Bitch on the Blog

September 6, 2015

Half an hour ago

Filed under: Communication — bitchontheblog @ 16:00

I appear to be on a roll as relationship breakdowns go.

What would you do if your mother tells you (decades down the line – not for the first time but never as forcefully as just now) that you should be grateful she didn’t abort you (born out of wedlock)? Reminding you that without her you wouldn’t exist?

What did do? I thanked her twice and put the phone down.

Gutted, absolutely gutted,




  1. I for one am glad she didn’t.
    Is she in hospital?

    Comment by magpie11 — September 6, 2015 @ 17:00 | Reply

    • Thank you, Magpie, so am I [glad she didn’t – and, of course, I thank her]. Why does she need to ram it down my throat?

      Is she in hospital, you ask. No, she is perpetually at death’s door whilst fit. And I do take her seriously in that respect. At 83 you know you are running out of time. However, I do not think it gives you Carte Blanche. What my mother completely, utterly and always has, lacks is perspective, guilt tripping those who let her (which is why my youngest sister keeps contact to an absolute minimum). I don’t condone my sister’s stance. Though do understand where she is coming from. I? Well I put myself out – week after week after week. Sometimes coming away from those conversations with my mother drained, utterly utterly drained. She always wants others to bring joy to her, things to be fine, doesn’t really listen, misunderstands and then can’t admit she did, never ever asks what might have brought on ‘this’, ‘that’ and the ‘other’ in her children. It is so dispiriting.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 6, 2015 @ 17:29 | Reply

  2. My father tells me from time to time that the worst thing he ever did was marry my mother and have kids. Jeez. I always tell him to shut up but he never gets the point. Actually, it gets worse with age. In my mind, he thinks that as a parent he has some sort of licence to insult. After all, what are we if only just kids whereas he – and maybe also your mother – have gone through such awful whatever and we owe them forever and forever.

    Comment by Sabine — September 6, 2015 @ 20:46 | Reply

    • Sabine, at least your father is honest. Yes, I know, that’s scraping my barrel by way of trying to comfort you.

      It’s odd, particularly with fathers, how cantankerous some of them get as the years march by. I suppose as the light dims they have nothing to lose venting their disappointment (at life? at themselves?). Who knows.

      My mother? She loves me. Which is, of course, why what she said was … I don’t know. Maybe she just wants some acknowledgement of what she put herself through in a day and age when being an unwed mother was, let’s say, frowned upon.

      Thanks for saying hello,

      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 7, 2015 @ 10:03 | Reply

  3. I have great faith in your resilience. It sounds as if you need it, with all that’s going on in your life.

    Comment by cheerfulmonk — September 6, 2015 @ 21:37 | Reply

    • Thank you for your faith in my resilience, Jean. It’s lovely when, occasionally, someone acknowledges a strength in our character.

      You know how I sometimes mention all those good fairies at my cradle? Well, one of them bestowed me that gift of resilience. Not a Teflon skin – it’s easy when nothing touches you – but the ability to stay upright in the face of strong emotions. And with an unbroken spirit. Yes, maybe that would make the right epitaph for me: “An unbroken spirit”. Do pass me a tissue, please.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 7, 2015 @ 09:19 | Reply

  4. Oh dear Ursula, I feel you on this one. I could have written it all myself. If you minimise contact it will just break your heart in another way. Bat on, my dear. At least you can console yourself with knowing you did your best.

    Comment by kylie — September 6, 2015 @ 21:50 | Reply

  5. You and I should sit down together one day and share our experiences with our respective parents.

    Comment by rummuser — September 7, 2015 @ 00:58 | Reply

  6. What would I do? When this wasn’t the first time? Be cheerfully firm and point out she should thank her lucky stars she didn’t abort me, that she was lucky to have me for a daughter. Why rise to the bait? Then change the subject or lovingly, cheerfully hang up, much better than encouraging her or cutting her off completely.

    Unrealistic? For you, maybe, but there’s a reason I taught classes on Dealing With Difficult People. I don’t like being a victim, and I don’t want to be nasty in return. So I’ve found other ways of dealing with situations like that.

    Comment by cheerfulmonk — September 7, 2015 @ 02:32 | Reply

  7. I think it must be some kind of “let’s get this off my chest before I’m off to see the other world” and I’m sure it’s something to do with “if I’m over 80 I can do this” – I’m part of a family where I’m the baby and the eldest is 24.1/2 years older than me. She is in her late 80s and I have been informed on a number of things from my childhood which have really rattled me!

    Comment by cedar51 — September 7, 2015 @ 20:27 | Reply

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