Bitch on the Blog

February 9, 2011

Productive Pause

Mate Jean has her knickers in knots (to remind her of all those instructions that miserable producer of mediocre plays keeps giving her), and I have mine in a twist.

Not least because Magpie claims that he doesn’t know about Hansel and Gretel. Apart from the fact that I do not believe him how can anyone make it to adulthood without learning that leaving a trail of breadcrumbs will NOT lead you out of the woods again? Luckily Magpie has no ambition to take over the roles of Tinkerbell and/or Peter Pan. Mainly because he has NOT grasped that this is a sordid play.  Anyway, after all that indignant palaver a year or so ago when I fashioned Magpie into my beloved Daphne (Jack Lemmon) tottering along in women’s clothes and high heels, do you seriously think I want Con and GM on my back again by introducing underage characters played on stage by a middle aged man? You’ve got to be kidding. Con has made rod for my back and I’ll carry it till it [that’s my back] brakes – with Con flying off into the middle distance by dint of law of physics. That’s it. No more tottering. Only staggered.

In no particular order – and this trailer for one is steaming: Looney is to be admired in his compliance with my wishes. If I want him to be a traffic warden he is there with pen and pad poised, quite unperturbed by any choice words flying his way; if I transplant him onto a traffic island he will show you the way – fumes or not. He is easy and will get full whack (that’s Brit. for ‘dosh’ =  Brit. for ‘money’). As an aside: It’s all very well with British and Americans, supposedly, speaking the same language. Let’s say there is an overlap.

One tries to bridge the gap.

Even producers weep: I wish I were Oscar Wilde, Tennessee Williams and Sergio Leone rolled into one. Can you imagine it? The wit, the smouldering, the shooting! The Cons and GMs of this world to be written out of script to be replaced by the truly bad and the frighteningly ugly. As it is I feel like walking through molasses. Philosopher’s question: When does one emerge like a little budgerigar from its water bath as a fully plummed hawk soaring the skies?

Snoopy I’ll see to in a minute.




  1. Yes, I remember when you got slammed down because you thought Magpie wore high heels. They knew that Magpie is a man, but you didn’t know. Nor did I. One should never assume, a bad condition, that what you know everybody knows.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — February 9, 2011 @ 16:20 | Reply

    • I would need to be paid a large stipend if I were to be persuaded to wear high heels….or even slip-ons I think. I saw my mother get her court shoes and the like stuck in the mud too often to be so daft!

      Comment by Magpie 11 — February 9, 2011 @ 17:27 | Reply

    • Oh BHB, of course I knew that Magpie was a man by the time I had him tottering around as Daphne. What would have been the point otherwise? Any WOMAN can totter. And no one does it better than Daphne. I am so totally enamoured with that wo-man (I am a girl, I am a girl, I am girl). And then the Tango … “You are leading again, Daphne”; stop dreaming, Ursula.

      BHB, you are dear to me, and having coming off the phone from my mother just now doesn’t help, but the two of you can drive one crazy with your takes on the world. In face of facts and evidence the two of you (three weeks apart – don’t say it’s not in the stars) will bend it to make anything better than it is.

      Daphne will make an appearance in final summing-up.


      Comment by Ursula — February 9, 2011 @ 17:36 | Reply

  2. If it involves Molasses I might even be persuaded to lick your feet! To hell with Diabetes!

    Our local Traffic Wardens all have little computerised thingys to play with!

    Comment by Magpie 11 — February 9, 2011 @ 17:24 | Reply

    • My feet are in perfect condition to be licked. Not that I want anyone to. Particularly not if I then have to stand by with the insulin. As to ‘computerised thingies” I do try to preserve some romance in my life so please don’t give Looney ideas above his lowly notepad and pencil in hand station.

      And don’t back stab me now. At the time you were perfectly happy to be cast by me as Daphne. In fact, from now on, I will address you as a Daphne. Also watch Lemmon as Felix in “The Odd Couple”. If he weren’t dead I’d marry him.


      Comment by Ursula — February 9, 2011 @ 17:46 | Reply

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