Bitch on the Blog

May 14, 2011

Snort

Filed under: Communication — bitchontheblog @ 19:17

We have many roles in life.

And as long as I manage to hang to smitherns of  Co & Co (that’s Consortium and cosies) I shall do my best to confirm that I am  that which is what your little community expects of me: A vile lying sniffling man eater in a pot of acid according to THE MASTER. So, yes, let’s switch into Bitch on the Blog mode. Find the ring and make me invisible.

To get my vile juices going I usually go and visit GM’s blog. She can be relied upon.  Today she is a pig. Before you say anything, Jean: She said so – herself. She is a pig. Lovely and rosy. No doubt nurturing a spider or maybe it was the other way round  (part of a heart rending story “Charlotte’s Web, the play of which I took my son to ca 997, Poole Theatre). Will find ticket stubs in a minute so Con can verify that I and the Angel actually went as we did. Maybe he’d like a little CCTV footage just in case I am making this up too. In fact, come to think of it: If Con were in charge of my mental ward Id soon wonder whether I actually exist at all.

What’s fascinating about people relating their HORROR scope – in this case GM’s Chinese Zodiac’s snout, that they will ONLY ever relate everything that is so WONDERFUL about them. Not just GM. Most will.

I myself just seek out the vile out of my own  sign – not least to keep people away from me. But then I am exceptional, aren’t I? I know, don’t tell me: Last line, as usual, totally lost on most of you. Tip of the day: Dehydrate, oil your humoUr valves, and descend from zodiac heaven.  Come to think of it, “The Universe” this week proved a full hit, didn’t it? Commentators hiding in their droves. GM’s contribution (no bull, I mean it) and her sheep were sweet. Could relate to that. I particularly like the stone wall photo where she points out that those holes are there for a reason rather than shoddy workmanship: The holes let air through so the wall won’t fall over. Not many people know that. I had never even thought about it. And then I did. So thanks where it’s due, Grannymar.

Anyway before GM and I fall into each other’s arms and swear each other undying love till the end of our knitting needles, let’s return to heaven and the Zodiac:

See above: To ram message home I will repeat myself: As expected Grannymar comes out of the mud as clean as a baby’s bottom. And she is not alone. Few people will admit – as I do – that they are not faultless; even that what I just said amounts to a spot of self preening: “Look I am so great I can admit to be an absolute swine”.  (For the dense: The last sentence was NOT addressed at GM, it was addressed to my wonderful self). And no, I am not a pig. What is it with you lot that everything needs to spelt out at least twice lest you might get wrong idea?

Truth be told I do have a book on the Chinese Zodiac combining with our own starsigns,  can’t lay my hands on it this minute; it gives it to you straight (from all angles): Warts, frogs and dungbeetles. All in one broth. Enjoy. Once you have finished you will wish you were a barnacle . Which reminds me: What sign do all the NASTIES in the world reside under? An umbrella on an island in the Pacific Ocean? Will look up various people now just to prove my point and don’t switch off yet.

We have established Ram is a goat which is  befitting considering his name, and I will not dwell on it. My beloved BHB is a whatever.  MAINLY she is her own good SELF. As is Magpie who couldn’t give a fig one way or another. Sod the stars. And Jean is a dog (no, not in real life, in a previous life).

A herd of animals. Which reminds me: Con is NOT a gentleman. I laboured under impression that he is only ONE year older than me. Don’t believe it. Neither did he bother to correct my misconception. Not that there is anything wrong with older men. Like a good wine they will get to their best once laid down. Unless they cork.

Yes, so go back to your respective caves, grazing area or cloud cuckoosland or wherever you reside up there in the stars.

Hugs and kisses,

U Bin Liners, In the Kitchen, England

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3 Comments »

  1. I admit to being the dog who started this the other day. I am tempted to copy and paste the description of the dog personality and debunk all this nonsense…. but how? Without giving the game away?

    Comment by magpie11 — May 14, 2011 @ 20:28 | Reply

    • What’s the game? Don’t give it away. Just give me a clue.

      By the way, have just found out that according to the Chinese I AM elegant but NOT eloquent. I KNOW that I am elegant. NOT eloquent? OK. Fine. Whatever the zoo says.

      Know thy limitations as I like to think I don’t know mine.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 14, 2011 @ 21:05 | Reply

  2. According the the Chinese I’m a Rabbit and am “most comfortable being home, and their homes are always neat and organized.” Neat and organized? Yeah, sure. I love my home, which is my messy playpen. Creativity is seldom tidy.

    Comment by Cheerful Monk — May 15, 2011 @ 02:45 | Reply


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