Bitch on the Blog

September 4, 2015

Maze

Filed under: Human condition — bitchontheblog @ 10:55
Tags: , ,

I don’t know what to do.

I make this frank admission because it’s how it is: I don’t know what to do. I have written a million words to come to a conclusion, I have paced floors, I have gone for long walks, I have spent many a sleepless night  – I still can’t see a way forward. And no, it’s not about mice or lack of funds. It’s about a deeply personal matter which has been festering for years.

And the only person in whose power it is to cut through this Gordion knot of a mess won’t talk to me. Militantly so. Six years and counting. Amazing what some people will do to hold, hug and nurture a grudge. Whilst bleeding themselves. And before any of you say, let it be, walk away, move on. I can let it be – sure. I don’t have a choice in the matter. The crux? I can’t walk away. In this absentia there is ever lasting presence. No release.

One person in my life has created the perfect Catch 22.

Now what?

U

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13 Comments »

  1. surrender! make peace with it in the best way you can.

    Comment by kylie — September 4, 2015 @ 11:04 | Reply

    • Thank you for your quick reply, Kylie. If “surrender” would help I’d surrender. But it doesn’t [help]. This is dead lock of a kind which makes you turn to Agatha Christie for comfort and light relief.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 4, 2015 @ 11:17 | Reply

  2. tragically, the best conversation i get on a friday night is quick responses to blog posts 🙂

    Comment by kylie — September 4, 2015 @ 11:38 | Reply

  3. Do what Yossarian would have done – Nothing and simply accept the situation for being Catch 22.

    Comment by rummuser — September 4, 2015 @ 12:16 | Reply

    • It’s a conundrum, Ramana. Why should I ACCEPT a “situation for being Catch 22” on the whim of someone whose actions are bordering on the pathological? Why? Why is it ok for people to hold you at ransom? I do not hate this person (yet) but am beginning to understand how hatred is begotten.

      You may like to read my response to Lorna who has had her own work cut out in her life. Whilst I will pursue Yossarian as recommended by you. But sometimes doing “nothing” is not an option.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 4, 2015 @ 18:53 | Reply

  4. This must be a rhetorical question, U, because the definition of a Catch 22 is that you are stuck and can’t get out. Plus you can’t change anything but yourself and you seem unwilling or incapable of doing that for reasons you don’t divulge, so we compassionate readers are left with little but platitudes and shoulders tense from shrugging. I wish I could help, but I don’t know how. I bet you wish I could help, too… 😦

    Comment by Lorna's Voice — September 4, 2015 @ 15:41 | Reply

    • It’s a “rhetorical” question in as much as I am, as you say, “stuck and can’t get out”. It is literally the most impossible situation I have ever found myself in. The solution is simple. Very simple But taken out of my hand.

      You are wise, Lorna, yet in this case it has nothing to do with being “unwilling or incapable” of changing myself. Because, essentially, it’s nothing to do with me. It affects me, it affects someone dear to me (badly) and, like a splinter stuck, I can’t extricate myself from this situation. It’s stalemate. And the arsehole who made it such is not the person I thought “it” was . Some people refuse themselves, some people are so precious to themselves they are willing to sacrifice others (before you misunderstand: I am not the one being sacrificed).

      And, you are right, I can’t “divulge”. I can’t run to an agony aunt/uncle or two. I suppose, best case scenario, by putting out this dilemma in a generalized way I was hoping for wise words. A solution? Well. We’ll see. I am not one for giving up.

      And yes, you are right: I wish you could help. Alas this is so protracted and I can’t go straight through the middle because there are by-standers to be considered. In my more mellow moments I can’t help but wonder why anyone but anyone would do this to anyone. It’s quite awful. Don’t recognize that person any longer. Not least can I condone the utter selfishness displayed. Wallowing n their self inflicted misery whilst making others miserable. Or in the words of the Angel: “Why is everyone tiptoeing around …….?” Indeed. Why?

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 4, 2015 @ 18:41 | Reply

      • Tip toeing around was a phrase I thought of….but hesitated to mention it untll the above….. then I realised that I could not offer anything else.
        Which is frustrating in its turn……..
        I suppose that it is as it is and you can hope for a change, no more than that. I’m never one for always being pro-active.

        Comment by magpie11 — September 6, 2015 @ 11:30 | Reply

  5. my comment disappeared and I can’t be bothered to repeat it.

    just this, :”give up already”. You’ll feel liberated.

    Comment by Friko — September 4, 2015 @ 19:16 | Reply

    • I wish you would repeat your comment, Friko, since I hold you in great respect.

      There is only one person who can “liberate” and, unfortunately, it’s not me.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 4, 2015 @ 19:53 | Reply

  6. Not knowing any of the details, it’s difficulty to give any useful advice. I can only hope that with a bit more floor-pacing and long walks and sleepless nights, you’ll find a viable way forward. Unfortunately when relationships get tangled, it can be a nightmare trying to untangle them.

    Comment by nick — September 4, 2015 @ 20:44 | Reply

  7. Unfortunately these things happen in life. Apparently you have no control so you can suffer or learn to let go. You’re not the only one who chooses suffering. Or maybe it’s not a choice? Who knows?

    Comment by cheerfulmonk — September 5, 2015 @ 23:49 | Reply

  8. either let it go OR confront it head on…you take the initiative – “whatever it is” – OR if it is too hard to bear the thought of confrontation then your quandary will never go away as such…

    Comment by cedar51 — September 7, 2015 @ 20:21 | Reply


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