Bitch on the Blog

July 28, 2013

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Filed under: Communication — bitchontheblog @ 15:23
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Sunday afternoons do bring out the worst in people. Have just come across one of those baloney crap sayings. I know it’s my fault since, instead of reading other people’s crap, I should clear up my own backyard first (and I do, in my new found TWO minute increments – which, unfortunately, leave a lot of time to fill in between).

You can NOT beat this: “How to forgive the person you hate most.”

Honestly, I am going to blow my top over this. I don’t hate anyone. Not even the “most”. And what’s forgiving got to do with it? New Age psycho babble really needs to find a repair shop and get their curtains rewired.

First of all: Hate (like love) is a pretty extreme emotion – thus rarely encountered. Secondly, what annoys me about people preaching forgiveness is that it is so bloody self serving. Not once, whenever I stumble about this forgiveness nonsense, have I read that it’s about the OTHER person. OH, NO. It’s all about YOU, YOU, YOU. How ‘forgiving’ will make YOU feel better. Fuck off. Sorry about that. But that’s just what so called self help gurus boil down to: Making YOU feel better. How about making someone else feel better?

Thirdly: Please do engage brain and employ some logic: Maybe the person you hate the most is the very person you wish would forgive YOU for whatever your misdemeanour.

And shove that (oh so gracious) “forgiveness” back into your self righteous pocket. Talking to each other might be a start.

U

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4 Comments »

  1. Seems you may not hate ANYONE but you do hate some THINGS. Gotta agree when it comes to trite politically correct commentary in this new progressive age. Couldn’t agree more that talking to each other – simple communication – is the best -place to start.

    Now that engage brain comment – sadly too few embrace that simple truth a large part of the time.

    Comment by Chuck McConvey — July 28, 2013 @ 15:54 | Reply

    • True. I do hate THINGS. Which, for the moment, I will not dwell on till that drone hovering over my comp gets bored.

      Across the pond,
      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 28, 2013 @ 16:22 | Reply

  2. Oh, I couldn’t agree with you less on this, Ursula. I think hate is a very commonplace emotion, and when I come across it I can’t believe just how viciously it’s expressed. Think how much hatred is involved in military conflict. And racism and sexism and homophobia. Though personally, I’m not a hater either, I think I’ve hated only three people in my entire life (my father, Mrs Thatcher and a former boss).

    Also I see nothing wrong with forgiveness if that’s the alternative to years and years of bearing bitter grudges and seeking revenge. I’m a very forgiving person, and I don’t believe I forgive for purely selfish reasons, unless not holding grudges is selfish. I don’t see how forgiving someone’s bad behaviour is mere “psychobabble.” And I think forgiveness and hatred are alternatives – if you forgive someone, then you can’t hate them. That’s why I hated those three people, because I couldn’t forgive them.

    Comment by nick — July 28, 2013 @ 20:37 | Reply

    • An open and honest response, Nick. I agree there is a lot of hatred in the world responsible for many ills. Unnecessarily so.

      I was talking about personal hatred – one which I have never felt. I once came close to it; but even then it was more hatred for a situation rather than for the person who had created that grief.

      As to forgiveness I think you misunderstand: I didn’t say there is anything wrong with forgiving someone. If indeed there is anything to forgive. But what, in my opinion, is very wrong is for self help gurus to force it down our throats to forgive, and please do reread what I said, for entirely selfish reasons. To me it feels what they say is NOT so much about forgiving the OTHER as making YOURself feel better. That, in my book, is not forgiveness. That is putting an artificial spin on something. Neither does it work.

      And sometimes, as you state, one can’t forgive. But to not forgive does not equal hatred. Neither is it ‘holding a grudge’. We have to accept that some things are so beyond the pale there is a point of no return. You put it rather poetically in your last sentence – and an interesting twist it is: You hated your father because you couldn’t forgive him. And maybe you had good reason to hate your father. So much you cannot forgive him. In my books that’s ok. That that hate hurts you more than him – sure, granted. Fact of life is: We can’t gloss over everything just to make it better. Sometimes an elastoplast will do, other times a broken bone is a broken bone. Some will set, others won’t.

      I feel for you, Nick, in as much as I can since I have felt many things in my life but ‘hatred’? No. A lucky escape, I know. One I appreciate. And to illustrate: There is one person in my life I love very much. But I cannot forgive her for the damage she has done. The damage such that there is nothing “to forgive”. What’s done is done. And I have told her that at the grave of our parents (when by necessity we will have to meet again) I will stand on one side, and she can stand on the other. And not touch me. Remember: This is a person I love with all my heart.

      I wish you well, Nick. Probably a bit late in the day now for you and your father, not least because I take it he is dead. Fact is: Shit happens. And, just a thought: Maybe what you feel is not so much ‘hatred’ as sheer rage at whatever happened to you. Now RAGE that is something I can relate to. I frequently feel rage. But rage is not hatred. Hatred I imagine festering like a wound full of pus, whereas rage flies like the wind – propelling you into action, forcing you to find a solution. Sometimes resulting in more rage because there is NO solution.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 28, 2013 @ 22:17 | Reply


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