Bitch on the Blog

July 24, 2012


I hate being restricted. Physically. One of the reasons I don’t wear a watch. And when I did – many years ago – it was a lovely Gucci number: A bangle, not a tight wrist band.

If I need the time I either look at the computer or ask a stranger in the street. It’s a conversation opener if nothing else. People are not used any longer to being asked for the time. So you have their attention immediately. If only for the novelty value of them having to take their ear plugs out so they can hear the question. And communicate. And yes, I will try this in New York. To prove that, despite rumours to the contrary, New Yorkers too are open to new experiences (with strangers).

I do have a clock. In the lounge. Freestanding. Stylish. Wooden frame. A cube 12 cm x 12 cm. Simple face.

Before the day fills with noise there is the morning. Mornings are quiet. Other than the seagulls. Seagulls make a most frightful noise – always appearing to be in a state of alarm. Why can’t they sing like ‘normal’ birds or at least be quiet? And before you say anything, David, yes, I do know that penguins too are birds. Neither do they sing.

That clock. In the lounge. It will tick. Audibly. Relentlessly. Frightens the hell out of me – occasionally. Like now. Which is why I fled to my desk. Sometimes I think the reason people write music (particularly Beethoven) is to blend out the sound of a clock ticking. Give me a seagull any time. At least I know what the weather will be like.




  1. Gulls! Damn things wake me up early every day…and we’re no where near the sea…. their local nesting ground has been demolished but never mind, when the unmentionable supermarket (no I will not use foul language, even on line) is finally complete they can get back to doing what they seem to do best!

    I like clocks….. such ingenuity…… and watches too…all analogue except that alarm radio!

    I’ve never thought of using , “Excuse me. Have you got the time?” as a Pick up line….probably because the schoolboy reply was too often, “Yes, if you have the inclination.” odr “If you can pay.”

    My favourite wristwatch is a smart Omega Seamaster, vintage 1966 with a charcoal grey dial and simple gold markings: My 21st birthday present My father’s advie was “Buy a good movement in a stainless stell case and when you hav stopped falling in bogs we will have it put into a gold case>” he died four years later so I had to buy the gold case myself> My eldest sone has my father’s watch…ex military which every horologist who has serviced it has wanted to buy…. it cost him £12 15s 6d from the Sunday Express back in the 1950s.

    Have yet to find a really good pocket watch……….

    Um as for singing…. have never heard a crow, or infact a magpie, sing….. Chuckle! I have a nice line in put downs for ornithloists who wax lyrical about how beautiful birdsong is:” Just think what they are actually saying.”
    “What’s that then?”
    ” Right you lot! Here I am and this is my patch. Now ******* off! By the way girls, I’m the bloke for you.”

    Comment by David — July 24, 2012 @ 12:23 | Reply

  2. I suppose you could get one of those time pieces Victorian gentlemen used to pull from their waistcoats. You’d probably look quite eccentric when you inspected it, but being eccentric is better than having a red mark on your wrist. Your comments about seagulls makes me wonder whether you’re a seaside blogger, like Miss Fishfinger Butty (Blackpool). She has been mugged and shat on by seagulls.

    Comment by Gorilla Bananas — July 24, 2012 @ 17:40 | Reply

    • I too have been shat on by a seagull. Once. About two years ago. Not in Blackpool. In Bournemouth. Town Centre. It was a first. The sun was shining. I was hit by what felt like a particularly big and cool raindrop right at the top of my crown. Stupidly I touched it. Sherlock Holmes to my James Bond looked at her fingertips and fled into Debenhams. Ground floor. Gleaming cosmetic counters everywhere. Cant’ remember the make I chose. Most delicious guy, or should I say gay, complete with eye makeup. I must have held onto some composure because he offered ‘Madam’ his services. How can you help me? I asked him. Please do hand me some tissues. Pronto. And don’t look. He didn’t bat an eyelid when I told him what it was for. You can’t beat manners, can you? So that was shite. However, they do say that bird droppings signify luck. Touch wood.


      Comment by Ursula — July 24, 2012 @ 18:33 | Reply

  3. Your spamguard is still showing me its middle finger.

    Comment by GBananas — July 24, 2012 @ 17:52 | Reply

  4. Seagulls give a wonderful sound for me. It means I’M AT THE BEACH — which is rare.

    I don’t wear a watch & forget to wear one when I need it. If I have to know the time to meet an appointment I ask, whether on the trail or street.

    Comment by bikehikebabe66 — July 25, 2012 @ 18:24 | Reply

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