Bitch on the Blog

October 26, 2012

Boo to the goose

Filed under: Communication — bitchontheblog @ 22:23
Tags: , , ,

You think snails are slow? Don’t.

People are too sensitive.

If I say that I wouldn’t do/wear/say/drive X, Y and Z doesn’t mean that I criticize someone who does. It’s one of the saddest – and totally unnecessary – parts of human nature to go on the defensive as soon as you don’t nod your head.

Twice in my early life I was reduced to keep snails as pets. Don’t weep for me. They taught me a lot – not least that you may offer salad leaves, a shoe box as a home and name them (yes,  you too, Amanda)  it won’t stop them fleeing your tender loving care. The swines. Since when I value little more than loyalty.

Yes, so people and snails are far too sensitive.  All you need to do is touch a snail’s tendrils or just lift it up carefully off the ground and it will retreat into its shell. Fast. Very fast  considering how slow they are. Patience is the name of the game with snails. They will emerge again. Eventually. Other than that I think they are deaf. Impervious to reason. I am not surprised people eat them drenched in garlic butter. To avert attention how utterly tasteless (and rubbery) they [the snails] are.

Remember to starve snails for 24 hours should you wish to consume them.

U

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19 Comments »

  1. You had pet snails. I had a pet spider. He lived by the toilet & when he first saw me he ran behind the cabinet. Later after we were friends he stayed out. My husband killed him 😦 He said spider might bite the grandchildren.

    Comment by bikehikebabe66 — October 26, 2012 @ 23:15 | Reply

  2. We – and by ‘we’ I mean my son – had a hermit crab. It had a shell that it liked to retreat to, so I’m thinking we’re on the same wave length.

    Comment by writingfeemail — October 26, 2012 @ 23:46 | Reply

  3. That’s what people do–they gobble up the sensitive creatures, putting us on the endangered species list in more ways than one. And, yes, I said “us.” I am among the sensitive creatures of which you speak.

    I’m not deaf, but sometimes wish I didn’t hear so much of the stuff that passes for discourse in this whacky world. We can be terribly cruel to each other.

    I think that the “sensitive” people are the ones who admit that they are hurt by what others dish out. But in reality, all of us are affected by the cruel words and deeds of others. Those who proudly claim to be not “overly sensitive” are just not admitting to themselves or others the sting of what they try to deflect from others..

    We’re all snails. Some of us just admit it. That’s what this snail thinks… 😉

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — October 27, 2012 @ 17:57 | Reply

    • I’m sensitive, but I try to ignore hurtful comments. Doesn’t work well. I’ve been told “Don’t give those people power.” Power to affect your happiness, well-being. Some women now-a-days talk back. But I was brought up in the era where everyone was nice & we were all “ladies”. Don’t laugh. This was the 40s & 50s.

      Comment by bikehikebabe66 — October 27, 2012 @ 18:10 | Reply

      • Cynthia, people talk an awful lot of nonsense. When I hear “Don’t give those people power” well, all I can say: I can’t switch off my feelings.

        Anyway what’s ‘power’ got to do with it? Nowadays everyone is in far too much of a hurry to overcome perfectly justified grievances. Whats pisses me off, big time, that if something does take you a while to get over those who proffer ‘advice’ make you feel even more shit by implying that if you can’t “snap out of it” (pronto) you are a failure. As you know I do not buy into the ‘happiness’ industry. We are happy, and sometimes we are not. End of story.

        U

        Comment by Ursula — October 27, 2012 @ 20:54 | Reply

        • U, So true.

          Comment by bikehikebabe66 — October 27, 2012 @ 21:17 | Reply

        • As a person who was born happy, I do understand everyone’s need to be unhappy at times. If anything, it provides contrast in emotion making the happiness better appreciated. I also understand that everyone needs to work through whatever is hurting them in an appropriate (for them) time frame. And, as a person who was born happy, I find it difficult to balance between being sensitive to the saddened person’s need to grieve and hurt – to properly process the hurt and put it all into perspective, and the need to get the saddened person to move on from the hurt lest they allow that indulgence to completely snag them in a pool of stagnancy. It’s a balance at which I often fail, erring on the happy side, though I sure as hell hope I never come across as some Polly-Anna-ish character. (smiley definitely omitted in this case)

          Comment by Phil — October 28, 2012 @ 14:01 | Reply

          • How very interesting your turn of phrase: “…everyone’s need to be unhappy at times.” I have no need to be unhappy but I certainly am, occasionally, even if just for a fleeting moment. “Perspective” – oh, yes, my dear Phil, perspective – the ever elusive perspective. Insert sighing smiley. I have said it before: Reason and feeling are at loggerheads. Reason can talk till it’s blue in the face. Your heart will win. A heavy heart weighs in, well, heavier than the light footed reasoning.

            I think it most important that if someone is pained (whether justified or not) to acknowledge that this is so, subjectively. The moment people stop saying to the pained “Yes, BUT…” is the moment you will claw your way out of a hole.

            U

            Comment by Ursula — October 28, 2012 @ 18:20 | Reply

      • I hear what you are saying, and yet while not necessarily a tactic of talking back, you may want to consider a rather direct but non-threatening method of leveling with someone who makes a hurtful comment by simply saying something like, “When you (insert whatever hurtful action done by the other), I find it to be rather (hurtful, insensitive, inappropriate, whatever your emotional reaction is).” All you are doing is telling the other how they have made you feel. No further words are necessary on your part, as you haven’t directly threatened or escalated the hurtfulness in kind. Good time to walk away and let the offender think about what you said – you can be lady-like and still defend yourself.

        With regard to the ability to ignore hurtful comments, years and years of coaching competitive sports for both young men and young women have taught me there is a lot more internalization of criticism that occurs with women than men. I can yell more with a group of young men – maybe it stokes or challenges their manhood and inspires them to play harder oftentimes. Not at all the case with even the most competitive women’s teams I have coached. You cannot challenge a woman’s manhood… Getting in their face loudly to inspire a harder effort rarely worked. I often need to use a more confidence oriented approach, letting them know we’ll be OK if we just work harder on X or Y, and then giving them information how to accomplish that. I realize this is a generalization, but there is some truth to the tendency, at least in a sports model.

        Comment by Phil — October 28, 2012 @ 13:41 | Reply

        • Phil, I agree. However, in order to put your theory into practice you first need to be able to respond. How do you do that when the other persons have left the room (leaving you speechless in the true sense of the word)? The last three years, for the first time in my life – and I hope the last – I have, like Sisyphus, pushed a rock up a steep wall of silence. Patience and persistence being my middle name the last few weeks have seen a breakthrough. As the frog half way down the heron’s beak says: “Never give up”. Yes, never give up. If it kills you.

          I am surprised at your experience of the difference between male and female sports wo/men. Oh my god. My sports teacher was something else. A benign (with emphasis on benign) dictator. I loved that woman. She did not mince her words. And all of us took it in our stride – and, as an aside, she had the knack to NOT make the no-hopers feel bad. In the changing room she’d say: “Ladies, do fall out of your trousers”. You don’t want to know what she had to say on why some of us had our period EVERY week thus being conveniently ‘indisposed’ and not being able to participate. Instead giving the local cafe some business.

          Thinking back to that scenario, and if that teacher had been a man (most likely one on whose shrine we’d worship leading us straight to daggers drawn at dawn) we’d marched to a different tune and, no doubt, some of us be reduced to sniffling wrecks. Not me. I do NOT sniffle. And I do not take orders. Not even from the most gorgeous specimen. Where is a door when you need to bang it?

          Talking about ‘generalizations’: In my experience, not that I have much, boys may APPEAR to take criticism in their stride but they don’t. That’s why they strive to please where some girls pull the girly card and weep, yet, inside just shrug their shoulders. “Whatever”.

          Interesting subject you touched on. To be explored.

          U

          Comment by Ursula — October 28, 2012 @ 18:51 | Reply

    • Lorna, all of us have our sensitivities. Granted. My god, do find my Achilles heel, stab at it and I will limp.

      And yes, we are affected by others. Positively. Negatively. And some are so pained they turn into hermits.

      Someone once said of, and to, me that it’s difficult to hurt me. Or that I don’t easily hurt. Something along those lines. Indeed, I do not hurt easily. I took his comment as a compliment. True grit and all that, rarely giving a glimpse of where the spear has met its target.

      What I am not is a snail. What hurts I’ll take into my heart and give it consideration but my door is always open and I most certainly will never retreat.

      See you in the garden,

      U

      Comment by Ursula — October 27, 2012 @ 20:44 | Reply

      • Yes, see you in the garden. I won’t be the snail either–too slimy for me. I’ll be the little flower in the shade.

        Comment by Lorna's Voice — October 28, 2012 @ 14:00 | Reply

  4. Garlic butter is the great equalizer. Makes even unpalatable things go down nicely. Beware of snail pellets U. As to comments and what not, I’m reminded of Rick Nelson’s line – “You can’t please everyone so you’ve got to please yourself.” and fuggum if they can’t take a joke.

    Comment by shackman — October 28, 2012 @ 06:11 | Reply

    • Shackman, I never take a short cut. Hence no slug pellets for me. I currently don’t have a garden but in the years I did, and I am sure you will be pleased, I employed beer traps. Let them drown happily. Other than that I could be found in the garden, like a character out of a Wilkie Collins novel, at dawn when the dew draws snails out by their dozens. Collecting them off my precious plants with my own fair hands. How did I dispose of them? Don’t ask. I do have connaisseurs among people passing by. Handed them a bag. Passing the buck by another name.

      U

      Comment by Ursula — October 28, 2012 @ 19:02 | Reply

  5. As they say in business: Do lunch or be lunch…

    Comment by Phil — October 28, 2012 @ 14:02 | Reply

    • Hi there “Born Happy”.
      There’s truth in “You can choose to be happy.” Thinking of what you want & not what you don’t want does wonders. Be thankful for what you have and not what you don’t have.

      Comment by bikehikebabe66 — October 28, 2012 @ 14:17 | Reply

      • “Thinking of what you want…” Right there is the heart of the matter. We are creatures of both mind and heart. When the heart is wounded, no problem letting the mind temporarily take the lead. I am not denying that the heart still hurts, but in this case, having the mind take the lead, even if only for a while, helps keep the whole persona moving forward through difficult times. There will be plenty of other times when the heart can lead and the mind take a respite as well.

        I am enjoying the conversation, though I must now leave and finish up preparations for Hurricane Sandy who seems to be right on our path, destined to hit sometime tomorrow late in the day.

        Comment by Phil — October 28, 2012 @ 15:16 | Reply

        • Batten down the hatches, Phil.Unlike yours truly I hope you will have stocked up on batteries.

          Did you know, and I am sure you do, that the hurricane alphabet does not feature the letter ‘U’? Thus there will never be a ‘Hurricane Ursula’. More is the pity.

          U

          Comment by Ursula — October 28, 2012 @ 19:06 | Reply

          • No U? That is a pity indeed. Cast out with the lonely company of Q, X, Y, and Z. I think you should all band together and protest such an intentional slight. And horror of all horrors, we start using the Greek Alphabet. No Ursula, but Alpha? Well unless of course you are an alpha female, but that’s another topic altogether…

            Comment by Phil — October 30, 2012 @ 20:21 | Reply


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