such is my luck – with a gay man. So anything I say on the subject is my bird’s eye view distorted by grief over yet another lovely male specimen lost to womankind.

Where was I? Twitter.  Since I am supposed to take my blog seriously I will interject fleeting thoughts (not hourly)  under the heading “Croak” as I don’t tweet and my voice is pretty hoarse (think Marlene Dietrich after a night on the tiles). And yes, I will stick to the prescribed 145 key strokes or under: Makes for discipline.

My first will be dedicated to one of the founding members of my blog: The good Conrad himself. Which reminds me, Con: Where art thou?




  1. I don’t know HOW to Twitter. (I’m not a bird watcher.) If I did know how I wouldn’t get any jobs done. I must tell you that I’ve just got dressed in my old clothes. I have closets full of nice clothes too good to wear. But I’ll brush my hair. I’ll walk up the stairs (8 times to get exercise), go to the kitchen & eat my breakfast concoction which has been soaking all night. Tom went downhill skiing with Snakelady’s husband.–Oh this is suppose to be about me– I can’t downhill ski yet. Might fall & do-in a joint replacement. After eating I’ll brush my teeth. Go outside & see if coyotes ate what I left for them; don’t throw scrapes away. I’ll shovel snow off edge of driveway onto grass to melt & help that. Then hmmmmmm I’ll let you know.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — January 10, 2010 @ 15:55 | Reply

    • Your stab at tweeting is charming and paints a picture.

      Two points – and this is the trouble when you let people into your private life:

      Don’t brush your teeth immediately after eating. It’s a complete myth that it’s good for you. All it does is damage the enamel of your gnashers unless your current teeth are substitutes for the real thing. Try and tell this well researched fact to my sisters who have nine children between them. They are all made to line up after breakfast (and orange juice!!!! – and no I am not a dentist) to clean their teeth. Do my sisters follow my advice? Of course not. Still, dentists need to be kept in business too.

      Second point: Don’t keep clothes for “too good to wear”. Just wear them.

      Your shoulder and hip replacements do my head in. I rely on my mother who is still in one unblemished piece to have passed me on the genes that will protect me till I am at least 101 years of age. However, if you can still shovel snow that gives me hope. As to coyotes: I am fascinated by them. Also have a thing for wolves. Do you remember Jack London’s “Call of the Wild”? Please be kind enough to stick a pin in the map so I know where you are.

      Keep tweeting.


      Comment by Ursula — January 10, 2010 @ 18:44 | Reply

  2. I’m taking your advice & not brushing teeth every time I eat. Will mostly use water pick & flossing, which I also did.

    I got hit by a car, while on my bicycle 21 years ago, which cracked my pelvis. That lead to a new hip.
    Don’t know what does shoulder damage. Did a lot of kayak paddling & leaning on bicycle handlebars. Just glad there was a fix.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — January 10, 2010 @ 19:43 | Reply

    • Cynthia, cars and bikes do not mix. A bike suddenly appearing from nowhere is this car driver’s nightmare. It is also one of the reasons I actively discourage my son from using his bike in town: Walk, use your skateboard, whatever gives you some sort of control when out there in the traffic. Bikes are lethal. There is just no contest between a ton of metal and one’s skull, helmet or not.

      You (luckily) “only” broke your pelvis: You still have a functioning brain without which, in my opinion, we are nothing.


      PS Water pick is great! I swear by it.

      Comment by bitchontheblog — January 12, 2010 @ 18:22 | Reply

      • We’ve lived here for 51 years. Tom (husband) has bicycled to work, in the heaviest traffic, everyday except for snow. The traffic is workers going to the Lab (Los Alamos National Laboratory). That’s everybody working. We don’t have any other industry here.

        I keep telling him how he’ll be killed going around a certain bend, where cars crowd you on a bicycle. He says he’s going the same speed or faster than the cars. He always comes home alive.

        Comment by bikehikebabe — January 12, 2010 @ 20:13 | Reply

        • I love you Bike Hike Babe: “He always comes home alive”. Do you have any idea what a brilliant opening sentence that is to any novel or short story?

          I could kiss you.


          Comment by bitchontheblog — January 12, 2010 @ 20:23 | Reply

  3. Now I’m brushing my teeth with a soft brush, using a big bottle of Listerine which I never used & bought 15 years ago. (I don’t throw out anything in case I might need it later.)

    Ophra once said she doesn’t use toothpaste; didn’t say why not. (Because the toothpaste companies might sue her, Id guess.)

    Comment by bikehikebabe — January 12, 2010 @ 20:23 | Reply

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