Bitch on the Blog

October 10, 2013

Tall tails

Filed under: Amusement,Vicious — bitchontheblog @ 18:06
Tags: , , , ,

I come from a long line of honest fishermen.

I do not wish to single out one animal in particular yet bulls (by virtue of their size) do produce a lot of shit. As do horses. And bloggers.

Rule number one: Try to be consistent. Otherwise you will be found out as the lying bastard you are.

Rule number two: Don’t embellish. That catfish you caught was full of grit and half your size.

Rule number three: Don’t balloon. You may burst. No one likes other people’s shit on their face.

Rule number four: Do not outwit yourself. You’ll never catch up.

Rule number five: Hold on to your skeleton. It might come useful one day. If only to put flesh on it.

Rule number six: Always start at the end. That way you know you’ll finish.

Rule number seven: If you need to bore bore deep.

Hugs and kisses,

U

Advertisements

15 Comments »

  1. Rule #8 – Living in everlasting sunshine and happy-ever-afters bores the piss out of me.

    XO
    WWW

    Comment by wisewebwoman — October 10, 2013 @ 18:57 | Reply

    • Luckily my boredom threshold is high, WWW. There is a song somewhere in your prose, set to “give me sunshine, make me happy”. If that’s Frank Sinatra my apologies.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 11, 2013 @ 12:51 | Reply

  2. for someone who has no rules . . . . . there seem to be one or two here, as far as I can tell.
    Dispensing rules is fine?
    Still confused.

    Rule no. 9

    make up/do not make up rules, please yourself. As for following those of others? you must be having me on.

    (I’m enjoying this)

    regards
    U alias Friko

    Comment by friko — October 10, 2013 @ 22:18 | Reply

    • Well, Friko, you have sussed me out, that’s for sure. No rules for me. However, in line with WWW, one needs to take A if not THEeeeeeeee piss sometimes.

      I can rule with the best of some of my fellow bloggers: I marvel at what some people stipulate. And I am sorry to say, which doesn’t make it less true: There are bloggers so full of shit you can’t help but wish you were in the sewer business. With a cloth peg on your nose. And a megaphone. In case you get lost. In the maze.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 11, 2013 @ 12:59 | Reply

  3. Yes Mam Boss aka Friko. Will do.

    Comment by Rummuser — October 11, 2013 @ 01:36 | Reply

  4. Rules are like advice and mine is “Never listen to anyone else’s”

    Comment by magpie11 — October 11, 2013 @ 10:01 | Reply

    • Rules are one thing. You may end up in detention if you make make it blatantly obvious that you are trying to circumnavigate them.

      Advice is another: I love advice. One of the few things in life easier to receive than to give. Whether one follows it: Well, that’s entirely up to us. Sometimes I wish I had, sometimes I wish I hadn’t.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 11, 2013 @ 13:03 | Reply

  5. But Ursula, this is the internet age, the mother of all masquerade balls. It brings the idea of reinventing oneself to a completely new level. Now pardon me while I go ask my magic mirror, who’s the fairest, smartest, in the land…

    Comment by Phil — October 12, 2013 @ 05:25 | Reply

    • Phil, big sigh – trust YOU to breathe a little romance into a ball. See you in Venice. Unless, of course, your gondola sinks first. And don’t drop that mirror … Forget about seven years of bad luck. That’s just superstition. Worse … you’ll look disjointed.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 12, 2013 @ 10:45 | Reply

  6. Inconsistency doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a lying bastard. It usually means you’ve totally forgotten what you said on the same subject yesterday. Or you can see things from different viewpoints. Or you’ve fudged your usual opinion to avoid offending someone. Lying bastards usually take great care to keep their lies consistent and avoid being caught out. As I told you the other day, I’ve met the Queen at least six times. And the Pope at least fifteen times.

    Comment by nick — October 14, 2013 @ 11:34 | Reply

    • Ok, then. Forget ‘lying bastard’. Slime Ball might fit your interpretation(s) better. Think Uriah Heep in ‘Great Expectations” (Charles Dickens).

      “Seeing things from different viewpoints” doesn’t make you inconsistent. After all, few things are cast in stone.

      The one of your examples I do take exception to, as you would expect of me, is: Fudging my ‘usual opinion to avoid offending someone.’ To me ‘fudging’ is the height of being insincere though, of course, one can tone it down a bit, smooth the edges whilst still being true to oneself. May I say, and this is not a criticism just an observation, that I do find you occasionally tailoring your response to your commentators – not exactly hanging your flag into the wind; but most certainly not wishing to ‘offend’ even at the risk of contradicting your original point. You don’t do it with me (and one or two of your other commentators) since you clearly know that it wouldn’t wash. Only resulting in a loss of respect.

      As to lying – and I will take this up in a separate post – there are many shades between black and white. It’ll take a bit more thought than my usual just flinging myself on the page, spur of moment.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 14, 2013 @ 12:33 | Reply

  7. “I come from a long line of honest fishermen.” U, are there dishonest fishermen? Would they admit it if they were? 😉

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — October 14, 2013 @ 19:16 | Reply

    • I don’t know, Lorna. My grandfather insisted on photographic evidence being taken. A bit like Putin the other day. Mind you, in fairness to my grandfather and uncles, they went angling before Photoshop was invented.

      As an aside: My my my my, doesn’t a big fish (was it a pike?) make a man look good? My perception of Putin changed beyond the savoury. Normally I prefer men with hair.

      U

      Comment by Ursula — October 15, 2013 @ 12:47 | Reply

  8. You enjoy being a tad
    facetious but I like this posting.

    Hey, hugs and kisses to you too.

    Andro xxxx

    Comment by Gray Dawster — October 22, 2013 @ 09:02 | Reply


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: