Bitch on the Blog

March 28, 2012

Out of circulation

Filed under: Human condition — bitchontheblog @ 22:08

Leaving the convenience of contraception aside, I live in the wrong time of this and the last century. Or maybe I should become a Muslim or wherever they are still allowed to wear Burkas. Which rules out France.  Burkas are god’s gift to women. Only yesterday I came across a woman wearing one  and all that showed were her eyes. Beauty if ever there was one. Mesmerising. And I am not even a man. Not that one needs to be a man to appreciate beauty.

Whilst still blinding with my dazzling smile my forehead is covered in three blotches from hell. They say beauty is only skin deep. Complete nonsense. Beauty goes deep. Before it gets ugly.

Had I lived, say, 150 years ago, I could still brave the public my head held high. As it is I am HOUSE bloody bound. Bring back veils. I love veils. I love mystery. I even wear gloves (in summer). Which no doubt accounts for the fact that my hands are unblemished.

Give it a thought: Outside Bulgaria, a funeral, your wedding or Venice  when and where can one wear a proper veil in this day and age? You know, the lacy kind. Black. Obviously.

Balzac, Maupassant, here I come.




  1. With bathing suit season right upon me, I’m rethinking the burkini. Full body coverage in the pool, no sunscreen required, and all the pie you can eat still won’t show up on your thighs.

    Comment by writingfeemail — March 29, 2012 @ 00:13 | Reply

    • Funny you should say that, Renee. I don’t know why but “bathing suit season” is not for me. I have nothing to hide. I have no cellulite. I am shapely. Maybe I just don’t like water. Until I am in it.

      Whatever. As long as any device covers my forehead this minute, the rash having come (as rashes do) at the most inopportune time. The other day you suggested rashes best hidden on an elbow. I disagree. Rashes best hidden where sun rarely shines.

      Whilst that creamy number in the middle will do the job (a bit like hiding in a tent) I rather prefer the minimalist yet so effective as to my purpose on the right. Seeing red, Renee,


      Comment by bitchontheblog — March 29, 2012 @ 09:26 | Reply

    • Perhaps skinny dipping then…
      Well it’s a thought I guess, sort
      of off with the veil and into the
      river… I hope those blemishes
      disappear fast U whatever was
      it that brought that on?

      Androgoth XXx

      Comment by Androgoth — March 31, 2012 @ 17:18 | Reply

      • What brought it on, Androgoth? Good question. Something clearly got under my skin.

        I shall not dwell on ‘mens sana in corpore sano” (sound body, sound mind): I may grow a cyst.


        Comment by bitchontheblog — March 31, 2012 @ 17:56 | Reply

  2. You could try a Ninja outfit. It is also all black with nothing but the eyes showing.

    Maybe someone can explain to me the difference between a burkini and a wetsuit.

    Comment by Looney — March 29, 2012 @ 04:11 | Reply

    • Well, Looney, you may be studying Hebrew and generally doing my head in (I deleted my whole answer to you on Hegel and on your blog – with a bit of Wittgenstein thrown in) and whilst I agree that a wetsuit is most fetching look no further than my reply to Renee and follow the link. There are burkinis and there is fashion.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — March 29, 2012 @ 09:30 | Reply

  3. If you can’t find a good veil, perhaps you can find an outrageously gaudy hat to divert attention. One with a brim so large, it completely covers the forehead and eyes. Do watch your step however.

    All the discussion and nostalgia of old fashioned bathing suits has me pining for this modest yet chic look for men to make a comeback:


    Comment by Phil — March 29, 2012 @ 13:28 | Reply

    • Thanks for the laugh, Phil.

      Hats and I don’t mix (unless there is a veil attached). I don’t know why this should be so: There is bone structure (yes, a beret may balance it out). My hair will NOT tolerate a hat. Which is why I have moved to the windy UK where you will not be admitted to Ascot or Henley, indeed not your own mother-in-law’s funeral, unless you wear a bloody hat. An old friend of mine wears a Fedora, as artists do, at all times. Probably under the shower too. No wonder he is going bald. Or so he tells me. Let the sun shine on your follicles is what I tell him.

      My mother, when my father was still courting her (not that he doesn’t now), would act out some rhyme from a Grimm’s fairy tale amounting to something like wishing the wind to take her sweetheart’s hat, and let him chase it whilst she, the maiden, attends to her locks. By the time the love stricken has recaptured it and returns, the maiden is all composed again, her locks being woven into a neat plait. I feel for my father. My mother, to this day having a reckless streak, she’d pull his hat off and throw it across some fence. Brings a whole new meaning to: “How high on the way up?”. My mother has dined out on that anecdote for fifty years. It’s a good story, worthy to be retold. Just don’t laugh when he is around to hear it. Or do.


      PS She also claims she is taller than him. I have known my parents for a long time. The jury is still out. Let’s hope she won’t shrink. He may have the last laugh yet.

      Comment by bitchontheblog — March 29, 2012 @ 14:42 | Reply

  4. I could see you in a veil
    all very 1960s Audrey Hepburn thriller!

    Comment by finlaygray — March 29, 2012 @ 21:00 | Reply

  5. I think most people look better shrouded in mystery and layers of veils, towels, sheets, what have you. My imagination is always more flattering to self and others. And I agree with you: true beauty runs through and through.

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — March 31, 2012 @ 12:41 | Reply

    • Yes, Lorna, layers are erotic. Which is why corsets should be brought back into fashion. Patience. Anticipation. That’s the name of the game.

      A few years ago I bought a pair of brown soft leather boots, just a little higher than my ankles, say mid calf (think Western). Laced up all the way.. Wish I still had them. They sure diverted attention away from my face.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — March 31, 2012 @ 18:08 | Reply

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