Bitch on the Blog

August 19, 2012

Fiction

Filed under: Errors — bitchontheblog @ 20:02
Tags: ,

I live in a rather lively area of the city. In more ways than one. Upmarket.  A little wonky during the night. And on the way between town and the harbour. So apart from the restaurant trade there is a lot of through traffic. On foot.

Remember: I wake easily and I have a vantage point. No, I am not a curtain twitcher. Mainly because I don’t have curtains. But you can’t ignore people’s plight. The Angel has strictly forbidden me to go downstairs and intervene in any fights but call the police instead. Which I have done three times over the last year. Yes, that’s how exciting life is. The only time I didn’t [phone the police] was when a guy was beaten to a pulp, and I mean pulp, at four in the morning  and I couldn’t find the fucking phone. Still feel awful about that. I did follow it up but there was no report of damage either with A&E or the police. His corpse probably been concreted into the road works going on at the time.

By way of intro to this post the above is abysmal, and budding writers do take note: That’s not the way to get your readers’ attention.

I am not a lady in lavender but have recently taken to most questionable fancy: Watching, mostly British,  crime. Give me Poirot (David Suchet) and I am your Belgian truffle, melting in his hand. Give me Miss Marple and I wish I lived where she does. Or in Oxford: Lewis and the most gorgeous Hathaway (gorgeous not only on account of how a suit hangs so very well off him but because he is so educated, eloquent, witty, dry, let’s not get carried away). Where was I? Crime.

Here is a most vexing question: When all those detectives and prosecuting lawyers ask witnesses and suspects a question how come they always know the time and any other detail? And what was missing off the mantle piece or a wall.  I am a pretty observant person but I can tell you for a fact that I’d be useless. Absolutely useless. Who wore what when? Who ate what? Who spoke to whom? I haven’t got the faintest idea. Which – come to think of it – makes me an ideal victim.

Stab me now.

U

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4 Comments »

  1. I look for some exciting fights in our town’s Police Blotter, in our 3 page newspaper. All I see are items like, “SOMEONE WAS BOTHERING THE DUCKS AT ASHLEY POND.” (It’s a pond smack in the middle of town.)
    Also Ashley Pond was a man who lived here before the government took over the land to make it a secret place where scientists invented the atomic bomb (& hydrogen bomb). Let’s try & forget that!

    Comment by bikehikebabe66 — August 19, 2012 @ 21:58 | Reply

    • No, BHB, Oppenheimer should not be forgotten. Not least because you can’t – in my opinion – hold a scientist responsible for what those in power do with his discovery.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — August 19, 2012 @ 22:28 | Reply

  2. cont.
    Robert Oppenheimer was the main man on the Atom Bomb (Manhattan Project). His life size bronze statue stands at the (Historical) Lodge where we go for Scottish Country Dancing Mon. nights. He has his left hand out holding his pipe. That puts him in perfect dance position, so I put my hand in his & other on his shoulder & pretend we are dancing. I’m sure I am the only one that does this.

    Comment by bikehikebabe66 — August 19, 2012 @ 22:13 | Reply

    • BHB, my reply to your earlier comment crossed over with this one.

      I think it so very romantic and touching that you see that ‘perfect dancing position’. I am sure he’d been more than happy to take your hand on the floor.

      Yes, Oppenheimer. A man dear to my heart.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — August 19, 2012 @ 22:33 | Reply


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