Bitch on the Blog

June 9, 2014


Filed under: Health,Human condition — bitchontheblog @ 06:26
Tags: , ,

Should you be a hypochondriac (by default) don’t feel discouraged to answer my question:

How much thought do you give to your body – and its function(s)?

There is that school of thought that your body is your temple. It isn’t. It’s a sewer. Ask your liver, your kidneys, your bladder. Neither am I surprised that the colon is as long as it is. In fact, the colon, both parts of it, is the perfect symbol for anyone who procrastinates: Why take a short cut when you can make it long? Heart being the motor – goes without saying we should listen to it.

Then there are minor players. I dread the day my oesophagus will play up. I have a special relationship with my oesophagus. So far so good. There is a group photograph (taken in the summer of 1990 – my brother’s wedding, and yes, thanks for asking, close to their 25th wedding anniversary he has just fled a most accommodating nest). On that photograph – three tiers – my father’s longest standing friend is on the right, I am on the furthest left. LSF died not long afterwards. Cancer of the oesophagus. Just like that. Young(ish). Anyway, yes, I know my punchlines often take their time coming (see colon above). When I saw that photo I thought to myself: I’ll be next. To die that is. From whatever cause. What I find mildly disconcerting that I might be right. No one else of those others, I don’t know, say thirty people has yet bitten the dust.

Pen your obituaries now. And forget everything I ever said. Then there are the side players. Who ever gives any thought to their pancreas? Or their gall bladder? Beware the gall bladder. And pancreas will takes its revenge when you are otherwise occupied.

What I don’t get, though they are sweet in their own way, are the expendables: Appendix (I still have mine), and what’s it called in English, have forgotten now, ‘Milz’, the one that makes new blood cells. Not to forget tonsils. My tonsils are awesome. When they swell they swell. And they do swell. Once a year. For three days. Luckily my mother – despite the fashion of the day – had presence of mind to NOT allow my tonsils to be removed. My mother is a mild person – but when she puts her foot down she puts her foot down. Same here. My son has got his tonsils. Live with them.

All of the above neatly bringing us to skin. Skin is awesome. Skin are the bricks to hold the construction together. And your innards out of sight. Can you imagine the view you’d have of yourself without skin? Don’t. Unless you are a forensic pathologist.

Before I sign off I’ll bow to bones. The skeleton which gives us shape, keeps us upright and rarely makes itself known. To me that is.

My god! Dearest Brain. Please forgive me. Think of the old adage: LAST but not least! What would I do without you? Become a piece of vegetable in someone’s Ratatouille. That’s what.




  1. Increasingly very little. I am coming to the stage where I need to increase my awareness that I am not the body. I am the subject. The body, mind and intellect are all objects. Subject and Object cannot be the same.

    Comment by rummuser — June 9, 2014 @ 06:44 | Reply

    • I don’t agree, Ramana. You may not BE the body. But what would we be WITHOUT the body? Nothing. Dead most likely. Sorry to say:: Your “subject”, “objects” are semantics. Clever semantics. But semantics. nevertheless. Mist and fog on what is a clear horizon.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 9, 2014 @ 07:03 | Reply

      • Ramana..subject = object? What about self flagellation?

        Comment by magpie11 — June 9, 2014 @ 10:56 | Reply

        • Actually the subject simply observes the mind intellect complex which is the object command and flagellate the body which is also the object.

          Comment by rummuser — June 10, 2014 @ 13:51 | Reply

      • The You that you are talking about is simply the observer of the body mind intellect complex.

        Comment by rummuser — June 10, 2014 @ 13:52 | Reply

  2. Good grief! What brought that on?

    Comment by friko — June 9, 2014 @ 10:58 | Reply

    • “What brought that on”? Nothing in particular, Friko. You know, the usual cocktail: Light my fire, a dash of Weltschmerz, remembering the forests of the motherland, carefully putting some yeast into my brand of the grotesque and bingo. Dough is rising. Everyone is alarmed. The only one smiling at myself is yours truly.

      As long as I think I am clever, witty and basically a pain the world is how it should be.

      Other than that my youngest sister wins first prize (which, by rights, she should share with our father she doesn’t talk to any longer, neither does he to her – so that’s a nil nil victory or an Eigentor on both sides) the world is fine.

      I tell you, Friko, if I weren’t me I sometimes don’t know how I’d survive all that shit people fling around hitting each others’ various fans. As it is I seem to be waterproof. Lost count now on all the good fairies around my cradle. Whoever those fairies are: Thanks. Don’t forget to top up my good fortunes. Thanks again.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 9, 2014 @ 11:38 | Reply

  3. milz+ spleen….. that which It is always interesting when you vent it!

    I suggest that your current post be comulsory reading for all students of anatomy.

    Pondering upon that what you wrote (my goodness whre did that come from?) Ponderithat which you have written it occurs to me that, minor players and expendables included, the sum is indeed greater than the parts. I include your brain in that as well. If it were not so then we would not be blessed with Ursula.

    Case closed.

    Comment by magpie11 — June 9, 2014 @ 11:04 | Reply

    • Yes, spleen. Thank you, Magpie, My mind does draw the odd blank. A few people I know have lost their spleen. In the case of one of my nephews it wasn’t funny. Not for him, not for his poor mother. I don’t know how often his baby blood was replaced but it seemed never ending. Now he is a strapping young man, bigger than his siblings.

      I am a very healthy specimen. Always have been. Which shouldn’t cradle me in false sense of security. But it does. I just flirt will ill health. In hope it won’t take me up on empty promises.

      I can’t tell you, Magpie, how often I wish I could just chuck all my innards (and my skin) into the washing machine, polish the lot and forget all about it. No bull. If you think about it – and please don’t – it’s quite extraordinary what we carry around on our two feet with little contact to our organs’ intricacies.

      Sometimes I think my body doesn’t realize I exist. When is the last time I had a headache? Ca 1975? I am not particularly superstitious but have just touched wood in case body decides to teach me a lesson by giving me the mother of all toothaches (tonight – or failing that next Saturday afternoon when all dentists have gone home).

      Thanks for the compliment. Sometimes we are blessed by being cursed.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 9, 2014 @ 11:49 | Reply

  4. Oh!: The expendables (reminds me a film title: They Were Expendable.) I have a feeling that they wee left in ssitu so that scientists could indulge in specualtion about evolution and the like.

    Comment by magpie11 — June 9, 2014 @ 11:12 | Reply

    • Yes, I remember that title. Awful title. Not as awful as the film’s content but depressing nevertheless. I imagine that’s what potato peel must feel like: Expendable. Only the lucky ending up in a compost bin.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 9, 2014 @ 11:52 | Reply

      • Not my potato peels – they end up covered with salt, pepper and garlic and mixed in with the onions that are fried with the potatoes in extra-virgin olive oil.>

        Comment by shackman — June 9, 2014 @ 12:04 | Reply

  5. Well – you’ve stumped me. Not sure how to respond so perhaps I’ll just ponder a bit and return later. Or not. But I am not a hypochondriac – of that I am certain 🙂

    Comment by shackman — June 9, 2014 @ 12:06 | Reply

    • Do return. You’ll bring the peel. Salt, pepper, garlic, onions and extra-virgin olive oil in plenty of supply.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 9, 2014 @ 12:17 | Reply

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