Bitch on the Blog

November 18, 2012

Coming up for air

Filed under: Amusement — bitchontheblog @ 06:00
Tags: , , , , ,

Don’t say I can’t be obedient.

Last week I went for a scan (no, I am not pregnant, and don’t worry: I’ll live till I die). The doctor asked me to breathe in deeply and HOLD my breath. I did. I held it. Patiently. Remembering a time BC (Before I wore Contact lenses) when I set myself the most idiotic challanges diving and staying down for as long as possible.

I lost my interest in diving once I went myopic. Strange, but goggles and I don’t see eye to eye. Fast forward to the now: I don’t smoke, I am fit – so who needs to breathe. And anyway – if at all possible do not disobey a doctor’s command. They might become ill disposed towards you.  So there I was, slowly drowning, willing myself not to breathe – when I heard him say: “Breathe in again”. What do you mean: AGAIN? I haven’t breathed out yet from the last time.

I burst out laughing. He smiled. At least we now know that my lungs still have capacity belying wear and tear. After that I tried to pay a bit more attention to his  “Breathe OUT”.

Come to think of it, the breathing out brings a strangely comforting sensation with it. Maybe that’s where the expression “a sigh of relief” comes from. On the other hand, and just to prove my point: Someone will “take a deep breath”, or worse “a sharp breath”. And worst of all: A last breath. Inhale. And with your last exhale, this is me when still a little girl, your soul flies out of your mouth (to a place unknown – no forwarding address) in disgust and horror how its vessel, your body, could just close up shop. Make you homeless.

Yes, I know it’s all very comforting. But it’s only 0559 GMT. And dark.




  1. “I lost my interest in diving once I went myopic.”

    Reminds me. I never could dive. That was unusual having spent my summers in the lake or pool. Summers are hot & humid in West Virginia (USA). I took a poll & my brothers & sisters couldn’t dive either. I read in a diary after Mother died that she hit her head on the diving board trying a back flip. It’s her fault. She made us afraid of diving.
    I entered a swimming contest in Canada & everybody had to jump in because I couldn’t dive which no one liked. To make matters worse I won the race. (I think I already told you this, but you get repeats when dealing with old people. How I hate that word Old.)

    Comment by bikehikebabe66 — November 18, 2012 @ 15:20 | Reply

    • I said sisters. Ha! I only had one sister. I get to blame that on Old.

      Comment by bikehikebabe66 — November 18, 2012 @ 15:22 | Reply

      • Lucky you. ONE sister? Try two.

        My mother hasn’t yet come round to my suggestion that we should have drowned at least one of them at birth but I believe that’s mainly because then she (that’s my mother) would have missed out on four delightful grandchildren. Other than that my two sisters need their heads realigned. My youngest sister is like a train on a track. Can’t see right or left. Let’s hope she won’t derail. No, actually, let’s hope she will derail. It’s quite fantastic. Naturally, every time I so much as question both my sisters’ purpose and their motivation to make my mother’s life currently a misery I am accused of playing the ‘older sister’ card. What? Yeah, well. Someone has to think this through instead of stamping their feet like a three year old on speed. And It’s hardly my fault that I was the first born, that I feel responsible for my original family’s wellbeing. Still, sometimes you can spit in the wind and it’ll fly straight back in your face. That’s why it pays to go sailing. You soon learn. More than knots.

        As to you repeating yourself, Cynthia. I do it all the time. Everyone does. Nothing to do with age. There will be anecdotes dear to our hearts which we will repeat and repeat and repeat. Some people like it. The impatient don’t. I have shortcomings but I am never impatient. Tell me the same story, show me photographs I have seen a hundred times. That’s fine. If that is what makes you happy, then I am happy. Remind me to tell my youngest sister this simple law of human relations [particularly when the person in question is your own mother].

        There is a lot of talk about ‘Karma’: What goes around comes around. For my sister(s)’s sake I hope it won’t come true.


        Comment by bitchontheblog — November 18, 2012 @ 19:04 | Reply

        • 🙂 & 😀 This is the easy way to express my pleasure of this post. I know you don’t like smiley faces. It’s a copout. Good for idiots who can’t put their thought into a sentence.

          Comment by bikehikebabe66 — November 18, 2012 @ 19:25 | Reply

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