I don’t know what to do.
I make this frank admission because it’s how it is: I don’t know what to do. I have written a million words to come to a conclusion, I have paced floors, I have gone for long walks, I have spent many a sleepless night – I still can’t see a way forward. And no, it’s not about mice or lack of funds. It’s about a deeply personal matter which has been festering for years.
And the only person in whose power it is to cut through this Gordion knot of a mess won’t talk to me. Militantly so. Six years and counting. Amazing what some people will do to hold, hug and nurture a grudge. Whilst bleeding themselves. And before any of you say, let it be, walk away, move on. I can let it be – sure. I don’t have a choice in the matter. The crux? I can’t walk away. In this absentia there is ever lasting presence. No release.
One person in my life has created the perfect Catch 22.