Bitch on the Blog

October 13, 2012


Filed under: Friends — bitchontheblog @ 13:34
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I have just received two more ‘Failure Notices”. From the ‘postmaster’ himself. A timely reminder not to get above myself. Never to assume everything will just be fine. It won’t.

On 21st September, on occasion of my LSF’s (longest standing friend) birthday, and on the brink of dialling his number I managed to drown my phone. No, not in the toilet. But copious amounts of water were involved. Since the Angel was away I couldn’t borrow his cell phone. So far, so not so good. LSF deserves an Oscar in friendship terms but he refuses to accept any of my condolences as to his advancing years when they come late.

It gets worse. Not that long ago I acquired another friend, let’s call him MRS (most recent friend), red carpet material too, whose birthday (yesterday) I also managed not so much miss as ‘the postmaster’ putting the sock in. I had high hopes of the time zone difference giving me a leg up. No such luck. I missed midnight’s deadline.

I am not given to grovelling but needs must. With Lorna’s birthday on the horizon maybe there will be another failure notice winging its way to me.

Hugs, kisses, best wishes and Happy Birthday to everyone, past, present and future,

Unfailingly yours,




  1. Bah! The one nice thing about friends is most do not mind – really. Besides, why celebrate one day with friends when you can celebrate 364 days instead? A Very Merry Unbirthday to you Ursula.

    I am curious though about your drowned phone though. I’m sure there’s a story there.

    Comment by Phil — October 13, 2012 @ 13:47 | Reply

    • Thank you, Phil. As always so very generous.

      The story of the drowned phone is boring. And ridiculous. Normally I phone LSF on his landline. However, since he was travelling on occasion of his birthday he gave me his new cell phone number a few days beforehand. This is the length some people will go to to hear my voice. To be congratulated on all and sundry. At my peril.

      So there I was, just having filled a tankard full of water, on my desk, trying to hunt down that snippet of paper with the number on it. Let haste and your elbow take their course. At least the water didn’t spill over the keyboard. Naturally, LFS, being of a benignly suspicious and cynical nature, didn’t believe a word of it. Sometimes I think a lie works better than the truth Next time I’ll just stage my own funeral. Let’s hope no one will attend. I can hear the complaints now: “You weren’t even dead”.


      Comment by Ursula — October 13, 2012 @ 14:20 | Reply

  2. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who always remember birthdays and do something about it on time and people who might remember at some point and might do something about it at some point. I fall into the latter category. Why? Not because I’n narcissistic. It’s because I live in the moment, which makes planning ahead very difficult. People who know me accept this about me.

    That you remember my birthday is coming up is amazing to me. I hardly remember. Thank you for the birthday wishes in advance. I wish you the best every day! 🙂

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — October 13, 2012 @ 15:52 | Reply

    • Lorna, thank you for your daily best wishes. Roll on Thursday is my current mantra.

      I always remember birthdays. Not like my mother who will send a handwritten card in time to arrive before the day. Between her and the Angel I even remembered my own (last) birthday – on its eve. I even had to do the maths. Then I got excited. I so expected a particular bunch of flowers (oh the shame of it) I walked round the neighbourhood come evening, knocking at doors, wondering if they had had a florist’s delivery. If they did they denied all knowledge. Bastards.

      LSF has theory – which I can’t say I particularly like or agree with – that I am very good at foiling/sabotaging my best intentions (see drowning of phone in water). But then what do you expect from the woman who on the eve of her first wedding (age nineteen) picked up a bunch of fleas? Fleas love me. Dogs’ and cats’. Pretty indiscriminately. My about to be mother-in-law was incandescent. Not that she held me responsible. Luckily she knew what to do. She always knew what to do. And if she didn’t she’d retreat to her room with a migraine.


      Comment by Ursula — October 13, 2012 @ 16:21 | Reply

      • OK, so now I need to hear your flea story!

        Comment by Phil — October 13, 2012 @ 18:03 | Reply

      • Oh my! Sounds like your memoir would be a delightful read. Fleas before your wedding? You can’t make that stuff up! 🙂

        Comment by Lorna's Voice — October 13, 2012 @ 21:39 | Reply

  3. I remember my birthday but not always my age.

    Comment by bikehikebabe66 — October 13, 2012 @ 16:31 | Reply

    • For me it’s easy to remember my age. It’s always 30. What I forget is how many years of experience I have at being 30…

      Comment by Phil — October 13, 2012 @ 18:00 | Reply

  4. That is such a bad feeling. I used to be the person who remembered everyone’s birthday. Now I am lucky to remember to brush my teeth before leaving the house. I think I forgot to take my medicine on Friday, but couldn’t remember if I did or not so I let it ride. I am still alive. Some days, that’s enough. A real friend forgives and understands. In case I missed yours, Happy Birthday Ursula.

    Comment by writingfeemail — October 14, 2012 @ 13:00 | Reply

    • Thank you, Renee. If my memory serves me right our birthdays are next door to each other.

      LSF, kindly, has now given me two years’ notice as to his next big zero, to be celebrated in Vienna, in a most unlikely location: A cemetery. I haven’t booked the flights yet, but have left copious reminders and yellow post it notes in unlikely places just to make sure I’ll be there in my finery. Two years – that’ll give me plenty of time to contemplate what to wear. Probably something fluorescent so he can’t later claim he never saw me in the dark.

      My present to him? A bone. Lovingly and thoroughly gnawed. Dried in the sun.


      Comment by Ursula — October 15, 2012 @ 03:05 | Reply

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