Bitch on the Blog

March 9, 2011

Westerly gale eight, veering south-westerly increasing severe gale nine later (visibility poor)

Filed under: Communication,Despair,Errors — bitchontheblog @ 14:36
Tags: , , , , ,

Yes, foghorns. Living so close to the docks I hear booms at assorted times in the morning. So reliable, so comforting.

Magpie, missed the programme you mentioned. Nuisance. Might be able to catch it on BBC iplayer. I let you in on one of my secrets: Attention All Shipping. Yes, the shipping forecast. Forget Paul McKenna sending you into hypnotic oblivion. I arrived in England 5 April 1982 and took to the shipping forecast like a cat avoiding drowning on her way across the channel (“The cat who wanted to go home”  – read by Maureen Lipman).  How much more soothing can it get? “Viking, North Utsire, South Utsire”, “Forties, Cromarty, Forth”, “Tyne, Dogger, Fisher”,  I particularly like “German bite (Bight), Humber, Thames”, followed by”Dover, Wight, Portland”, “Plymouth, Biscay, FitzRoy”. FITZROY? How brilliant is that? If my chosen name of Apple of my Eye had not been dearer to me  (Felix) I’d named him FitzRoy. Thus men are made: When  register being called at school, naturally, being FitzRoy you’d never acknowledge your presence, would you? “Sole, Lundy, Fastnet”, “Irish Sea, Shannon, Rockall”, “Malin, Hebrides, Bailey”, “Fair Isle, Faroes, South-east Iceland”, Pause “Trafalgar”. 

The tone so measured, so dulcet.

I wish I were measured and dulcet. Thank you to the three of you – Daphne, BHB and Con – who propped me up in my hour of throwing a wobbly. Am disappointed in myself. At my age you’d expect some sort of dignity. Not going into a strop like I never did at a time when people are expected to strop (age 3). Once a late developer you’ll never catch up with yourself .

Oddly, and don’t know why this pops into my mind: I bet Carol, Lady Con, is what I aspire to be and never will amount to. This is judging by Con’s latest photos of her. Measured, calm. My bestest (female) friends are like that. Men by default, which is why I wish – occasionally – I were a man, seem to be effortlessly cool, calm and collected, rational, reasonable. Eludes me. Wish I were different. But then I wouldn’t be me. Which rather a pity.

Anyway, by way of mitigating circumstances, the night I tried to sever I did those absolutely NOT to be done enneagrams  – inspired and egged on by Jean and BHB. Thrice. Different ones, just to make sure. Same result every time. Don’t. It won’t tell you anything you don’t know intuitively about yourself. And both of you, Jean and BHB, are wrong: I am not a One. Yes, I know I am hyper critical – and believe me, it pains ME more than it pains YOU – but whilst I once was the perfectionist colour co-ordinated ONE with lists in place, earning a lot of money and dinner parties to gorge yourself on I am not any longer. Obviously my cooking hasn’t suffered, I am still colour co-ordinated – more by habit than design; think Zandra Rhodes minus the pink hair. Perfect? No more. Neither One or Two even feature on Richter scale of assessment of my to-be-flung-to-the-dogs enneagrammed self. I am oh my god … every time (closely followed by number…). Which begs question – and let’s see who is game to answer: Do you ever despair with yourself? Yet still stand by who you are? Enneagram or not.

Don’t ask. They actually question whether I know who I am. Can you believe it? Awful. Awful. Awful. One of these days I shall climb into Con’s echo box and close the lid. Will take calls (on my mobile).


1 Comment »

  1. I see that you don’t like the idea of being classified as in ~ Enneagram.
    Take a peek at this. I find it helpful to understand myself better. I’m a One also.

    Type One in Brief
    Ones are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — March 9, 2011 @ 16:24 | Reply

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