Bitch on the Blog

February 12, 2011

Charmed – I am sure

Filed under: Communication — bitchontheblog @ 10:54
Tags: ,

An unexamined life is easy to live; ask Looney.

Who wants easy? Glancing over some recent copy I see I swear too much. I was not brought up to swear. Women do not swear, and men only when the hammer meets thumb at point of impact. My mother only swore aloud (once a year) when life didn’t live up to her expectation. Luckily her expectations were formed during her childhood at the end of the second world war, crossing Europe – walking or if lucky on cattle trains hanging onto her mother’s apron strings as not to get lost; always a few miles ahead of Russian troups advancing.

Trouble is, and Daphne might have something to say on this observation, I swear ONE REMOVED. English not being my mother tongue it comes easy. When I say various words beginning with s or c or f it – literally – means nothing to me. They are just sounds. Sounds I’d never utter in my mother tongue. Particularly when in earshot of anyone else. My son was very young (maybe four or so) when he first observed, and he is possibly the most observant person ever – nothing will escape him, which is a bit wearing, that he always knows when some shit has hit my fan big time: It’s when I swear in mother tongue. In his words “Mama, when you swear in German you MEAN it”. True, I do. Which doesn’t make my swearing in English better. Father of son who taught me all there is to know about English including the use of apostrophes and when to use ‘fewer’ rather than ‘less’ visibly shudders when certain sounds cross my lips. Not that I would in his company which is little since he has now joined throng of people not talking to me any longer.

If you ever want help with writing “How to lose friends and keep them in the dark” please look no further. I won’t charge you, I’ll give my time freely. You might even end up not talking to me any more.

Invective. Say what you like. Why is it so much more acceptable when men use it? Not that Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson would. Men of few words. So alluring, so intriguing, so manly – yet so irritating when you want a conversation. It’s why Alexander, my brother (Clint Eastwood lookalike), only talks to me once every two years. Yet he is the most affable person ever. His wife being a piscean like his mother he leaves the dirty work to her.

Swearing/invective: Have you noticed that in virtually every language there is the hiss of the ‘s’, a lot of the behind (naturally again the sssssss sound) and animals. If I were an ortifice or a pig (Schwein, Sau), a cow,  I’d take offence.

Am abouat to cover 217 pages before any more pearls can come your way.




  1. Yes, what you have said is true: When I become a barnacle I intend to spend exactly zero time navel gazing and will have no regrets whatsoever.

    My impression of the upper class Englishman is that he never swears either. Instead he delivers an erudite gem that, after a few minutes of parsing the grammar and looking up the meanings of obscure words, turns out to be a remark that surpasses any swearing simpleton in the giving of offense. Growing older, I have decided that the swearer is more honorable and less to be feared.

    Comment by Looney — February 12, 2011 @ 16:18 | Reply

  2. Perhaps you are casting pearls before swine.

    I never heard my father swear. he objected once when my sister used the word chuffed. He said it was very rude but would not day what he thought it meant. I explained that it meant pleased and he opined that it was still slang. At boarding school I heard “the Eff word” for the first time aged about 13…. Girls and women never (as far as I knew) never swore in spite of learning a few years later that female graffiti was a lot more rude (NB not ruder) than male.

    When my mother died I spent a short time in the house by myself going through various bits and pieces. I came across my youngest (15 years old) sister’s school hymn book…she attended the same boarding school I had… I flicked through it and there, on the inside cover was the legend: “Love is a good F***!” deflation of naive brother!

    Now we cannot escape from the over use of expletives by both sexes but in particular young females. It seems to be a bit like their habit of smoking.

    Ladies do not smoke or swear.
    What is a lady?
    A Woman who does not mind being called such.

    Comment by Magpie 11 — February 12, 2011 @ 16:41 | Reply

  3. Ladies do smoke, Daphne. Elegantly. Look at Lauren Bacall. OH MY GOD. Saw her on stage. I am not given to hero worship but that woman is someone else. Then there is Bette Davies and her staccato way of hitting a cigarette on its head before lighting it. We are on dangerous territory here. I loved smoking. At the height of my short – four year – career smoking with abandonment I managed 60 a day. Which, considering that my hands were flying over keyboards all day long, was no mean achievment.

    Along, yes, Looney, came father of son who – in no uncertain terms and most gentlemanly – told me that he refuses to kiss an ashtray. Talk about incentive. My mother – despite many bribes of a monetary nature and/or chucking my cigarettes (Camel when I was flush) into the toilet does not know – to this day – how her adored not any longer son-in-law managed to wean me off . Emotional blackmail. That’s how. Also have theory that my youngest sister is our milkman’s daughter. She has never smoked, didn’t even entertain a glass of champagne at her own wedding, and to top it all she is a vegetarian. Family does not think my theory funny. Neither do I. But she does ride horses.

    As to ladies; Look no further than Lady Bracknell. She will have the answer. Or knock at Jeeves’ door (P G Wodehouse): “Yes, Sir?” I, personally – who else, would go for Wooster (Hugh Laury)any time. He is such a loveable idiot. Few people I’d like to sit across the breakfast table: He is the one.

    Am still only on page 117. Bear with me.


    Comment by Ursula — February 12, 2011 @ 17:16 | Reply

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