Bitch on the Blog

November 13, 2013

Stick to your guns

Filed under: Amusement — bitchontheblog @ 15:27
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I now know at least two people who keep bleating (not at me, just generally): “Whatever works for you”. It’s a sort of swiping at a pesky fly type statement. Which has set me thinking about curiosity. I know it kills cats. Eventually. Humans won’t admit to it. I am the type of person who does not snoop. Not because I am a saint but because I have my pride. And there are levels I will not stoop to. My son leaves his various journals and notebooks flying around the place in the safe knowledge that I wouldn’t dream looking at anything he doesn’t show me voluntarily. Has there ever been paid a greater compliment? No. My poor father still remembers (had no idea until he told me recently) that it shook him to the core how incensed I was when he opened a telegram addressed to me. I was in my early twenties – briefly staying with my parents. My mother did the same once with a letter from my sister addressed to me. Her feeble (and she is a lovely woman) excuse that the letter was addressed to her (we both have the same first name and – at the time – shared the same surname). So fair do.

Where was I? Curiosity. As you know: Once upon a time I was wooed by a gay man. Not in a sexual way since – what do you know – I am not a man, but in a romantic way. God didn’t we love each other. Him being the front loader. Myself slightly mystified in the beginning but – and with most my friends being male – eventually falling hook line and sinker for him. Three years later he called it off. Just like that. Took me another three years to get over it. Yes, I know I am slow. Or maybe not used to be shown the door. Mind you, there must have been something in the water in 1961 because one of my sisters is the same: UNFORGIVING. It’s quite fantastic HOW UNforgiving some people are. They are incapable – as we say in the mother lingo – to jump across their own shadow. They rather chew on their vomit.

I am now pumping up volume since I have been reliably informed that blogs (like mine) shorter than 1500 words are not worth reading. Bloody hell. I have only just arrived at 387. Who in their right mind, and unless they are Lorna, Charles, John or Tom (links on request), thinks they can hold a passing flyby their blog with essay lengths of sometimes stupefying content? Not that I don’t admire EGOs the size of ostrich eggs. What I don’t like if an Ostrich tells my Quail I should lay large eggs to justify my existence.

Yes, back to GG and curiosity. Since I do not wish to become a stalker through the back door I have not visited his blog for I don’t know, say, a year. Do you actually know how much will power it takes to stifle a primal (as the Angel would call it) instinct? Obviously not a lot in my case. Sure, I am dying to know how he is but I know masochism when I see it. Not my game. I suppose I could phone his mother. Don’t worry. I won’t. There comes a time when we need to know when to let it rest. I am not good at resting. But learning.

Word count 571. Please don’t bother (see above). Unlike the L’Oreal advert I am not worth it. So please do go and waste your time on something far longer and proof read. Not this shit spur of the moment stuff (without visual content).

Water cooler hugs and kisses,

U

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13 Comments »

  1. Why – pray tell – must a blog contain 1500 words or more to be worth reading? Must all bloggers be armed with such overly verbose notions that they must say in 200 words what could be succinctly said in half that? Yikes. Sometimes the Cliff’s Notes version is best.

    Curiosity. Interesting notion. I’m on your side usually on this one but there are times when that simply isn’t possible for me. I’ve been lied to too many times about a few things – especially when it comes to my teenage granddaughters, currently residing here in stately Shackman Manor.

    Comment by shackman — November 13, 2013 @ 22:05 | Reply

    • Why? Shackman, I don’t know. Some people are prescriptive. In this case an elephant telling a mole to pile it on. The writer is accomplished – no doubt. Otherwise I wouldn’t read her. Yet, I do find it tiresome when people tell me how to go about my business. Which is NOT the same as saying that I don’t take valid advice at board. Not at all. But, not all of us are novelists. Some are short story tellers. Some are one liners. And, sadly, some of us having nothing much to say.

      As to your granddaughters: I empathize with you. Once trust has been betrayed you are on a slippery slope trying to retrieve it. Which is why I, generally, advise people not to lie to me. Unless the lie is so white it’s see through. Someone lied to me many years ago – what aggrieved me wasn’t what was lied about but the fact they thought the lying necessary, and me stupid. Reminds me of one of my sisters. She had mixed some of my mother’s red lipstick with Nivea cream and smeared it all over her face. She must have been about four. When my mother asked her what that was on her face my sister denied all. Which, naturally, made my mother angry since the evidence was literally staring all of us into the face. It was one those seminal moments of my life. I could not believe what I was witnessing there. It was sad. Didn’t make sense. Fast forward a few years: My sister has since wizened up and is a most accomplished
      liar, covering her tracks. Not with me though. I can smell lies miles off.And if the worst comes to the worst I will plie you with Whiskey or whatever else your poison. Works wonders. In vino veritas. Or some such.

      U

      Comment by Ursula — November 15, 2013 @ 13:19 | Reply

  2. I learned a new acronym PFFTI. I originally thought that it was sms lingo for a sound of derision. It turned out that it is actually Please Feel Free To Ignore. So PFFTI all suggestions about the length of a blog post. If that is to be a criteria, mine will not qualify to be on the internet at all.

    Comment by rummuser — November 14, 2013 @ 00:36 | Reply

    • I am not a great fan of acronyms, Ramana. Mainly because my brain is so overloaded it’s easier to compute all info when spelled out to me in longhand. However, PFFTI is darling – and will from now on be liberally sprinkled all over the place.

      U

      Comment by Ursula — November 15, 2013 @ 13:21 | Reply

  3. I never write more than 400 words in a blog post, I think that’s quite enough to take in, especially if you’re trawling loads of other blogs. When I come across an essay-length post, I tend to either skim it or ignore it. Life is too short. Brevity, people, brevity!

    I’m an intensely curious person but like you it doesn’t extend to snooping or stalking. I like to ask searching questions but if the other person doesn’t want to answer, so be it. Their privacy is more important than my curiosity.

    Comment by nick — November 14, 2013 @ 11:38 | Reply

    • Nick, I have never counted your words. Not more than 400? That’s good. You do seem wordy. In an abbreviated way.

      You say “their privacy is more important than my curiosity”. I wish my youngest sister would take your sentiment on board. She refuses to talk to me till I tell her all ALL ALL (if that sounds like a threat she is like that) about my life. I don’t know how to comply. If I wanted to. There is nothing to tell. Maybe I should invite her over and let her open all my cupboards. No doubt she’ll hold it against me when she won’t find any skeletons.

      U

      Comment by Ursula — November 15, 2013 @ 13:24 | Reply

      • Wordy in an abbreviated way. Very good. And I think I know what you mean!

        Comment by nick — November 15, 2013 @ 17:46 | Reply

  4. Mm! Lucky son I say……. I trusted my mother, foolishly, and only found out that she read everything when she opined that …well… she gave the game away…

    Ursula….. It’s your blog…write what you want and a s much or as little as you want…. Problem with very long posts is that they take so long to read for the second time after the first scan …….

    Comment by magpie11 — November 14, 2013 @ 15:05 | Reply

    • Yes, David, my son is lucky. As am I. We have a code of honour between us. Much love and deep seated respect. Where others have no qualms to tread he and I will not even butterfly. Yet, both of us – possibly – know more about each other than anyone else. Information given freely – entirely voluntarily. Though, of course, as his mother, my responsibility to not load him with “too much information”. There are limits. No need to burden one’s child – indeed, bore one’s child.

      U

      Comment by Ursula — November 15, 2013 @ 13:26 | Reply

  5. Word length? Piffle. It’s harder to write shorter. Ask a tabloid headline writer. (Well, a good one anyway.)

    Spur of the moment? Cool. Can equal passion.

    “Visual content”? have to say – I like it. Nick at http://nickhereandnow.blogspot.co.uk/ has a good approach. Each time a single pic. I’m less disciplined.

    Reading other people post by accident? Grrr! Having both parents with the same first initial (and surname) as me offered too many excuses for – rip, oops, I didn’t realise… I promised myself that any children I had would have different initials from everyone else in the family. And that’s what’s happened.

    Comment by blackwatertown — November 15, 2013 @ 10:10 | Reply

    • Yes, Paul, indeed. Brevity, brevity, brevity. It used to be the first lesson beaten into any aspiring journalist. Good effort. Now shorten. And shorten again. And again. Which is – on a side note – why I don’t understand the demise (so I am told) of the short story. To embellish is easy. To tighten? Well, insert tiny snort, that takes another mile.

      You are perceptive, Paul. “Spur of the moment. Cool. Can equal passion”. Indeed.

      To be fair to the author/blogger in question: She is excellent at what she does. Yet, the more I read her, the more she sounds like one of those rather irritating converted. You know the smoker who has given up, the enjoyer of drink who has taken to Diet Coke, the vegetable which has given up on meat? Zealous. If I want a prescription I go to my doctor. Says she who is highly critical of other people’s writing. But then you can’t edit the editor out of the editor. It pains me to take the U out of humour when addressing an American audience.

      Good to have you back on the scene, Paul. Shall now go and check out your, today’s, LENGTHY offering.

      U

      Comment by Ursula — November 15, 2013 @ 13:28 | Reply

      • I know – I fail my own test on length. (Too long. Ahem.)

        You just reminded me of college tutor whose catchphrase when it came to writing was “Tighter! Tighter!” A good guy called John Foscolo.

        Comment by blackwatertown — November 15, 2013 @ 14:33 | Reply

        • Googled Foscolo (Press Gazette 2003). Got yourself quite a tutor there, Paul. Am always touched when a teacher is fondly (and gratefully) remembered by his students and, importantly, being paid the respect an inspiring mentor deserves.

          U

          Comment by Ursula — November 16, 2013 @ 12:45 | Reply


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