Bitch on the Blog

June 2, 2010

Thoughtless pause

Filed under: Despair,Happiness — bitchontheblog @ 15:20

Sweethearts, that’s the trouble with moving house and decluttering at the same time: You get sidetracked and consequently nowhere.

I am unhappy to admit that I found a book in my possession a chapter of which asks you to count your blessings and awards points for each question.  Why are people so competitive (that’s MY question).  Still, for those of you who are in daily need of a dose of self congratulatory smugness I shall waste my currently not so valuable time on listing:

“Are you alive?”  If yes, please do award yourself 10 points.

And, Ramana take note: “Are your parents still alive?”  If yes, another 4 points are yours. If you are still on “talking terms with them”  you can add another four points, the logic of which escapes me:  My father hasn’t talked to me for at least nine months and I am so much happier for it. Test paper does not specify whether you are expected to subtract two should you be half orphaned. 

Having found God only ranks at three points – but then playing hide and seek is not exactly up there with the most entertaining leisure pursuits, is it. Having found YOURSELF will give you a lowly 2 which I second since the notion of  “finding yourself” is pretentious crap.

You’ll score various not worth adding up points at having children (unless you have four like gaelikaa and BHB), being homeless or your country being at war. They forgot to ask which papers you read on a regular basis bending your mind in the direction you are already going. 

For those who aim high: Regular bowel movements come in at 8 (the highest awarded after being alive).  So stay regular. “Having a sense of humour” is what divides the ninnies from the survivors: Answer with a misguided “Yes” and you’ll score ONE; answer with a resounding NO and you may add 4 points.

Go get your calculators and do the maths.

U

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1 Comment »

  1. Having 4 children is up there in points with homeless & War. Well, yes, it is a challenge unless you know not to boss them & let them run wild, i.e. be themselves. (You serve as a role model.) I only found that out after they were all gone.

    Finding yourself deserves more points. It means to find what you’d enjoy doing most. With the kids, it was all staked out, but after they left, I had no clue. I went into sports, because it’s good for you.

    I have several BMs a day because of the raw veggies I eat, which is also good for you. 🙂

    I’m not as alive as I was when young. How many points do I subtract from 10?

    Comment by bikehikebabe — June 2, 2010 @ 16:02 | Reply


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