Bitch on the Blog

May 17, 2010


Filed under: Food,Happiness — bitchontheblog @ 13:48
Tags: , , ,

I probably don’t come across as the type of person who makes time to bake her own bread. Yet, I do. English pap is rubbish if ever there was one, and expensive too. Not that the expense of a loaf of bread matters to me if only it [the bread] were worth it. It isn’t. If there is one complaint, apart from all the others, that visitors from mainland Europe – where breadmaking is an ART – will make: It’s about the dismal results of your average British bakery. So putting myself out to bake the bake is a form of self-defense.

Except sometimes, like just now, it backfires. I put my dead-foolproof-put-together-in-five-minutes dough onto a shelf in the conservatory (that’s a south-facing wintergarten to most of us) to RISE thus allowing it to double its size. Rise it did. Naturally I forgot all about it. Now the enthusiastically rising dough has spilled itself all over onto some of my paper files temporarily stored on the shelf underneath. Which means that I have just realised the beauty of reaching a certain age: You are past caring. And no one, other than myself and readers of this blog, will ever know how I bodge my life.

The loaf is in the oven.




  1. My son Paul asked me if I wanted Carol’s Rock Bread recipe. I told him all my bread is rock bread.

    I don’t use white flour & the yeast doesn’t do much for whole wheat, oat, rye & buck wheat flour. It’s good anyway when just out of the bread-maker & hot. Who cares later. It’s good for you, my motto.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — May 17, 2010 @ 15:03 | Reply

    • I beg your pardon, Bike Hike Babe: Breadmaker? It’s all in the kneeding.

      Spelt flour and seeds are brilliant if you want nutty bite. What’s come over me, BHB? Can’t believe I am wasting precious blogging space on baking.

      Mind you, and this is a ridiculously stupid story, though funny at the time: Purist that I am, some years ago I mixed my own sour dough STARTER. It’s a protracted process (the antechamber on your way to hell); the starter keeps bubbling, expanding, needs to be reduced, then “fed” (no kidding) over what appears to be an eternity. At some point you wonder what ever possessed you but still – when given to my brand of temperament (never give up) – you live with the fall-out. And the fall-out was spectacular. I’ll spare you the detail. It’s too painful to relive. Was it worth it? Yes, because, like previously mentioned long living tortoises and elephants, in rural Italy big bosomed Mamas pass their “STARTER” down the generations. True, no bull. My son’s grandchildren can’t wait.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 17, 2010 @ 19:05 | Reply

      • I have some sour dough starter on the shelf. It looks like dried yeast, but a smaller grain. I didn’t know what to do with it. I still don’t. But I don’t want to be in the “antechamber on my way to hell”, so I’ll leave it on the shelf.

        Comment by bikehikebabe — May 17, 2010 @ 20:26 | Reply

  2. Ursula,
    My husband and I do worse things than that almost every day. A sense of humor is a survival trait.

    Comment by Cheerful Monk — May 17, 2010 @ 17:48 | Reply

    • Jean, glad to hear than you aren’t perfect either. As to survival: When you live my life you need humoUr with a mega U. Otherwise you’d just pull the duvet over your head and sigh. My answer to BHB’s comment might give you another glimpse into my tortured soul; I’d love tosend you a loaf of my sour dough bread, and any other. But postal services across the Atlantic being what they are you might get the wrong impression of me – hard and dry.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 17, 2010 @ 19:12 | Reply

  3. Hey! There are good breads in the UK and there always have been. Nowadays finding them is hard..I blame Tesco!
    And now I have to go and wash my hands after using bad language!

    Comment by magpie11 — May 17, 2010 @ 17:50 | Reply

    • Well, Magpie, you said it the other day: You are predictable (at times). I knew it, I knew it, I knew it when I wrote my damming piece on British crust that you’d spring to its defence. Obviously we all need some of British best, specially sliced to thickness fitting into your average toaster: Where else would we be able to spread marmalade and Marmite (both of which, when the mood takes me, I am quite partial to)?

      Yes, I too blame Tesco for everything. Particularly when I am on shopping autopilot only to find that they have rearranged their isles and shelves. However, their fresh fish counter can’t be faulted.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 17, 2010 @ 19:27 | Reply

    • Crappy bread hasn’t made it to Sweden yet. ALL their bread is wonderful.

      Comment by bikehikebabe — May 17, 2010 @ 20:27 | Reply

      • My point entirely – across the Channel and you are in bread heaven. Hope Magpie will not read this as I don’t want to hurt his national pride; though, luckily, it appears that his loyalties are divided.


        Comment by bitchontheblog — May 18, 2010 @ 04:52 | Reply

  4. All the heavy flours can be used in pancakes & with the eggs, are light. Add walnuts & mashed fruit to the mix & they are delectable.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — May 17, 2010 @ 20:34 | Reply

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