Bitch on the Blog

November 28, 2011


Filed under: Communication — bitchontheblog @ 17:30

Dearest sweetest Hearts, let’s hope it’ll all come out in the wash.

Reading blogs is bringing out the worst in me. The critic. The swine that will not be silenced. Do you have any idea how hard I work at not pressing send after having composed that which will tear into a blogger’s heart and soul, more importantly his copy? Come to think of it: Those I do tear into should count themselves lucky. Clearly a sign that I think them made of sturdy stuff; deserving. Anyone can sniffle.

Still, whatever I say, however I justify it, my being so critical is a deplorable trait. Correction: It’s great. Because it gives me so much pleasure to pick everything apart at its seams. What is at odds – a spot of self revelation here – that I am a truly “nice” (pass me the sick bag) person, kind, compassionate, considerate, generous, selfless to a fault – yes, really, Sweethearts, and take it from me: There is nothing wrong with blowing your own trumpet. Mind you, to keep this in perspective, I have been told, many a time, that it’s virtually impossible to pay me a compliment since I just brush it aside. You pay me a compliment? The only person who can validate me is myself. Thank you very much.

It’s why I hate people fishing. Oh god. The coquettish on the internet. They will put themselves down. What am I supposed to do – should I be so inclined as to comment? Build them up? Well, stay down there if you must. I am not your analyst or your mother. It’s one of the reasons  I cannot understand (yes, I know, Magpie, you are one of them) why anyone will choose a theme for their blog stating “Just another blog”. Come again? If it’s “just” another blog why bother? Bring yourself to market.

Since I am at it, may I also say that there is a way of self deprecating which is foul. Was interrupted here. Have now forgotten what’s foul. But that’s Denmark for you. Then there are those who preen in desperate attempt to be validated. It’s ok, guys and guyesses. Relax. You are fine. Less is more. More or less. Just like real life what an education the blogging world is: I am clearly attracted to those who know their self worth, know where they stand. No nonsense for them.

And lastly a word of advice to those of you who desperately, almost to point of death, keep pointing out your “copyright”: Either share yourself or keep hugging your babies to your chest. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Don’t lay down the law every single time you publish. Do you really think the world is out there to steal whatever you have created?

There are blogs I could and will name which have grace, share themselves freely and generously: Whether it’s their art work, their copy, their feelings, their imagination. I am not given to gushing however would like to say to some of you: Thanks for enriching my life. Wish I could cook for all of you. Will paint my own picture of said party (in words) another time. Pass me a Bloody Mary now. No, make that a Martini, two olives. One shaken, one stirred.




  1. Some one seems to have rattled your cage. Or perhaps several some ones….. I had not thought of you as one of those whose blog is a mere exercise in self validation nor as a fisher for compliments for that matter. It was always that which made your posts much more worthwhile than most of the rest. What is interesting is that people seem, at last, to be “getting it”……

    Maybe those whose self deprecation you dislike so are just not into self absorption and its accompanying arrogance.

    What was it that Grannie used to say? Ah, I recall, “Self praise is no recommendation.” That would blow the top off many a curriculum vitae would it not? I love the German rendering that I found… Eigenlob stinkt. According to Google translate: Self-praise stinks!

    Comment by magpie11 — November 28, 2011 @ 20:02 | Reply

    • Your equation doesn’t make sense, Magpie. It does not follow that self deprecation and self absorption are mutually exclusive (watch any stand up comedian). Neither does self absorption automatically link arms with arrogance.

      Let’s leave aside that “self deprecation” can be hugely funny in the right hands; in the blogging world It often goes horribly wrong: A common example that of someone who “makes fun of himself” by claiming he is stupid, no Einstein. Fine by me. Few people are Einsteins. A few hours later read the comments. A devoted readership assuring him that he is so clever, so funny, so Einstein… WHAT? That is fishing for compliments to me. Hate it. Boring. And it’s a dead give-away as to the blogger’s feeling of insecurity (what I call the need to be constantly validated). If one of my readers “likes” a post of mine – that is great. And it would be disingenuous to say that I am not dead pleased. But I never ASK anyone to like anything about me. Sure I am lucky – most people who meet me in the flesh or on the page do [like me]. Even those who find me infuriating or downright baffling at times. “Mental” as my son puts it.

      As to “Self-praise stinks.” It doesn’t. The same Granny will point out that no one should “sein Licht unter den Scheffel stellen” (put their light under the bushel).. And Fontane, in one of his poems often cited by me – a sort of mission statement of mine, that any praise the world may give you is worthless unless you have pride in yourself.

      Being a blushing Bambi may be excusable in the young and innocent but on the whole: Stand proud; Or, of course, try and find the nearest hole to swallow you. I know from experience that there is never a hole when you need one, urgently.

      Come to think of it: There is that peculiarly English notion “to cut someone down to size”, “taking someone down a peg”.. Why? By all accounts most people could do with increasing their daily dose of self esteem.

      Arrogantly yours,

      Comment by bitchontheblog — November 29, 2011 @ 10:09 | Reply

      • I was never taught not to hide my light under a bushel but often accused of doing so by those who did not realise that I had been taught not to boast or brag.

        looking quickly at all the proverbs mentioned I suspect that they are truly connected…….

        It seems to be an English thing….unlike the French and some other continentals who seem to need to boast of their achievements I suspect that the English thing to do is to allow the rest of the world to recognise the obvious achievements of the English…… 😉

        Comment by magpie11 — December 6, 2011 @ 21:08 | Reply

  2. On themes…..I notice that your “Bic” uses red ink!

    Comment by magpie11 — November 28, 2011 @ 21:20 | Reply

    • Sorry, lost me there. I don’t use a Bic. What “themes”? For a while I used to use green ink – to fill my reader’s heart with hope.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — November 29, 2011 @ 10:12 | Reply

      • Themes as in WordPress themes…Bic as in the one in your chosen theme…… as in une bic….

        Comment by magpie11 — December 6, 2011 @ 21:02 | Reply

  3. I love your subtlety. Truly.

    Comment by winsomebella — November 28, 2011 @ 22:56 | Reply

    • I knew you would, Bella. Why use a dab of perfume when you can douse yourself in the whole bottle?


      Comment by bitchontheblog — November 29, 2011 @ 10:13 | Reply

  4. Given that the critic is supposed to criticize, I am baffled as to how criticism should represent the “worst” in a critic, unless the critique had been deliberately toned down. While we are at it, are there any positive, non-critical blogs that originate in the UK?

    Since you reminded me:

    © 2011 Looney Publishing Ltd., All Rights Reserved.

    Comment by Looney — November 29, 2011 @ 04:35 | Reply

    • You know there is something so soothing about you, Looney: The cool hand on the feverish forehead.

      You are having me on, surely: “Are there any positive, non-critical blogs that originate in the UK?” If there weren’t so much treacle I’d hardly need to come up for air every so often, would I?

      Patent pending, all brain robbers will be prosecuted, positively,

      Comment by bitchontheblog — November 29, 2011 @ 10:20 | Reply

  5. Ah, the Internet! Making people far more attractive online than they are in real life for well over 20 years…

    Comment by Phil — November 29, 2011 @ 16:46 | Reply

  6. Ursula, why don’t you say what’s really on your mind and stop beating around the proverbial bush? 😉

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — November 29, 2011 @ 21:28 | Reply

  7. Your assertion that self-deprecation is a fishing expedition for compliments can be true, and maybe most often it is. But it may also be evidence that the speaker or writer has enough confidence to drop the facade put up by so many others, and to simply admit to being just as flawed and pathetic as everyone else — no more and no less so. A few reassuring comments sparked by such admissions are probably inevitable, but not likely the true aim. The “need to be constantly validated” is an endless cycle, an addiction that can never be satisfied. But the very same diagnosis can be made for the person (and there are a few of these) who goes around continually trying to convince the world that he possesses some knowledge or skill or level of superiority. Whether true or not, I find that boring.

    I have, on at least one occasion, written that I’m “the least musical person on Earth.” Someone could very well come back and say, “Oh, no, you’re very musical,” but what would be the point? I accepted that weakness in myself a long time ago, and have enough self-assurance to know that it doesn’t define me in any meaningful way. Enough self-assurance, in fact, to even make fun of it. The alternative — maintaining the facade — would be too exhausting, and ultimately futile.

    By the way, I’m not in any way talking about your own self-assessment that you’re “kind, compassionate, considerate, generous, and selfless to a fault.” I’ve suspected that all along. But I’d never presume enough to pay you a compliment.

    Comment by bronxboy55 — December 1, 2011 @ 13:57 | Reply

    • Bronxyboy, Charles, him I believed lost in the vast sea of freshly pressed friends, so good to hear from you.

      In no particular order, and thanks for taking the time to comment: Your stating, by way of example, that you are “the least musical person on Earth” has nothing to do with self deprecation. Your “being the least musical person on Earth” might be an exaggeration, it most certainly doesn’t amount to a “weakness”; it’s just a FACT, possibly. Only if you serenaded your readership beautifully (now there is a blogging sodding thought) and then, bashfully, put yourself down I’d say you are fishing. Come to think of it, your post “Bland is Beautiful”, uttering something to the effect that you have the opposite of “charisma” and “I have no hope that I could ever fool anyone into believing those things about me [quirky and unique and fun].” You know what I thought, insert wry smile: “Et tu, Charles?” Please spare me. However, should your wife, kids and friends take the witness stand I will consider their testimony.

      As to “facade” you mention: My lament is precisely that so many people will build a facade. Instead of letting true cracks show they build up the vine, the wisteria, the ivy. And play peek-a-boo. Let me put it another way: I have a healthy dose of self esteem – and I am not ashamed of it. On the other hand I am my own harshest critic and I am not afraid to put down my weaknesses (as I perceive them) for public consumption; if anyone begs to differ – fine. We can argue over it. But please no one give anyone the Emperor’s clothes – it was the one fairy tale that made me squirm even when too young to understand the concept of ‘vanity fair’, a place of ostentation. I will post on the subject Then you can all chime in with your own warts. And those of a more competitve bend (I am not) can hold little contests who is the worst – and go away with first prize which is another thing that irritates the hell out of me in the world of blogs: Prizes! Do people not grow up? I was delighted when my son as young as five or six years old was left cold by those gold stars they hand out at school. It was nothing to him. He did well on his own account – not because someone handed out an “incentive”. Oh dear, rein me in, since I am falling in love with the subject.

      A common error, one which you are in danger of making, that self deprecation is the opposite of flaunting, as you put it, “some knowledge or skill or level of superiority”. Which is most certainly offputting and, again, smacks of desperation. Facts will, on the whole, speak for themselves.

      Charles, it’s a subject dear to my heart, and why I get so steamed about it within the blogging world I do not know. Maybe, and I am not musical either, I don’t like false notes; my bullshit detector finely tuned. I need to think this through a little more. Not least because I do not wish to offend anyone by being so terribly critical. Neither do I like wool being pulled over anyone’s head.

      Other than that, charming Charles, thank you for the compliment in disguise. I shall accept it with as much grace as I can muster.


      Comment by Ursula — December 4, 2011 @ 19:29 | Reply

  8. I’m not fishing for compliments – I’m presenting them to you in the form of an award – the Versatile Blogger Award. And my dear Ursula, nobody is more versatile than you! Congratulations!

    Comment by writingfeemail — December 5, 2011 @ 02:50 | Reply

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