Bitch on the Blog

April 16, 2011

How to wear a scarf

Filed under: Despair,Uncategorized — bitchontheblog @ 10:05

House broken into at 2 am this morning, still awaiting police (it’s now 1100 am). They keep  phoning periodically to apologize for the delay. Apparently it’s been a busy night in Southampton. What to do when whittling away time (dog tired) awaiting the law? You venture over to GM’s to see what she is up to this fine Saturday morning.

Her mind off toyboys she remembers how, “as quick as a flash”, she made the “office erupt with laughter” when stating her preference for Englishmen over a Chinese. I have deleted all there is to say about presence of mind and how little it takes to make an office’s population ERUPT with laughter.

When in doubt about a woman’s behaviour I use my mother as a litmus test. She has a mischievious streak rivalled by few – with not a bad bone in her body, or malicious thought in her mind. So, anything she wouldn’t do is a definite NO NO.

And she would, most definitely, NOT flutter her slender hands, flaunt her wares on youtube and whisper at the end of video No 3: “Who’s a winner? I hope that you find I am.” That’s the spirit, GM.




  1. I’m in a rush to go to Santa Fe. I came down here to iron a linen very wrinkled blouse to wear. (No wonder it was on Freecycle.) To whilst away the time whilst the iron heats I read this blog. I had to look at GM’s site to connect the reference. One person had commented so I figured she needed another. As Ursula says I’m like her mother & I made a most kiss-ass remark. But it was genuine.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — April 16, 2011 @ 14:43 | Reply

    • First things first: I didn’t think you were supposed to IRON linen. Isn’t the whole point of a linen skirt, suit, shirt to look as if you have just come back from Safari or Italy, drawn through the hedge backwards?

      Keep making kiss-ass remarks, BHB: Soon they will enter the realm of the post ironic. Alas lost on those you waste them on.

      Happy Santa Fe.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — April 16, 2011 @ 15:13 | Reply

      • You are SO right. That linen shirt quickly turned back into wrinkles anyway. When Tom started car again at the red light, I was drinking my whey with olive oil floating on top, the leftover from my kefir cheese & it went down my front. Shirt is in the laundry & I WON’T iron it. It’ll be so wrinkled, obvious that it’s intentional. After all I don’t want to look obsolete.

        Comment by bikehikebabe — April 17, 2011 @ 15:38 | Reply

    • bikehikebabe,
      What does it mean “to iron”?

      Comment by Cheerful Monk — April 17, 2011 @ 00:02 | Reply

  2. Sorry about the break in! Thanks for writing.

    Comment by Cheerful Monk — April 16, 2011 @ 21:36 | Reply

    • Jean, looking out of the window, my currently not too brilliant vision not withstanding – it appears to be a full moon shining on me sitting on the sofa (which is at a right angle to the window so the sky, the tree in front of said window and I are permanently connected).

      Rarely do I take a dislike to someone – not even those I don’t particularly like; but today I met one of the few. And not only because she (a new neighbour) talks at a volume to waken the dead. It was plain awful. Excrutiatingly embarrassing how she insisted on talking about the break in when she had not even been in the building at the time. Landlord (the Italian), himself not short of many a word, eventually put his arms round me when realising my plight (since I’d been dealing all night and today with the fallout) and that there was little chance to quieten her. Yes, good old Conrad certified vile Ursula never meek neither ill mannered. What I didn’t tell her to her face that initially I had not taken any notice of last night’s commotion since she often arrives late at night in company, doors slamming, foul language turning the air blue.

      When confronted with sub zero intelligence there is only one way if you have any compassion: Just leave it. Nothing you can say will make a dent for the better.

      Wish I wouldn’t take things to heart.


      Comment by Ursula — April 16, 2011 @ 22:54 | Reply

      • You have my sympathy about your noisy neighbor. We’ve lived here for about 37 years now and have had good luck about noise. That’s one reason we’re so happy here.

        Comment by Cheerful Monk — April 17, 2011 @ 00:05 | Reply

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