Bitch on the Blog

November 16, 2013


Filed under: Nature — bitchontheblog @ 22:00
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If (through no fault of your own stupidity) you came face to face with, were chased, mauled, torn apart and eaten by a wild animal which one species would you prefer to finish you off?

Please don’t say ‘a mouse’ – unless you are a piece of cheese.




  1. My current preferred termination is by a Great White, since I am into swimming. It is a glorious way to end, and generally you are left with a memorial at a very scenic point where plenty of visitors come to pay their respects. Before that I was into trail running, so a Cougar was the most honorable last run, especially as your obituary would fill the papers for days. When I was young, the sport was bicycling, so the wild animal I pondered being eaten by most was a car or a lorrie.

    Comment by Looney — November 16, 2013 @ 22:08 | Reply

    • From the moment I met you I had you down as methodical, logical and generally at peace with whatever fate holds in store for you. Lucky you, Looney. I’d rather drown than be eaten by a Great White. Meeting a puma slightly more appealing to me. And don’t mention bicycling to me. Every time the Angel makes noises to have his totally defunct rather attractive bike repaired to cycle to work (instead of walking) my (inner) mother goes into spasms of anguish. There is no contest between a brain, bones and tonnes of metal flying at you.

      With you in the shiver of a swim,


      Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 10:35 | Reply

  2. An Ursulus Estrangeris. They don’t come wilder or more barking mad than that.

    Comment by TomGowans — November 16, 2013 @ 22:11 | Reply

    • I’d have thought you’d prefer an Ursa.


      Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 10:36 | Reply

  3. A completely uncoscionable thought…….. if only because my imagination will not stretch that far. If I have nightmares tonoght I shall balme you…… I think.

    Comment by magpie11 — November 17, 2013 @ 00:41 | Reply

    • I wrote the snippet looking at the photo of two of the most adorable lions. Cats are such beauties, such grace, such calm; their paws and jaws (and speed) not withstanding.


      Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 10:40 | Reply

      • In spite of being a “Leo”….. not a cat….certainly not one that plays with its prey.

        Comment by magpie11 — November 20, 2013 @ 20:06 | Reply

  4. No question about it. man of course.

    Comment by Ramana Rajgopaul (@rummuser) — November 17, 2013 @ 01:17 | Reply

    • You have me, not for the first time, baffled: “Man”. Any hidden meaning?

      The last person I’d like to be mauled and digested by is a fellow human being. Even if it were a man. The only exception being John. The man has a heart the size of I don’t know – huge. Which, is why, no doubt, he does attend weight watchers in his battle to fit into his trousers. Yes, I have given John explicit permission to eat me should we run out of food stranded in a boat in some god forsaken ocean. As diets go he won’t put on weight.


      Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 10:46 | Reply

  5. A Bare Female I think… Oh, sorry, I mean a
    Bear and Female. It would be incredibly quick.

    Have a marvellous rest of weekend Ursula.

    Andro xxxx

    Comment by Gray Dawster — November 17, 2013 @ 13:08 | Reply

    • Yes, Andro, a bare female – what like one of those – can’t think of one this minute other than a greyhound – which have no fur. Must be a cold experience for them.

      So, yes, I think what with all the fur you’d be at least warm in the embrace of a bear. For a minute. Till you are dead meat. I am very fond of bears (not just for the obvious reasons) yet they do lack grace. With the exception of Baloo in Disney’s Jungle Book. Wasn’t that dance with the ape just ace?

      Other than that am bogged down by the bare necessities of life. Where is a parapet when you need to put your head above it?

      Wednesday greetings,

      Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 10:51 | Reply

  6. Oh, doctor please….some more of these. Finished by a Rolling Stones tune.

    Comment by John — November 17, 2013 @ 16:21 | Reply

    • Seriously – Tibetan Sky Burial –

      Comment by John — November 18, 2013 @ 12:54 | Reply

      • Gosh, John. That’s fantastic. Can’t thank you enough for bringing this to my attention not least because I am an avid recycler.

        I agree with the narrator: There is romance and poetry in your remains to be up there in the sky (till you come down to earth again as bird droppings). Whether my son prefers me to be eaten by worms or cut up into tiny pieces before my soaring the sky remains to be seen (fortunately not by me).

        Great stuff.

        Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 11:18 | Reply

  7. Still no replies I see, ah well never mind have some
    of my chocolates Ursula, the soft centres are all yours.

    Andro xxxx

    Comment by Gray Dawster — November 18, 2013 @ 10:02 | Reply

    • Thank you, Gray. Make mine a truffle. Alas, since I wrote last, fate has not so much mauled me but stung. I am not in anaphylactic shock – yet. Give it time. Will answer asap.


      Comment by Ursula — November 18, 2013 @ 10:40 | Reply

      • I am incredibly patient so no problem, I will sit back and await your instructions, I mean feedback. Now relax and enjoy the remainder of your day, hopefully with something wicked happening later on. Wicked as in exquisitely nice.

        Andro xxxx

        Comment by Gray Dawster — November 18, 2013 @ 16:06 | Reply

        • You could do my washing up. Marigolds supplied. You want feedback? You’ll have feedback should you leave any smears.

          If only your good wishes would have the damn grace to take root. I’d be sitting in a jungle by now. No doubt, see above, dancing the hula.


          Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 10:58 | Reply

  8. I’m with Looney as long as it’s a big enough great white to finish the deed in a single chomp – I do not relish the thought of being nibbled away

    Comment by shackman — November 18, 2013 @ 19:00 | Reply

    • I don’t know why – maybe my innate (make that inane) suspicion of water and it being wet – I’d prefer to be devoured on dry land.


      Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 11:00 | Reply

  9. And this is why I chose not to go on nature adventures…or even watch those nature programs. Fresh air is over-rated.

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — November 18, 2013 @ 19:56 | Reply

    • “Fresh air is overrated”? Do you sleep with your windows closed?

      Take heart, Lorna, with a life like yours who needs to watch nature adventures, never mind going on them. However, just because you have made it so far (orthodontics included) do not count yourself safe from a stampede by the Wildebeest.


      Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 11:03 | Reply

      • I agree. I keep looking on E-bay for a cloak of invisibility or protection. So far, I’ve only found a really nice wool coat, circa 1940s. I think I might win the bid…

        Comment by Lorna's Voice — November 20, 2013 @ 21:29 | Reply

  10. Well, it would have to be something that devoured me cleanly in one fell swoop rather than savouring me all day and drawing out the agony. Not sure which animal would qualify. Not a shark as they have a tendency to rip off the juiciest bits and leave the rest behind. Hmm, I’ll have to do some research….

    Comment by nick — November 19, 2013 @ 12:39 | Reply

    • A rhinoceros? A hippo? Anything with a bit of weight behind it? Not tearing you apart, just leaving you behind like a grape, eventually drying into a raisin.


      Comment by Ursula — November 20, 2013 @ 11:06 | Reply

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