Bitch on the Blog

August 12, 2011


Filed under: Beauty,Despair — bitchontheblog @ 17:31
Tags: , , ,

This is platform U and may I make an announcement:

Grannymar has missed the train.

As clues go it’s not cryptic. Don’t worry, Grannymar. Ramana hasn’t even found the station yet. Just stay where you are. In the meantime please do keep your ever growing playground in check, make sure they all stand in line and have a clean handkerchief at all times. Now, children, follow the leader. Because, if you don’t, you will never ever be spoken to again. Your existence will not be acknowledged. Because Grannymar is kind and just, sweet and full of herself and forgiveness. It’s what keeps her so slim. And her comments so short. And vacuous. Indeed, maybe unnoticed by Ramana who has his own problems, she is now beginning to repeat herself.

So remember: KISS (keep it simple stupids) when it comes to GM and you’ll be just fine. Having said that I do miss Grannymar’s needle classes  (I do; for god’s sake can I say anything people will actually believe?); apart from peeling tons of potatos for our respective siblings an interest in stitching the one thing we share. Pity. Still, how does the saying go: You can lead a horse in vain to find some water.

Hot tip of the day, GM, once told to me by my father when I was barely out of my nappies: There is nothing more off putting, less erotic, for a man, than to come across the dead cuttings of a woman’s crowning glory – whether on the floor, in the toilet,  in your comb or preserved for eternity on your blog. Why do you think a large contingent of the most eminent (male) hairdressers have no sexual interest in women?

Hugs and kisses,




  1. I’m trying to get around all my blogging friends. Ursula, it’s been a while. I hope all is well. Yes, it’s true what you say about hairdressers! An interesting point indeed. Wonder why that is?

    Comment by gaelikaa — August 13, 2011 @ 16:01 | Reply

    • gaelikaa, you are sorely missed. I keep imagining you knee deep in flipping chapaties, stirring dhal, with MIL standing over you, raising your brood whilst typing a tome. And that’s before you’ve seen to your love interest.

      Being currently suspended friend of GG (gee gee – gay guy), one of the loves of my life, I have to be careful not to spout nonsensical prejudice. I tell, you, gaelikaa: If there is one beef I have with my mother it’s “Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me”. Still, can’t blame her since, to this day, she is as innocent as the driven snow. Meanwhile I get all the lingo wrong (and believe me gays don’t like it – you are immediately banished to the dog house whilst they mix themselves a Martini – two olives. Make mine a double.)

      All I know, and I am not proud of having squandered money I now wish I had, but I have been to some of the finest salons in the world. Male hairdressers are wilful if they are heterosexual. They always know better. Oh the tears. Female hairdressers listen and take an actual interest in the photograph you are showing them. No, not one of some filmstar. One of yourself last year. You know: Work with the material. Enter a gay hairdresser. They connect with you like no human being other than your son or your cat will. Intuition is at their finger tips. They don’t force themselves on you. They darling you and you emerge a better person than you were an hour and £150 earlier.

      Anyway, none of the above answers your question. Or any of mine.


      Comment by Ursula — August 13, 2011 @ 18:53 | Reply

      • £150? Thank goodness my hairdresser is female, a friend and charges nothing…all she uses is a comb and a tiny (very very good) pair of scissors. She even comes round to perform her ministrations. Oh be still my beating heart. I love having my hair cut!
        As for Gay hairdressers… I went a few times to the one up the road…yes, he is a good cutter but £15 plus tip for the poor girl who washed my hair and swept the floor was too much. He now turns his back on me when I walk past. The girl always waves to me.

        Comment by magpie11 — August 18, 2011 @ 21:46 | Reply

  2. ” Why do you think a large contingent of the most eminent (male) hairdressers have no sexual interest in women?”

    It’s because they are gay. (Born gay I believe.) A gay man is a better friend to a woman than any female friend can be. They aren’t competing with you. And they don’t look at you as a conquest. Gay men understand & “connect” with women. Many a woman has fallen in love with a gay man only to be brokenhearted when they find out…

    Back to the subject. They make better hairdressers because they are so much like you that they are almost YOU.

    Comment by bikehikebabe — August 13, 2011 @ 23:59 | Reply

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