Bitch on the Blog

December 6, 2011

Red carpet in shreds

Filed under: Communication,Friends — bitchontheblog @ 19:56
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

If last Monday’s post went with a bang yesterday’s  Monday morning has me whimper.

No sooner had I slagged off those prizes bloggers award each other – in my reply to a comment the drop dead gorgeous Charles had left me – along comes aka Little Miss Mischief aka La Tease and drops one hell of a clanger: I find myself the unhappy recipient of “The Versatile Blogger Award”. I wish I could hide like my two year old self behind my mother in the folds of her full skirt, pout and say “I don’t want it” (insert teary note). “Darling, don’t be silly. You like spinach so you’ll always be able to stomach the unpalatable. Say thank you.” Finger in mouth, eyes full of suspicion:  “Don’t want to.”

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Which doesn’t make any economical sense. Unless you immediately take a gift horse to the slaughter house and reform it into salami you will need to feed, water and exercise it. In modern lingo this translates into: “There is no such thing as a free lunch.” Am now in existentialist crisis: Do I go down in history as a blogging scrouge who doesn’t have it in her heart to play by the rules (of others); or do I  humour the blogging community like a circus clown on his way out? Do I stick to principles or do I shrug my shoulders and say “Whatever.” ? Maybe I could rent some space in the broom cupboard one blogger has so lovingly created for her many awards.

Insert sigh.  I am in trouble. Confession time: First of all, I read few, and I mean few, blogs on a regular basis. Since I am terrific friendship material I tend to keep it small, and loyal. Not that I don’t throw parties, and please do gate crash. I will find the odd pearl in the crowd, even among those who do use my, as yet unread, Times as toilet paper.  It is quite awful: I feel another attack of scathing coming on. I’ll keep it for a day when I run out of bile. Also, and this is no excuse, amongst my most cherished blogging chums there are those already flooded with awards, and now do – as only the saturated will – refuse them. Or maybe they have run out of things to tell you about themselves. Which the more observant among you will notice I have already done up there, if somewhat in disguise.

And, I am such a mean cow I don’t want to share my friends with all and sundry. Look what happened to Charles. No sooner was he freshly pressed he (being diligent) was reduced to answering (intelligently) hundreds of comments. I don’t like being a crumb among many on the baking sheet of someone’s life so I retreated to the kitchen and baked some of his Italian biscuits instead. And no, I didn’t weep into the pastry. Sometimes you have to let those you care for off on a long leash. Or take the leash off altogether.

Where were we: Free lunch, trade off:  Naturally, to link like crazy to other blogs is not only a cheap marketing exercise, it is also a  way of spying on who I read outside my immediate circle. The last sentence sounds more complicated than it is. All my life, literally from when I was tiny, I have had three very different circles of friends on the boil. Their backgrounds not only not overlapping, but none of them knowing of each other. Yes, I know it’s ludicrous but makes for a slightly less complicated life to keep those in the higher echelons of elevated snobiety of intellect and creativity from sneering at the easy pleasers and the streetwalkers.

Some of my friends (and family) are such snobs that if they knew that I entertain a blog, how vulgar, they’d cut me off there and then. Don’t think I have just handed you the perfect tool to blackmail me. I haven’t.

What else is totally useless information about me:

A few years ago, in the early days of our courtship, a dear sweet man, so full of disdain for the world (what do you expect from someone who adores Huysman?) yet so vulnerable, him of Irish/Trinidadian extraction, a Canadian with perfect diction, sent me a “Mother’s Day” card. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.  He is gay. That way we are both safe.

When I was three I swallowed (by accident) a flat round button. It was white. That’s when I learnt two things: Not everything is digestible. And what will go in will come out. And oh did it not glow so in the dark.

So yes, since most of my blogging creme de la creme knows each other anyone else just snoop around in the comment boxes, and link. One of my believes: What you need will find you. And I have found true treasure in the last few months.




  1. I think the answer should be “whatever.” Blog awards seem like a nice thing to do — and an easy blog post topic–, but they imply an obligation to “pass it on.” I played that game a couple of time and then just said, “Thanks much for the thought, but I don’t do awards.”

    Comment by Mike — December 6, 2011 @ 20:31 | Reply

    • Mike, hi. to “not do awards” is, of course, a luxury only those who get them can afford. I was touched by Renee thinking of me – though maybe that didn’t quite shimmer through in my reply.

      I wouldn’t have thought they are an “easy blog post topic”. Judging by my efforts they are all uphill with an abysmal view at the end.

      As to “whatever”: It does come with a shrug. Seriously: Do watch people’s body language, indeed my own: You will say, in a sort of resigned fashion, maybe because you have lost interest in whatever subject stands to discussion and you say “Whatever” – and, inevitably, shrug your shoulder. Before I myself adopted this way of communicating and getting people off my case I was outraged by being at the receiving end. The Angel has this down to a fine art: “Whatever”. It’s his friendly, laid back, big smile way of saying “Dismissed”, giving me my marching orders.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — December 7, 2011 @ 09:44 | Reply

  2. You remain a star, even on a shredded red carpet, whether you like it or not and whether or not you are in the audience for the presentation of your award. Someone else can graciously accept on your behalf. Me, I am most happy to snoop and spy on the one sphere of yours to which I have access.

    Comment by winsomebella — December 6, 2011 @ 21:24 | Reply

    • Bella, Bella, Bella – and so you are, particularly when pronounced how only an Italian can.

      Thanks for the offer [of graciously accepting the award on my behalf]. Whilst I wish I could emulate Lauren Bacall’s hair and Bette Davis’ staccato way with cigarettes before she lights them, I do my own dirty work. Though will [graciously] accept your arm to get me onto the platform lest I get my heels caught either in the shreds of the carpet or, more likely, in the hem of my gown.

      I will not cry like, what’s her name. Neither will I throw the trophy back at the audience. And a judiciously measured amount of Champagne twenty minutes earlier will prevent me from either drying up or giving a long list of all the people I am grateful to. The only ones I will mention, not that I need to because without them I wouldn’t be here, are my parents. The Angel propping me up for the last 20 years.

      As to the spying. We’ll come to that.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — December 7, 2011 @ 15:22 | Reply

  3. Don’t shred your red carpet – don that party gown and step out in your glory. You can take the Italian biscuits with you and nibble away the nerves. I also had refrained from putting them on my site until I realized how helpful they were in finding out who had received the awards already. So, I changed my mind. And the way I see it – this award season is the only season I don’t have to shop or cook for – reason enough to celebrate. Now for that Black Forest Truffle….

    Comment by writingfeemail — December 7, 2011 @ 11:34 | Reply

  4. Did you find that not accepting the award was nearly as much work as accepting it? With all the anguish over not wanting to make the giver feel bad and trying to explain yourself…I had a dickens of a time trying to be gracious but firm. Quite ironic, really. 😉

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — December 7, 2011 @ 14:43 | Reply

    • No, no, I do accept anything people will throw at me. Though my father taught me that just because a ball is coming my way does not mean I have to catch it. Call it a reflex then. Mine clearly intact.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — December 7, 2011 @ 15:07 | Reply

  5. I’m intrigued a little about the three separate circle of friends that never intersect. Do you find maintaining these separate lives and friendships to be a burden? a source of stress? or do you find it liberating and energizing?

    You have a way with words that seems to reveal a thoughtfulness and concern for others, and yet remain pretty true to form and yourself on what you decide. Further, I enjoy following your stream of thought put to words, especially when dealing with idiomatic expressions like looking gift horses in the mouth. All too often, most will simply take the term for granted. Not you however, it always falls prey to your scrutiny. I find that delightful.

    Comment by Phil — December 8, 2011 @ 04:37 | Reply

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