Bitch on the Blog

July 24, 2014

Oh to be a chef

Filed under: Food — bitchontheblog @ 07:51

That’s it, Sweethearts. A career change on the horizon. I have finally found my destination. Or is it destiny?

Yes, I will become a “taster”. For no lesser man than Putin. If he’ll have me. And he will.

For those of you who slept through your history lessons: A ‘taster’ tastes food before – paranoid for good reason – king, queen and other heads of either state or country put morsels into their mouths. Just in case. So if your taster keels over you’ll go hungry. As careers go you can’t beat it. Talk about third party liability insurance. Bumping up the premium.

Naturally, the whole idea is flawed. Even I, and I am not a chemist, could poison someone with several hours’ delay. Only arsenic and a mushroom I shan’t mention will make you die on the spot. My reasoning I hope will remind you, me and Putin that there are no guarantees in life.

Other than that I have gone off chicken.





  1. i’m not sure if Putin’s taster would be more at risk or our very own Tony Abbott

    Comment by kylie — July 24, 2014 @ 09:00 | Reply

    • Yes, I hear that there is a bit of Abbot bashing going on. Since I don’t follow Australia’s politics I don’t know why cart loads of manure are heaped on him. Or maybe he is heaping it onto those who elected him. Bit of an egg/chicken situation. Saw photographs of him the other day. In one he is a looker. Not, of course, that a photo gives you much insight into the workings of anyone.

      Hand it to me, Kylie, I’d have made a fine politician. Bullshit all round.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 24, 2014 @ 13:23 | Reply

  2. That seems to me a risky business. If some of these people bite their own tongue they are in danger of poisoning themselves. And then you’d get the blame . . . . .

    Comment by friko — July 24, 2014 @ 09:47 | Reply

    • Some of them should learn to “bite their tongue”,

      Comment by magpie11 — July 24, 2014 @ 11:14 | Reply

    • Dearest Friko, I shall ponder on your astute observation (whilst trying not to bite my tongue).


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 24, 2014 @ 13:18 | Reply

  3. We get large “crops” of hemlock around here from time to time….
    I’m intrigued to know why Putin?

    Comment by magpie11 — July 24, 2014 @ 11:30 | Reply

    • Why Putin? You won’t like it, Magpie. It’s a female thing. I am completely taken with the man. Such is the power of power, any power. And having heard that he employs ‘tasters’ I am in the market.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 24, 2014 @ 13:10 | Reply

      • I understand it having observed my mother (yes her again ) and my sisters in action.
        What about dear old Silvio then? Money and Italian to boot. 😉

        Comment by magpie11 — July 25, 2014 @ 15:06 | Reply

        • Good question, Magpie. But no, Berlusconi does not attract me. There is something about the guy I wouldn’t touch. Yes, my famous gut instinct. Anyway, he is a year older than my father which is a no no in itself. Italian or not. Mind you, if he offered me employment in some official capacity – keeping his hands off me – I’d be game. We’d be a match made in heaven.


          Comment by bitchontheblog — July 31, 2014 @ 11:01 | Reply

  4. Chicken a la Kiev?

    Comment by rummuser — July 24, 2014 @ 11:35 | Reply

    • Dear Ramana, never being politically correct “Chicken Kiev” is one of my favourite dishes. But, trust the British, there is a bit of an issue swooshing around their galoshes just now as to food hygiene regarding chicken slaughter.

      Bon appetit,


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 24, 2014 @ 13:16 | Reply

      • I missed that! We never had hygeine problems when I was young….. just as long as meat were cooked properly.

        Comment by magpie11 — July 25, 2014 @ 15:04 | Reply

  5. I think in the olden days, the poisons were rudimentary and pretty quick. These days, tasters are just for show. These rich and powerful people have so much money, they have to spend it on something (or someone)! 😉

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — July 30, 2014 @ 17:33 | Reply

    • Maybe you and I should team up – not in that Thelma and what’s her name fashion. More like Robin Hood redistributing the goods. That way we may meet the Sheriff of Nottingham in the shape of the delicious Alan Rickman. I’ll let you go into his chambers first. I like a bit of anticipation and talking to mothers of lunatics first.

      As to your “have to spend money on something” well, let me just say, politely, that some German Count has just spent the best part of more than two million pound Sterling on a bed surrounded by debris. One may, of course, argue what constitutes ‘art’. I tend not to because there is no point. Just like beauty ‘art’ is in the eye of the beholder. I once beheaded many a fresh (yet dead) sardine preparing them for the frying pan. I arranged their heads most elegantly in a large stainless steel sieve and took a photo. Should you be in the market let me know. You can have it for free.

      And yes, I do know you are a vegetarian, just as I am sure the Count does employ a chamber maid.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 31, 2014 @ 11:18 | Reply

      • Lorna, just realized, re-reading my reply to you after publishing that I do need to go on a “just” diet.

        Still, I hope substance does, occasionally, win over style. Don’t believe it. I don’t. It’s all in the wrapping. Till the paper comes off.


        Comment by bitchontheblog — July 31, 2014 @ 11:21 | Reply

      • I’ll pass on your beheaded sardine photo. Never liked fish–whole or in parts, dead or alive–even before I became a vegetarian. Make a puzzle of it and give it to someone. They’ll surely remember the gift for a long time! 😉

        Comment by Lorna's Voice — August 2, 2014 @ 22:14 | Reply

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