Bitch on the Blog

January 23, 2011

Freshly pressed

WordPress really does get on my nerves. They are wonderful in many ways – not least by allowing me to spout my stream of consciousness,  free of charge, amongst you. HOWEVER, in their dashboard section they’ll give you information I neither DESIRE nor NEED. Which is why I rarely check it except  I am forced to since I have found out that poor good old Magpie goes straight into spam; and I’d hate to miss any of his few utterings. Great isn’t it: To find Magpie I have to rummage through rubbish. The things you do for birds. Odd, and the thought had never occurred to me till this morning when I ventured out, living so close to the harbour all there seem to be about are seagulls. They are mainly white, huge – and they SHRIEK. Once you find yourself, as I did about half an hour ago, saying to a seagull “Oh, shut up, will you?” you know that you haven’t got long before the white van draws up in front of your house.

Songbirds. Where are they? My school girl wisdom reminds me that they fly somewhere during winter (which is why I so love robins: They stay put and stick it out). But down here, South of England, literally a two minute walk away from the coast (make that 30 seconds if you have my son’s long legs) and the climate being so very very VERY mild due to proximity of Golfstrom, it doesn’t make sense. The other day, and maybe I am now hearing things on top of going mad, there was the dawn chorus in a tree. I heard them but couldn’t SEE anything.

BHB, I am sure there is a pill a doctor could force feed me to stop hearing bird song where there isn’t any but would I cherrish the silence?

Yes, wordpress, one of these days I really will lose the plot and not get back to subject in hand: So there they [wordpress] are with their dashboard – Jean, here is a question for you: Why are people so bloody competitive? What’s a dashbord when it’s not in a car? Everything is made into some sort of race. I like to meander at my own – sedate –  pace and if that means that everyone else is overtaking me they’ll be the first to bump into a lamppost. Naturally MY job being to call an ambulance to pick up their pieces. Anyway, wordpress … Top searches on my blog and I have – after much deliberation – decided NOT to cry is, drumrolls please: “gay muscle blogs with comment section”. I do not even google gay since I am cured by the gay guy in my life who can count himself lucky that I will not name him. Neither do I need muscle. If, since breakage, I need anything leveraged I will ask son and not expect any movement till about five weeks later.  Now “comment section” that’s different. That’s where you’ll sort the men from the boys or the gays from the not so narcisstic. I know Jean condems resentment for the waste of time it is. However, I allow myself a lot of things in small doses: I therefore resent my dearest gay friend – at about 0.000000000000000005 g a day – that he is such a ninny that he will not publish comments. Naturally, he reads – and if he denies he does he REALLY is a ninny – my emails. Which I hope will cause him all the pain he is capable of feeling. Don’t say that I am not beyond something akin to REVENGE. Though still have problems with the concept as deliberated upon by members of the Consortium. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, another Mother Theresa in the making.




  1. hello there…let us see what happens this time… If i get passed into spam it may be because I haven’t logged in.

    As for Birds: We have little Peggy Dishwater(Motacilla alba) around here in winter. This is interesting because I always thought that the Pied Wagtail was the species. I once had an argument at school with one Lee Emerson who declared that that there was a species called the White Wagtail and I said there wasn’t. Now it appears that some say that the Pied is actually a Subspecies of the white …I wish these birdy types would make up their minds.

    We also have Blue Tits, Great Tits and coal Tits along with the occasional flock of Long-Tailed Tits. With the demise of the House Sparrow it is noticeable that we have flocks of Gold Finches around here.

    There are flocks of Gulls too. These have become resident of late actually appearing to nest on top of the local factory buildings….which type they are I find it hard to tell. In addition we have various Corvids too: Magpies, Crows, Jackdaws and Jays…

    Re Mother Theresa…I was never fully convinced about her. Apparently<I find out, she was nasty to men. Typical over enthusiastic Pauline.

    REVENGE…. Women do most delight in revenge. ( Sir Thomas Browne: He's the Bloke my father once pointed to , in statue form, and said,"You are going to be like that man. Byron said something similar.

    Now we shall see if this is Spam!

    Comment by Magpie 11 — January 23, 2011 @ 16:34 | Reply

    • No, it’s not spam. And I am delighted to hear from you.

      You are so lucky with your bird population. A few days ago I came across wooden bird houses being sold in some shop. I was touched. So very very very touched. Also mystfied why they would sell them in Central Southampton. There is – currently, for me – nowhere to hang one. I am making do with birdsong on CDs I recently dug up on my shelves (remember Madame De Clutteur) after your Attenborough contribution. I grew up with an Alsation, I forced my father to accept a budgerigar as a pet. If you want to know what happened to the budgie I will tell you but it’s not a pretty story and I am so glad it’s now too late to phone my father (my parents keeping to a strict timetable I wish they had had in place when I was little – children thrive on routine); I had pets BY PROXY since my sisters were better (or maybe my father was just worn down) at procuring pets in the house.

      When Apple of my Eye was little we had goldfish, then he asked for a dog. I rarely put my foot down but felt need to remind him that dogs need to be taken for walks come rain, that they poo which needs to be scooped (new law just having been introduced). And that – for once and at least for five minutes – I’d refuse to do the hard work. My son – and being considerate – follows the long line of intelligentsia on both sides of the family. So he decided on a cat. Excellent. I loved the cat. As we did her litter. One of which (the son) we kept.

      Goldfish. It was bliss. Bowl and all. I also read up on them. Goldfish’s memory does not last longer than one cycle round the bowl. How scientists know this I will not ask. Wish I were a goldfish. Then it all went belly up. Son in school, myself phoning vet: How do you put a goldfish out of its misery as best you can at NO risk of jeopardizing human’s mind doing the deed? Do ask if you wish.

      On pick up I discharged myself of news of Oscar’s death magnificently. There were tears. I encourge tears: So much less spillage years on. Had presence of mind not to serve Bird Eyes best Fish Fingers that night. A few weeks later … see above … I bought a litter tray, a cat flap. Well, now both mother and son are dead. Nine years of my grumbling, and I so miss them; in both their stupid and endearing ways. Apart from the goose.

      So there you and my beloved birds are, Magpie. Intriguing, don’t you think, the cycles of life. In my defence I will say that I never had cats when I had goldfish, I never had a dog when I had cats (judging by some of the footage BHB sent me dogs are complete and utter softies – rarely have I laughed so much). Now I don’t even have one of those hateful, have forgotten their name for the moment, things you find in restaurant kitchens. Still, I do live in hope that Conrad in one of his softer moments, he seems a little tense just now, will send me a dung beetle. Yo, Magpie, could send me a bird (no, not in a cage). BHB might lend me one of her dragon slayers, Jean will gently kiss a white dove on its head before attaching a little yellow post it on its chest with my address on it. Ramana will implore his kharma not to be reincarnated as me.

      And I will shut up, for the moment.

      As ever, and not rummaging in garbage, yours,

      Comment by bitchontheblog — January 23, 2011 @ 17:43 | Reply

  2. Ooh! It seems that I am not spammed this time!…no I mean It seems that i was not spammed last time!

    Let’s see now that I am logged in……

    Apparently I am subscribed to this Blog ……

    Comment by magpie11 — January 23, 2011 @ 16:44 | Reply

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