Bitch on the Blog

July 22, 2013

Pass me a lemon

Filed under: Sea — bitchontheblog @ 00:55
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Have done the maths: There will be no babies in April 2014. It is so fucking hot.

To divert my attention from the pack of peas in the freezer I thought of Clint Eastwood. Good old Clinty. Like the guy. Those eyes.That smoke. Blondie. Yes. poor Blondie – being dragged through the desert. No water. His tormentor’s saving grace that (being Mexican) he was charming. And had such a dirty laugh. Yes, so here I am: Sleepless in Southampton. Fully observant how the body cools itself. Tries to cool itself. Honestly: I live two minutes (max), on foot, from the coast and there is no breeze. None whatsoever. Even the seagulls have gone quiet.

Which reminds me, apropos of nothing, of one of our cats. Yes, good old Bouncer. He was huge. Even when he was tiny. Hence his name. Most stupid cat I have ever known. Affectionate to the point of suffocating. He liked to sun himself. In half shade underneath a Clematis or a big bush of Lavatera. Then he fell off the flesh. From more than 8 kg to 3.5. Skin cancer. Irreparable. As I keep saying: His mother, my son’s first cat, had about 27 lives, Bouncer had 18, all used up, and then they died. Within a few months of each other. Both nine years old. Am beginning to sound like John. Who has promised to leave me Albert within the confines of his last will and testament.



  1. Clint is just down the road from me on the other side of the artichoke fields. Carmel is a very nice place to visit.

    The “Mexican” was actually a Jew from New York.

    Comment by Looney — July 22, 2013 @ 04:37 | Reply

    • OH MY GOD, Looney: I am in correspondence with someone who lives a few artichokes away from Eastwood. This will impress my brother who made Clint his hero when at an impressionable age. Alexander, now in his forties, too old for me to ask you to secure him an internship in Carmel; otherwise Iā€™d send him over.

      Talking about heroes: One day, when I can bring myself to embarrass myself in public, I shall recount what a fool I made of myself when introduced to a woman whose every uttering (and recipes) I worship(ped). Makes me blush to this day.

      Yes, Eli Wallach. Great guy. Twinkle in his eye. Even when cruel (in his role). And then there was Lee Van Cleef and his sharp and finely chiselled nose, and those piercing eyes. And the way he lights up. Lauren Bacall was good at that too (asking for a match). Saw her once on stage. London. Was enthralled. Before I start on John Wayne et al ā€¦ will take my leave,


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 22, 2013 @ 09:52 | Reply

  2. Ursula were heat the determining factor in procreational; activities there would be no children in Texas 9 months from the beginning if summer through the end. That is after all why god invented air conditioning – or so I am told. You have strolled into my wheelhouse as if there’s anything I love as much as music it’s movies. Lauren Bacall is the ultimate hottie along with Maureen O’Hara IMHO. I have eaten in Clint’s restaurant and looney is 100% correct – Carmel is great fun to visit. At least is used to be – I have been gone too long to know for sure these days but that’s the place Lynn and I used to go on weekend getaways.

    Comment by Chuck McConvey — July 22, 2013 @ 12:18 | Reply

    • Yes, air conditioning. The American dream. You know what I have done? And please don’t think the lesser of me for it: I filled my hot water bottle with cold water and put it in the fridge. Now it is benignly keeping my lower back cool. As they say: The devil is the mother of invention.

      Obviously I knew even before making your, Con’s and Looney’s and others’ acquaintance that America exists. But there is something delicious to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. Even if the horse has many mouths since your country so big and diverse.

      Lauren Bacall? To me she is coolness and elegance personnified. I am elegant. Cool? No. If there is one thing I am not it’s cool. In one sense. And gave up smoking ages ago. Not voluntarily. Emotional blackmail – that’s why. Not that I am not grateful. My lungs being as new.

      Your memory so sweet. You have whet my appetite.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 22, 2013 @ 13:10 | Reply

  3. I have two words for you Ursula: water sex. šŸ˜‰

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — July 22, 2013 @ 14:33 | Reply

    • Let me say, Lorna, and there are few women (if any) I have said this to: You are my better. And I am resourceful. Water? Only a Scorpio could come up with your solution (for those without a clue: Scorpio is the sexy sign of the cycle). Alright then. There will be babies next April.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 22, 2013 @ 17:45 | Reply

      • I am humbled by your compliment. We really need to send some time sipping tea together before this life is over.

        Comment by Lorna's Voice — July 22, 2013 @ 21:12 | Reply

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