Bitch on the Blog

September 24, 2016


Filed under: Amusement,Earth,Fish,Money,Sea,Travel — bitchontheblog @ 14:32

If you aren’t interested in boats – don’t go to THE BOAT SHOW.

If you are interested in people watching – go anywhere, even THE BOAT SHOW. You will not be disappointed.

My relationship with water is not as amicable as that I have with human beings. I trust humans. Water? Nah. It’s too deep, dark, full of fish, mysterious. On top of which you may drown. Though of all methods other than keeling over by natural causes I’d prefer to drown rather than, say, burn. From all I gather, drowning is serene, peaceful. BURNING? Why do you suppose hell is fire not water? Bet you never thought of that one.

Yes, so some people (particularly of a particular age and demographic) go on a cruise. Leaving aside the horror of being cooped up on what is essentially a hotel on unstable grounds how do these people sleep? Remember, noise is magnified in the depth and silence of the night. All that water lapping round the keel. Lovely. Who needs nightmares when you can just buy yourself a cruise?

I am convinced that people who go on cruises have a need to lull themselves in the sense of security money gives. Let those on the run drown somewhere off some god forsaken coast. What do they expect without a staff ratio of three to one per passenger? For heaven’s sake, keep perspective.

Fire and water, the other elements are earth and air. On the spur of the moment I’d say the last two are benign. Though, obviously, you wouldn’t say that if you sat on Mount Vesuvius when it has one of its turns, or being suffocated by a pillow, strangled or whatever – take your pick.






  1. Had it not been for my eyesight that got affected, I would have joined the Indian Navy and retired as an officer of some seniority! I love water, boats etc.

    Comment by rummuser — September 24, 2016 @ 14:52 | Reply

    • So did my father [love water, boats etc…]. He did his mandatory military service (two years in the fifties) with the Navy. When they offered him the “Offizier’s Patent” he declined. Why? His reasoning that – worst case scenario – he wouldn’t wish to be responsible for putting the lives of those he’d have to give orders to at risk. And that was that.

      You’d have made a fine “officer of some seniority”, Ramana. I can see you, Shackman and Mike at the helm now. Though don’t forget: The Captain leaves a sinking ship last. And rats swim.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 24, 2016 @ 18:05 | Reply

  2. We’ve been on two cruises — one to the Caribbean in ’96 and the other to Alaska in ’02, just after I turned 50.

    Actually, at night, we couldn’t hear the sound of the sea. On the last cruise, I didn’t sleep well at first and got up early the whole cruise. Mainly, I think it was because of all the scenery we were missing as we were transiting Georgia Strait (between Vancouver Island and the mainland) and beyond.

    I don’t know if we’ll ever go on a cruise again, mainly because of the expense.

    I spent a total of about 20 months aboard ship, 15 submerged. While for a time I considered making it a career, I got out of the Navy because of the separation from family that was required.

    Comment by Mike Goad — September 24, 2016 @ 15:48 | Reply

    • “Submerged”? You mean submarines? Oh my god, Mike. That is something else, raising the stakes.

      I have a thing for male comradeship, as depicted in many films. “Das Boot” (Wolfgang Petersen) springs to mind. I have watched that one so many times I know the dialogue, the facial expressions, their frustrations and disappointments by heart, and the fuselage creaking at the joints when they had to go deeper and deeper and deeper … inside out.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 24, 2016 @ 18:06 | Reply

      • That’s right. I’ve heard the hull creak as we went deeper and deeper. I’ve been in the control room (the bridge area) when we were going deeper and the guys on watch didn’t seem able to stop it…, though obviously they did, and I was on one of the ship’s controls when we did a (planned) emergency surface. Example:

        Comment by Mike Goad — September 25, 2016 @ 02:53 | Reply

  3. We went on a cruise along with a group of friends to celebrate our collective 40th birthday. We went to the southern Caribbean and hit 5 islands – had a great time, especially the booze cruise on Antigua. We ate a lot, drank a lot and the only issue I had was having to be at w ork a 8AM the day after we returned. Poor planning on my part for sure. Snorkeling was a kick as were the island tours we took. Not sure I’d do it again though –

    Comment by shackman — September 24, 2016 @ 16:23 | Reply

    • Sounds great. Never think of tomorrow whilst having a lot of rum punch this minute.

      Once upon a time (apropos your Caribbean cruise) I had banana bread on Barbados – for breakfast. I loved banana bread. Being young and innocent, on the day of departure, I was also “fed” a lot of rum punch. Grand. It tasted like fruit juice. Only better. With a kick. It speaks for my upbringing that I survived the whole flight back to London with my dignity intact and without being sick once. I am sure that if my stomach could live without me we’d had parted ways there and then.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 24, 2016 @ 18:05 | Reply

  4. This brings back memories of my three day cruise on a 60-foot long dive boat with non-stop stormy weather. The only time I didn’t feel sick was when I was in the water.

    Comment by Looney — September 25, 2016 @ 04:35 | Reply

    • I can believe that. Better join the elements than being rocked on a boat.

      Boats, particularly ferries, are so, I don’t know, inflexible. Come to think of it, Noah had one hell of a nerve to build an ark. Not, of course, that he had any choice.

      Casting my memory back over the years, one toss up coming to mind, whether to choose between a twelve seater flight in some flimsy bit of nothing of a plane between London and Amsterdam, or a ride on an equally flimsy if not worse Greek passenger boat between two islands. With the latter the wavy ride enhanced by Diesel fumes. One thing has to be said, and it’s why I recommend myself to anyone if you want a robust travelling companion, the moment someone hands me the sick bag is the moment I do NOT throw up. Even I am in awe of my willpower. One of my mother’s anecdotes that, as a very young child, I’d go green on a bus. Go very quiet. No sooner had we disembarked I’d run and be sick (out of sight) and emerge from the bushes unblemished. You are such a considerate child, she’d say.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 25, 2016 @ 05:24 | Reply

  5. I’ve never wanted to go on a cruise. Mainly as you say because I don’t fancy being cheek-by-jowl with hundreds of other people for days on end, with the odd opportunity to disembark. I prefer to be on dry land and going where I want when I want. But in ten years time, who knows, I might have come round to the convenience of being ferried about.

    Comment by nick — September 25, 2016 @ 11:25 | Reply

    • You may well be, Nick. Let me know.

      I live a stone throw away from so many docks and from where the QEII sails I regularly run into couples (oldish) who are just about to sail. Only the other day I found myself adrift in the car park next to the Grand Harbour Hotel in search of £1.00 (in words One Pound). Yes, really, Nick. One minute I had it, the next it fell out of my hand and rolled underneath, I don’t know, probably a Bentley. Golden. It’s a disgrace, at my age, to ask for money. Never mind. Needs must. So I approached this couple just parking up, and what do you know. All I needed was a pound. They gave me a five pound note. Chicken feed, the man said, as they were just about to embark on yet another cruise. Sweet. I like it when people don’t count pennies nor pounds. Being generous by nature I wish I were “swimming” in it.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — September 25, 2016 @ 12:14 | Reply

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