Bitch on the Blog

August 4, 2013

Mama and Papa

Filed under: Family — bitchontheblog @ 17:30
Tags: , , , ,

Call me what you like. Old-fashioned will do. Some old fashions are good.

Just came across ludicrous headline about Prince William coming off “paternity leave”. Paternity leave? Give me a break. The last thing a freshly baked mother needs is a man on paternity leave or “nappy duty”. What is this shit? Equality gone bonkers. All a baby needs is a mother, a breast, peace and quiet. All a new mother needs is a husband who brings home the bacon and leaves well alone.

In that I was lucky: FOS (father of son) and I had a traditional marriage. There was no question of him getting up at night (he had a job to do next morning, remember?) or changing any nappy or anything. The only nappy he had to change was when I had to go to hospital for brief intervention. Day job as it were. Unfortunately an accident pulled all doctors away so I had to stay overnight. Sobbed. Told nurse that I needed to be there for my baby. Felt complete prat when she asked me how old the “baby”. Fifteen months. She raised a brow. Yeah, well. Laugh if you must. Had never been parted from him. Never mind the nappy. Phoned FOS giving him rudimentary instructions as to how. He told me they’ll survive. They did. How I do not know. But they did. However, and do take note: When, next morning, post op and on picking me up, I inquired as to how the nappy changing went he said: Fine. Yes, fine. Brilliant. Just a little whee. Nothing to write home about. Makes me laugh to this day: No sooner had we set foot into the door the Angel delivered that which he didn’t want to do to his father. Yup. The works. A full nappy. I still feel flattered. Keep the goods for Mama.

Yes, so Dads out there. Go and do what you do best: Keeping mother and baby safe by making the money. Mums out there. Do what mothers do best: Look after the brood. Fathers will come into their own, say, by the time your kid is about three. Playing. Horsing around. Sitting underneath a tree in the garden sucking Mama’s ice lollies – home made.

Stop so called equality going nowhere.

U

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8 Comments »

  1. Another task for fathers is to keep grand mothers suffering the DTs away from the family who are having a hard enough time after a CS…… oh and looking after older sibling….. just to do those two small tasks I could have done with some time off work. Otherwise I might be tempted to agree with you.
    I take it that you’re not a feminist?

    Comment by magpie11 — August 4, 2013 @ 19:28 | Reply

    • Don’t know what “DTs” are or a “CS” is, Magpie.

      You say you take it that I am not a feminist. Feminism a concept which is of zero interest to me. I don’t know what a feminist is. Other than, possibly, someone who wants to have the same rights as a man. Which, at least in the eyes of the law, women do have.

      I have been very lucky in that I come from a family with strong men and my (maternal) and tiny grandmother being the matriarch. Adored by her husband, her many sons, her two daughters and, of course, me. Never ever in my life have I encountered discrimination on grounds of gender. My parents have three daughters, one son. Of course, there was joy when number three turned out a son. Just as there was when, after four boys, my sister’s number five turned out to be a daughter.

      I take a dim view of ‘feminism’ as it is peddled. Women are women, men are men. And the sooner we acknowledge this the better. We have different strengths. There is no point trying to emulate each other.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — August 4, 2013 @ 21:30 | Reply

  2. In Scandinavia fathers can take a whole year off if they want to ( I think one parent has to go back to work )

    Comment by John going gently — August 4, 2013 @ 20:34 | Reply

    • That’s good (fathers being able to take a year off). Though totally pointless during the first couple of years. Once your child is at the stage when you start having to push little cars round the carpet, build a sandcastle, go on a bike ride – yes, that’s when fathers should have more time off. Not for the mother’s sake but for the child’s enjoyment of getting a different perspective on the world.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — August 4, 2013 @ 21:34 | Reply

    • I could cry, Ramana. I could cry and cry and cry. Have read article including Mariella’s response, though spared myself the comments because I can just imagine what they are like.

      Split housework? Rubbish. I was married to a man working so hard it nearly cracked him. Before we had the Angel I too was working. I came home and did everything. Everything. I even drove him to the airport at five in the morning only to be at work myself back at nine. One of the biggest compliments he paid me, and, no doubt, a lot of women would love to come down on me like a ton of bricks for it: “I couldn’t do this without you.” No, he couldn’t have. But I never thought about it like that. I loved being wife, homemaker, gardener. The lot. And yes, earning money between nine and five. Money always being terribly important to him.

      I never resented a minute of it. It’s good to be needed. Appreciated. And that is what we are now in danger of neglecting: Men being appreciated for being men.

      Maybe I am going so mad over it because I am the mother of a son, aunt to nine nephews, and close to all my son’s friends (all in their early twenties). The current trend in the media to rubbishing them, emasculating them, ridiculing them. Women will live to regret it. That’s for sure.

      As I said in my reply to Magpie: Men are men, women are women. And yes, as the article says, men do focus. In that respect I wish I were a man. Let them build that shed. What the hell. They are out there working their guts off and you, woman, hold it against them when they do their shiny bit? Trying to impress as a peacock does with his feathers on display? You can tell, can’t you, I go mad over this division thing. It’s complete rubbish. Artificial.

      Sure, I will admit, and was a bit of a downer, when one evening (the Angel still being a baby) FOS cooked up a storm. Only to leave the kitchen like a remnant of the Blitz. Retiring to bed, awaiting me. Myself feeding the Angel and trying to get him to sleep. That was possibly the only time I felt a little dismayed. And annoyed. But even that was ok. He meant well. And that’s all that counts.

      The way, particularly in the UK, looking after children, a family, is made out to be a “chore”/martyrdom, is way out of order. We can’t have it all ways. And I’d strongly recommend that women who can’t face looking after their children full time should reconsider whether they should have them. Men are providers. It’s hard wired. I can see it even in the Angel (and he is only 21, well, nearly 22). Hunt the bacon. Let someone else do the washing up.

      There is a sequel to this. But it’ll do for now.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — August 5, 2013 @ 13:37 | Reply

  3. You take a very hard line on male/female gender roles! Having such a sharp division of labour may have worked fine for you but I think every couple/family is different and some couples may find it absolutely natural to do more role-sharing or even for the man and woman to swap the traditional functions. I don’t think people are as hard-wired as you maintain, they are much more flexible and variable than that.

    And let’s not venture into the even more unpredictable arena of gay relationships!

    Comment by nick — August 6, 2013 @ 13:27 | Reply

    • Yes, Nick, I do take a hard line on gender roles. With good reason. You know when I hear the word “role-sharing” it makes me want to puke. What bloody ‘role’? There is nothing to be “swapped”. Women feed, men build a tree house. Though one of my sisters who always knows best will not only feed but build the tree house too. Probably leaving the father of four of her five children cooking dinner. Which he does very well. And he loves her far too much to point out small technical errors and where the tree house might fail at inception. Instead of which she’ll get all the glory whilst he quietly puts a nail in to prevent the kids from spending hours in Accident and Emergency.

      Sounds harsh? No, not really. I come from a huge family and have watched relationships in motion. And you are right: Each has its own dynamic. However there are immutable rules.

      You mention ‘gay’. Now that’s where I am on unfamiliar territory. I don’t know about Lesbians because I don’t know any Lesbians. They give me a wide berth. I know why. No secret there.

      Two men romantically involved? How do they do it? One soupcon of testosterone good. Great. Two in the cocktail? Overkill. But then, as they say, it takes a man to ………………………………………

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — August 6, 2013 @ 15:04 | Reply


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