Bitch on the Blog

June 18, 2016

Overlap

Filed under: Amusement,Friends,Happiness,Integrity,Observations,Psychology,Vicious — bitchontheblog @ 13:45
Tags: ,

Sweethearts, with the many many many subjects I feel like raising I chose this one for today’s breadcrumbs.

Are your feelings for someone influenced by the friends they keep? I know that last sentence is mildly convoluted but sometimes a knot is a knot.

Once upon a time (in my teens) I was part of three circles of friends. Yes, three. They couldn’t have been more different. None of them [circles that is] overlapping. And – by instinct – I kept it that way. The members of all three circles would have detested each other in equal measure. I am good that way – segregate as not to give cause for warfare (make that, in their cases, unreasonably sniping, sneering and abundance of unjustifiable arrogance). And yet, you know what – and it puts perspective on how we relate to each other – I was at home in every one of those circles.

Remember the initial question: Are your feelings for someone influenced by the friends they keep?

Ursula

 

 

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12 Comments »

  1. That question does presume people have the luxury of choosing friends. I was a hyper-introvert before I was 30, so this was never an option. Thus, this kind of question was not something I could even comprehend, although periodically I would be envious of those who had friends, regardless of what kind. Here in Silicon Valley the friends are the machines, but we do periodically interact with humans, so we judge people by the machines that they keep.

    Comment by Looney — June 18, 2016 @ 15:05 | Reply

    • Dear Looney, thank you for your frank reply giving a little glimpse into your inner “workings”.

      Is it a “luxury” being able to “choose friends”? Never thought about it like that. I find it very easy to make friends. No doubt partly by temperament because I like people, partly because as a youngster, once I started living with my parents and due to my father’s working life, we uprooted every five minutes till my teenage years. You entered a new school, a new playground, there was no time to hang around. I remember on day two, age twelve, I asked the girl I was seated next to (her being an introvert if ever there was one) : “Would you like to be my friend?”. As proposals go I couldn’t have been more direct. When on constant move you can’t waste time. In her inimitable sweet way, not that she was a pushover, she said “yes”. And thus a strong bond formed and she became – in the short time we had together (say, eighteen months) – a monumental influence in my life. She probably doesn’t realize how much. Yet, with her and anyone else I call a friend (and that includes those I have made in blog land) first and foremost it’s the emotional bond. That magic ingredient/chemistry that makes you interested in someone. And, hell as it sometimes is, we cannot “choose” an emotion. Emotion sweeps you off your feet. Trips you up occasionally as does stepping into a puddle makes you wet.

      Back to you. Your comment “we [in Silicon Valley] judge people by the machines that they keep” makes me smile. No doubt what you say is true and, to some extent, plays to stereotype. As far as I am concerned, and as I see you, you make excellent friend material. Loyal, thoughtful, a slight rebuke once in a blue moon delivered subtly, and no one’s fool.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 18, 2016 @ 16:51 | Reply

  2. No.

    Comment by rummuser — June 18, 2016 @ 15:33 | Reply

    • Who else but you, Ramana, could make himself clear with a simple two letters reply? I have got to know you well enough that your answer doesn’t surprise me. I do believe that’s why you, in no small part, are able to accommodate readers/commentators under your blog’s roof some of whom have little, if anything, in common.

      Alas, whilst I set the question, I believe there is no simple answer. I myself will (oh the shame of it) occasionally raise an eyebrow as to who consorts with whom – not least when I can’t help thinking I see a “friendship” of convenience rather than that magic bond of being genuinely fond of each other.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 18, 2016 @ 16:53 | Reply

  3. I second Ramana, though I am known to keep circles also. Less so now that dear ones are leaving the stage. I blend now and again when I host something (rare these days) and it validates my original plan to keep them apart. I find conversational flow can be impacted by disinterest on the part of some. I am sometimes surprised by who can hang with whom without my knowing. I wrote about it in my blog about a week ago.

    XO
    WWW

    Comment by wisewebwoman — June 18, 2016 @ 19:01 | Reply

    • Yes, WWW. I read that post of yours. As all of your blog posts it did set me thinking.

      The reason that particular set of three different circles of my late youth were kept apart was entirely organic. Nothing contrived, engineered about it. Their only overlap being that though they didn’t have anything in common with each other, didn’t know each other, I had something in common with all of them, in their many different ways.

      On reflection, and this may be of interest to you, the least intellectual, most down to earth, non reflecting were those who could have been friends with anyone. However, the intellectuals (one of whom constitutes my longest standing and close friend) were merciless snobs. And that’s the long and short of it. There is no excuse,. Neither does it matter. All I know, and selfish it may be, I had the best of THREE worlds.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 18, 2016 @ 19:28 | Reply

  4. not necessarily becaused although I might disagree with my friend’s – they are not necessarily my friend, because they might never interact with me anyway… it’s the same if someone in your workplace/organisation as a different poiint of view – if it doesn’t impact on my relationship with abc – then it probably will not surface as a bad thing!

    of course over the years of one’s life we move through phases and what was once deemed good/bad – is not long applicable. Especially as you have maybe moved on/away/whaterveer

    Comment by cedar51 — June 19, 2016 @ 03:37 | Reply

    • You say “not necessarily” because there may be no point of contact between you and a friend’s other friends. That is, of course, part of my point. However, a few times in my life I have had cause to take a deep breath as to who someone close to me is consorting with. Difficult. It’s when you start compartmentalizing, blending out certain aspects of someone’s personality (and their life).Take the Mitford Sisters. As close knit as sisters (and friends) can be. Two of them fell for Hitler who, without doubt, not only had his charms but also loved his dog (insert smiley). Yes, that old devil “charisma”. Not a deliberate snare since you either have it or you don’t. Not your fault what gifts the fairies bestowed you with at your cradle.

      Where is Oscar Wilde when we need him? I bet he said something wry and witty on the subject of the company we keep. Come to think of it one of his more devastating lines and I quote from memory: “What an excellent man. He has no enemies and none of his friends like him”.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 19, 2016 @ 04:56 | Reply

  5. No. Either I get on with them or I don’t. They may have some weird friends, but don’t we all?

    Comment by nick — June 22, 2016 @ 06:39 | Reply

    • Yes, Nick. Good to hear from you again. I do appreciate it.

      “Weird”, as you call it, is, obviously, in the eye of the beholder. And then, dear dog in heaven, there is jealousy. By way of one example, in my early twenties I had a friend, probably dead now. He was gorgeous. He was blond, blue eyed and tall (not that I don’t like the short, brown eyed, square of face and generally pretty grim). He was my neighbour (two adjoining appartments) in Duesseldorf. He also was a hairdresser. Now I don’t know if the egg comes before the chick or the cliche before reason. So, yes, he was gay. His boyfriend who lived in Koeln (Cologne), twenty minutes or so South of Duesseldorf, was everything you expect in a policeman riding a frankly take-your-breath-away black motorbike. Macho. Yes. To see those two together was surreal. Beauty and the Beast.

      Where was I? Weird and jealousy. My then boyfriend who mainly lived in Britain and later became my husband and the Angel’s father was so jealous of Peter it was beyond shaking my head. Mind you, Peter didn’t exactly like FOS either. Both of them kept warning me off each other. Hilarious.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — June 22, 2016 @ 11:03 | Reply

      • It’s funny how jealous straight men can be of a gay man. Do they think he’ll suddenly decide he made a big mistake and women are his thing after all?

        Comment by nick — June 22, 2016 @ 16:28 | Reply

        • Interesting question, Nick. I don’t know. Unlikely. Either you are gay or you are gay. You can hardly jump ship, can you? In case of FOS (father of son) I suppose he was (and is) a control freak. Shame really. He was a gentleman. No doubt about it. And a good father in as much as he provided the goods for me to look after our son. Neither did he ever scold him (not that there was ever any reason – the Angel literally being an Angel). Essentially FOS left parenting to me. It was one of the biggest compliments (in my perception) I ever received: “You are a wonderful mother. You know what you are doing. I’ll take your lead.”

          So, no conflict there.

          But, yes, and I didn’t see it at the time, he did (try to) control contact with my friends, family, my reading. How I allowed that to happen, to me of all people (remember I think I do know my own mind), I have no idea. Frightening. But, as I said, to all the world a gentleman. Considerate, courteous. You name it.

          However, and I believe you made reference to it today in one of your comments to a reader of your blog, you know when a child (particularly a boy) is shunted off to public school (as good as it may be) at age eight there will be issues, in the long run, of one kind or another. FOS had some notion to send our, at the time not yet conceived, child to public school. Almost as if it was a matter of prestige. Over my dead body, I said. And that was the end of it.

          U

          Comment by bitchontheblog — June 22, 2016 @ 18:06 | Reply


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