Bitch on the Blog

July 16, 2016

No goal

Filed under: Children,Future,Health — bitchontheblog @ 17:48
Tags: , , ,

Sweethearts, if anything in both the blogging world and comment sections on newspapers has taught me: DON’T. Say a word. So I won’t. It’s tough. Good exercise in self restraint.

Which is why I am throwing myself at your shoulders rather than facing prospect of being butchered in the wake of an article on miscarriage. The article itself is self indulgent to the point of nausea. The comments? My god. Pass me a bucket.

Bull. Bull and bull. Kylie, I expect you to weigh in here heavily.

Maybe I was brought up at a time when a bull was a bull and a spade was a spade. Shit happened. It was normal. I watched my mother, aunts, neighbours, you know … females. They miscarried. And then they carried on with life.





  1. Couldn’t agree more. The internet articles and comments are generated automatically by bots programmed by mental health counselors who are trying to increase their business.

    Comment by Looney — July 16, 2016 @ 19:38 | Reply

    • Don’t freak me out, Looney. The world is going down the drain hole as it is. If I were in the grip of my biological destiny this minute I’d doubt I’d give in to the urge. As it is, the deed was done twenty five years ago. And I am in knots.

      Apropos of nothing: As you, and most other people, do NOT know, I do work in research. This may sound exciting. And it is. It keeps my natural curiosity about the world well fed and nurtured. However, you can’t always pick fresh cherries among dried raisins – or some such. So along comes a brief. Brief? They tend to be anything but. Just now I had to watch (in the line of duty) one of those truly ghastly psycho thrillers. The type you’d have to pay me for watching. Hold on, I am being paid for watching it. What I find vaguely irritating (in any genre) is when it becomes formulaic. You have watched one bunny boil, a cat being slaughtered despite itself will not phase you. You, as an engineer of sorts, will know this better than most. It’s why I have always felt, and still do, sorry for the likes of Edison and Galileo Galilei.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 16, 2016 @ 21:27 | Reply

      • May God grant you some rest from the things of the past.

        As for Galileo, sometimes things work out in surprising ways. Galileo was confined to his house by decree only after he was too old to move about. The Inquisition provided him writing materials and supplies to continue his work along with free pizza delivery. But not every condemnation comes out so well.

        Comment by Looney — July 17, 2016 @ 03:14 | Reply

      • No sympathy here for Edison…. he used others’ ideas as his own….

        Comment by magpie11 — July 17, 2016 @ 12:06 | Reply

        • Edison, as far as folklore goes, gets my sympathy for trying and trying and trying … repeat. A thousand times.


          Comment by bitchontheblog — July 17, 2016 @ 12:38 | Reply

  2. With regards to the subject… much as I love the science I cannot but help putting your words, or similar, to IVF…. and the “universal right” for all humans to be come parents.

    Comment by magpie11 — July 17, 2016 @ 12:09 | Reply

    • Sore subject, Magpie. I manage to get people quite heft up about my views. The latest being some spat about “insemination by donor”.

      Even the semantics. “Donor”. Anonymous. “Gift” of life. What “gift”? How disconnected can you get in the process of creating a new life? And that goes for both the broody woman and the “donor”.

      You mention “right”. And you are right. Everyone (around here) has “rights”. A right to “have” a child. By any new means. I so wish people were able to accept their biological fate instead of trying to defeat it. I am the first to put up a good fight but sometimes, just sometimes, you need to concede that what is not to be is what is not to be.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 17, 2016 @ 12:36 | Reply

      • I know it’sa sore subject and so sore that this is the first time I’ve found the courage to even broach it in public……. your last apragraph puts it beautifully.

        Comment by magpie11 — July 17, 2016 @ 23:26 | Reply

  3. Without a doubt, miscarriage is pretty normal, whether that means there can’t be grief is another question.
    I remember having a relatively small bleed during a pregnancy and it caused me a great deal of concern so I would hesitate to make any judgement on anyone who had an actual loss and felt it deeply.
    It is my job to support and validate the experiences women have around childbearing and i have come to the conclusion that supporting and validating is the only helpful response. It isn’t always the most honest response, though!!

    I totally understand your comments on self indulgence, there is a LOT of that about and it is onerous in the extreme

    Comment by kylie — July 18, 2016 @ 09:55 | Reply

    • Thank you for your measured answer since I imagine you are, potentially, in the thick of dealing with the expectant, their expectations, their disappointments, their joys.

      As you say, of course there is “grief”. But, as an other column recently pointed out, some grief we need to deal with by ourselves, can’t foist it on those who will struggle what to say in the face of what is essentially, to them, a non event.

      However, as blase as I might have been with any other mishap, I can so relate to the fright you describe of bleeding out of nowhere. It was my mother’s birthday (hence I remember the date, 23 Feb). It was the only pregnancy I had truly invested my all, my emotions, everything in. I literally willed the Angel to hang on in there. And he did. Reliable and as good as his word to this day.

      To my shame, when I fell pregnant again (about fifteen months after the Angel’s birth) and just having ceased to breastfeed, dear dog in heaven, Kylie. I screamed when the test turned blue. I felt I had conceived an interloper. FOS (father of son) calmed me down. And it grew on me enough to tell my parents who where visiting Christmas 1992 that there was another one in the making. Alas, and I knew it because I hadn’t “felt” pregnant for days, the first scan showed no heart beat. I can’t even begin to tell how shit I felt on behalf of this poor blighter. He/she was pragmatic. “Mama doesn’t really want me. Better leave now before entering the stage.” Kylie, I was in knots. Guilt squared. Scant comfort, maybe, sometimes, it’s better not to be born. Though I know for sure I’d have loved any of my children. Still, I always thought of myself as a one child mother and nature saw to it that that was what I remained.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 18, 2016 @ 17:34 | Reply

      • I’m so sorry you had that loss and the consequent guilt. had nature allowed you more children, you would have grown to become a two, three or four child mother with the same certainty that you are now a one child mother

        Comment by kylie — July 19, 2016 @ 02:03 | Reply

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