Bitch on the Blog

October 21, 2013


Filed under: Amusement — bitchontheblog @ 19:12
Tags: ,

How difficult can it be?

When I left the hospital 36 hours after the Angel and I decided to part for the first time (his birth) I was declared a natural by all midwives who had attended to us and observed subsequent latching on.

FOS (Father of Son) bd and pd (before and post divorce) was so satisfied with my mothering skills he declared he’d not only take my lead in matters parental but leave it all to me. Which was good. And no doubt resulted in the laid back, balanced and emotionally astute human being this twenty two year old is, and always has been.

However, whilst the Angel will put the lid down on the loo, wash his hands after, and before putting food in his mouth, makes sure the front door is locked if he is the last one in, turns off all lights and generally makes sure that I am alright, I have failed him miserably. He has a toilet roll bypass. I occasionally – though not yet forcefully – have mentioned that it is a matter of courtesy to replenish tissue when you have used the last. This has not filtered through. Bear in mind: The Angel is one of the most observant people ever. He is one of those people who watch a film and tell you that, in the same scene, one minute the clock showed it’s high noon, the next it’s ten past three. So where did I go wrong with the empty toilet roll?

Whatever you say in reply please do let me down gently.



  1. This is a common trait amongst twenty somethings but it doesn’t reflect upon you, oh no, in fact I see this as a learning curve. How do you mean how can it be a learning curve? Well it is rather simplistic Ursula, just join the club, and after just one entrance by the Angel, having not noticed the loo roll still absent, he will think twice about doing it again. After all, if he wishes to avoid the ineviable, then he will have to face the embarrassment of having to ask you for a fresh supply, hence the immediate cure and solution to your dilemma. Well in theory anyway, it isn’t a failsafe plan by any means but worth a punt for sure.

    Be good tonight or else?

    Andro xxxx

    Comment by Gray Dawster — October 21, 2013 @ 19:33 | Reply

    • No, no, no, Andro – there is a time line here you missed. In all biological/physiological probability he uses up the last and I’ll be the next (in need). Since I am even more observant than the Angel (even when brushing my teeth I can see what’s missing from the corner of my eye) I never go without. Roll now, wipe later – my motto. If my father were already in his grave he’d now roll over, and his eyes. Alas he is not.

      It has, you are right, happened that he shouted for fresh supply. However, there is no ’embarrassment’ as you call it. Not in this household. In fact there is only that creepy moment when a hand wraps itself round the bathroom door whipping my offering out of my hand before slamming the door shut. I ask you. Once upon a time I changed his nappies.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 21, 2013 @ 21:19 | Reply

      • Yes I like the no embarrassment scenario, and that is how it should be (and better for all those skinny dipping parties in the summer) I applaud your awesomeness.

        I wonder if the Angel will ever grow out of this non replenishment of the said toilet rolls, or will it be something that is carried forward for generations to come? Now that will be interesting to follow up on, but for the now I hope that your Angel’s annoying habits will change and the sooner the better.

        Have a lovely start to your Tuesday my dear Ursula…

        Andro xxxx

        Comment by Gray Dawster — October 22, 2013 @ 08:23 | Reply

        • Of course from the top, some of us over here in the UK have good standards in toilet training, but you are correct, even here the debate is strong on which way the toilet paper is applied to the roller. I think it is an enigma that offers everyone a topic to ponder, but surely everyone should know how to add a roll of toilet paper, but alas they don’t.

          Enjoy your day Shackman.

          Comment by Gray Dawster — October 22, 2013 @ 08:33 | Reply

  2. Perhaps even more crucial to the discussion – does he make – when he does replace the TP – it pull from over or under the roll? Perhaps you Europeans are more sensible in this matter than we yanks – but over here that discussion sets of many a boisterous debate. It does not – like the toilet seat issue – split evenly by sexes though.

    Comment by shackman — October 21, 2013 @ 20:01 | Reply

    • Toilet seat issue has never been one with the Angel. He is evangelical about it. All sarcasm on his friends who bloody do not put the seat and cover down totally lost. They do not get it. Gives me a clue when – at three in the morning – I use the facilities: If it’s up I know that at least one of the Angel’s friends is staying overnight.

      There is no question which way to roll, Shackman. On top. That’s it. And whatever you do don’t let a kitten loose in the bathroom.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 21, 2013 @ 21:08 | Reply

      • don’t let a kitten loose in the bathroom.

        Truer words have never been spoken! And I’m in the over the top group myself

        Comment by shackman — October 22, 2013 @ 14:59 | Reply

  3. Perhaps he sees replacing the toilet roll as “housework” and therefore something he shouldn’t be doing?

    I agree with Gray, don’t replace it and wait for him to realise the acute inconvenience of not having any toilet paper to hand.

    Comment by nick — October 21, 2013 @ 20:42 | Reply

    • I don’t know, Nick. The Angel is not stupid. He knows how to humour his mother. Mothers like to be needed. Even on something as measly as the above example. How I shall miss it all one day.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 21, 2013 @ 21:30 | Reply

    • Thank you Nick, it would seem the perfect solution but I know how dear Ursula loves to pamper the Angel, it is an annoying habit he has but like Ursula has already mentioned, without the missing loo roll every time she wants some, then the Angel will have sprouted even larger wings and flown the nest. Not something that is wanted yet, but oh how wonderful it would be to always have a fully stocked toilet roll holder.

      Have a good one today Nick.


      Comment by Gray Dawster — October 22, 2013 @ 08:37 | Reply

  4. You could try keeping your own toilet paper with you. This is an important habit for westerners as they travel to much of the world.

    Comment by Looney — October 21, 2013 @ 23:49 | Reply

  5. ROTFL!

    Comment by Rummuser — October 22, 2013 @ 01:20 | Reply

  6. Um……. Perhaps the problem lies in the fiddly little spring loaded axle that one has to (re)place the roll onto? Here we have a system…. as suggested refuse to replace roll but make sure that replacements are available in the “Throne Room”….. Am currently collecting inner tubes to grow sweetpeas in ready for planting out in spring….

    Comment by magpie11 — October 22, 2013 @ 13:08 | Reply

    • Magpie, you got it in one. It’s that bloody springy thingy which seems to put people off. Instead they will put the loo roll behind them on the cistern, closely followed by cries for help when the damn thing has dropped into the toilet … dripping. I tell you: I never knew how much fun one can have with toilet paper. Other than that ghastly birthday party game when you were partnered up with someone who didn’t know how to mummify you.

      What kindred spirits we are: When I still had a garden I too used to use inner tubes for sweetpeas, beans and all sorts. Which reminds me: You once promised me a cabbage.


      Comment by Ursula — October 22, 2013 @ 13:42 | Reply

      • Have a tray of toilet roll inners tbes ready for the sweetpeas….planting tomprrow provided that tehre is some glass/sand paper left in the workshop…. packet of broadbeans ready to plant as well…

        There’s a row of savoys waiting to be harvested….. no promised about extra protein though…

        Comment by magpie11 — November 9, 2013 @ 11:57 | Reply

  7. Aw go on, allow him one little failing. You don’t really want perfect, do you? That’d be boring.

    Comment by friko — October 22, 2013 @ 16:10 | Reply

    • Ursula, I allow him any failing. No joke. He is THAT perfect. Not that he always took me seriously on that score. Never shall I forget the day he came home from school – he was very young – showing me a piece of artwork, thoroughly displeased with himself, declaring it a piece of shit. I (honestly) thought it good. Wish I’d kept my mouth shut. Rarely have I been dismissed with more disdain: “You would say that, Mama, wouldn’t you. After all, you ARE my mother.” Bloody hell.

      Mind you, and I have related it on this blog before: I made him see the light. Shortly after he came home with some writing. He is a great writer/poet/lyricist. But that piece wasn’t good. And I said so. Oh dear, tears were spilled. My cool as a cucumber response: “I may be your mother but …”. Ever since he trusts my judgment implicitly – even if he doesn’t agree with it.


      Comment by Ursula — October 22, 2013 @ 16:41 | Reply

  8. U, it’s not a failing of either of you. He rarely uses the TP. A bit of a shake and he’s set to tuck and zip up, unlike us. Would you expect a vegan to notice when you’re out of butter? 😉

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — October 28, 2013 @ 14:04 | Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: