Bitch on the Blog

September 24, 2012

Yes, it’s been a long three or four years

Filed under: Family — bitchontheblog @ 01:18
Tags: , ,

Never shall you learn more about people than when the shit hits the fan.

How you deal with a crisis is what divides the loin from the snout. Let’s rephrase this for the vegetarians among you, not least Lorna: What divides the potato from the peel. Please do remind me to buy a new peeler. My last one has bitten the dust.

One of the pig tails in my life has proven stupid. Not stupid as in the ‘village idiot’. Village idiots have an innate wisdom if only you take the time to sit next to them. Or walk with them. No, stupid as in ’emotional’ intelligence being at the lower end of the spectrum. Which, to my relief, has helped me to let go of someone.  Have come to conclusion that losing respect is the ultimate turn-off in any relationship. Even that with a sister.




  1. “losing respect is the ultimate turn-off in any relationship” – powerful words Ursula. And truer than we often realize.

    Comment by writingfeemail — September 24, 2012 @ 10:58 | Reply

    • Yes, Renee. So very true. Only a few times in my life have I wished I’d lose respect more quickly than I appear to be able to. Still, all in good time. And at our own pace.


      Comment by Ursula — September 24, 2012 @ 18:06 | Reply

  2. Thanks for the rephrase–I appreciate it! 🙂

    Letting go of someone…easier said than done, and not always so easily said. And if if that someone doesn’t let go of you? I’ve had that happen. I didn’t expect it and was rather flummoxed by it. They didn’t have the good sense to stay let go of. Imagine that!

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — September 24, 2012 @ 16:49 | Reply

    • Letting go of someone, Lorna? Let’s leave those who die on us aside (obviously there is nothing one can do about it, and the dead don’t die on purpose just to spite you). I tend to be a ‘stayer’. Not for the sake of it. Not at all. My two marriages were resolved amicably. I still count both men as friends (without benefits).

      However, and I have mentioned this in past posts, I was once, not that long ago, drawn to, yes, a gay guy. GG. Oh, Lorna, how to play it safe. You know how? You fall in love with a gay man. That’s how.both of you are safe. I can’t emphasize this enough: Safe. No entanglement. Pull the other one.

      There was many a time when I tried to break it off. Gut instinct. But he lured me back every single time. There was such a vibe of utter loneliness about him how could I ‘leave’ him? A happy three years we bumbled along side each other until, on a whim, or maybe because he had run out of things to say, he turned off the tap. Just like that. I was devastated. No one leaves me. No one. Still, there is always a first.

      However, and this is where the story gets interesting, and linking back to your comment: I found myself in a DOUBLE bind. Early on he made me swear to never forsake him, to keep writing, come what may. I promised I wouldn’t [forsake him] and I would keep writing. I keep my promises. Which, essentially, by keeping in contact (via email) made me a backdoor stalker after he had severed our bond. Do try to get your brain round this one (few can): I keep my promise and become a pest. Plain ridiculous I know. But then life is ridiculous – occasionally. So I kept my promise for more than three years. I kept writing. I cajoled. I teased. I comforted. Occasionally I rallied at his complete silence towards the woman he once worshipped. It’s crazy, I know: Of all the people in the world, a gay guy I never exchanged bodily fluids with would gut me like no one has gutted me before or after. Other than my sister. Funnily enough, and this will not go down well with the scientific mind: Both of them were born in the same year.

      You can tell, can’t you: I am traumatized. As best as anyone can traumatize me. Which is not a lot. Anyway that’s all in the past now. I don’t even go on his blog anymore. Such is my progress. Great pity though. One may lose handkerchieves. But to lose a friend? A sister? Over what exactly?

      No idea. None whatsoever.


      Comment by Ursula — September 24, 2012 @ 17:57 | Reply

      • Sounds to me that in the losing of them, you found something of yourself. It’s a lonely journey, this path to you. But it doesn’t have to be traveled alone. Each person along the way reflects something important back to us that we take with us. And maybe you haven’t lost as much as you think you have. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I don’t, at least.

        I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who is off limits but keeps the door open. Cat. Mouse. It’s hard know who is who. It’s exhausting.

        Comment by Lorna's Voice — September 24, 2012 @ 21:27 | Reply

      • One can only extend a hand halfway, or maybe even three-fourths of the way outward toward another. And one can only extend a hand for so long, before it is needed for other purposes in this life. I understand you are troubled by a lack of explanation for such actions, yet I do wonder if any explanations will truly ameliorate the pain, especially after so long a period.

        Comment by Phil — September 25, 2012 @ 13:11 | Reply

  3. If I may ask, was this conclusion drawn from a long and sustained silence or ignorance of issues by the other party, or was it borne of a recent comment that pushed you over the precipice?

    Comment by Phil — September 25, 2012 @ 13:01 | Reply

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