Bitch on the Blog

October 20, 2016

Promise and Perils

Filed under: Friends — bitchontheblog @ 20:07
Tags: ,

To up the ante of my “Spot Check” try this one for size:

What constitutes friendship?

Is it in your nature to be a friend?

Is it in your nature to attract friends?

Do you think yourself a good friend? And if so, to whom? And why?

How much honesty by a friend can you bear? How much of YOUR honesty do YOU expect a friend to bear? Should there be a fountain of honesty? Or should we be able, with no ill effect on the friendship, know when to turn off the tap of our well meaning, and let the water sicker into the sand?

Are you your own friend? What would it take to sever all contact with you, the friend you are to yourself?

U

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14 Comments »

  1. I agree with Emerson, a friend is someone who brings out the best in you. I made a commitment to myself when I was in my mid 20’s that no matter what happened I would support myself and be Emerson’s kind of friend. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

    What would it take to sever that friendship? Death or going bonkers — there are no guarantees in life.

    Comment by Cheerful Monk — October 20, 2016 @ 20:35 | Reply

    • You have me perplexed: What do you mean by “support yourself” in the context of friendship?

      Not so sure about the Emerson quote either. What does it mean “brings out the best in you”? What “best”? Best is at best unquantifiable, and at worst defined by other people.

      Jean, I cut what I wrote a minute ago in this paragraph since I just realized that I hadn’t even remembered my own question correctly. So my answer didn’t make that much sense. Who is going bonkers now? Anyway, I like your take on it (chiming with Ramana’s) – made me smile.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 21, 2016 @ 12:08 | Reply

  2. What constitutes friendship? A non filial bond of affection and trust.

    Is it in your nature to be a friend? Yes.

    Is it in your nature to attract friends? Yes.

    Do you think yourself a good friend? And if so, to whom? And why? Yes. To a handful of people of both sexes with whom the relationship has lasted for decades. Why? I suppose, because from either side, there are no demands other than just being friends.

    How much honesty by a friend can you bear? How much of YOUR honesty do YOU expect a friend to bear? A great deal to both questions.

    Are you your own friend? Yes, very much so.

    What would it take to sever all contact with you, the friend you are to yourself? Sannyaasa.

    Comment by rummuser — October 21, 2016 @ 11:42 | Reply

    • A great definition of friendship. Trust and affection – indeed.

      The rest of your answers? Well, my dear Ramana, there is something satisfying and soothing when the picture you have of someone is confirmed.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 22, 2016 @ 08:44 | Reply

  3. Friendship is seeing a persons worst side and still liking them.

    It is in my nature to be a friend although I am a bit hesitant to start with.

    I don’t attract friends very easily at all

    I am a good friend.

    Honesty is a great asset but it must be tempered with diplomacy.

    I am much kinder to myself than many people are but I suspect I could sever the relationship in a moment of despair

    Comment by Kylie — October 21, 2016 @ 11:44 | Reply

    • “Honesty is a great asset but it must be tempered with diplomacy.” Oh yes, and that you are – straightforward, your honesty nicely packaged.

      “Hesitant”? Caution is a way to protect ourselves. Watch a cat circle what you put down in front of it before it tucks in. You “don’t attract friends … easily at all” does surprise me since you appear so very approachable. That, once you have overcome your hesitation, you will be a good friend of that there is no doubt.

      You last verdict? Let’s just say it made me smile in recognition.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 22, 2016 @ 08:45 | Reply

  4. “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” – John 15:13

    I haven’t given up my life for my friends, thus, I haven’t been a good friend. At least not yet.

    Comment by Looney — October 21, 2016 @ 13:16 | Reply

    • You surprise me, Looney. Normally, your logic isn’t lacking. Just because you haven’t (yet) had to lay down your life for a friend doesn’t make you a not “good friend”. Anyway, a good friend wouldn’t expect you to sacrifice yourself. In fact they would refuse you to do so point blank. That’s the beauty of friendship. A friend remembers that they are not the only people in your life who may depend on YOUR survival.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 22, 2016 @ 08:50 | Reply

  5. What constitutes friendship? A bond of affection and trust

    Is it in your nature to be a friend? No though it is my nature to be polite

    Is it in your nature to attract friends? not really though I am an affable guy

    Do you think yourself a good friend? And if so, to whom? And why? Yes. To a handful of people of both sexes with whom the relationship has lasted for decades. Why? It has just worked out that way – regardless of the effort/cost we are simply always there for each other

    How much honesty by a friend can you bear? How much of YOUR honesty do YOU expect a friend to bear? No real limit to both questions

    Are you your own friend? Yes but if there is a limit to how much honesty Ican take I am sure I will find that limit

    What would it take to sever all contact with you, the friend you are to yourself? death.

    Comment by shackman — October 21, 2016 @ 14:33 | Reply

    • Far be it from me to contradict you which, naturally, won’t stop me doing so. Your second answer doesn’t add up. You clearly are a good friend, by your own admission (see paragraph 4) .

      The bit that makes me laugh (affectionately) is where you claim it’s not in your nature to be a friend yet it’s in your nature “to be polite”. As juxtapositions go yours takes the biscuit. POLITE? Well, try and tell that to LSF (longest standing friend). And he is polite. And so very rude with it. No barrels held.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — October 22, 2016 @ 08:46 | Reply

      • Polite opens the door to friendship – friendship being long term, polite in the moment. I have few real friends – many acquaintances.

        Comment by shackman — October 22, 2016 @ 16:06 | Reply

  6. Friendship….. I was never aware of having friends at school and yet I find that various people considered , and still consider , me a friend…. I was aware froma n early age of the mottoe my Grannie had hanging in her cottage. It had been painted for her by a soldier she had nursed . He had lost both his arms; It said, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.”
    being a friend is part of my life….if someone needs help, affection, support and so forth then all things being equal (as the saying goes) I will offer those things in friendship. If similar comes back in return that’s good, if not…. that is probably someone else’s loss…. Thinking of the above comment about school….. the return is now, it seems, sixty years later in one case.

    Have just had notice of the marriage of the youngest daughter of my friend from college…. next August in Canada….and there is no doubt that she considers me her friend as much as her father’s….. interesting.

    Friendship is an imprtant topic for youngsters around ten years and onwards and has provided the basis of manya lesson ….. one classic example… I asked the childrn to write down what they thought a friend is: Fay, aged 11, wrote , “A friend is someone who loves you inspite of who you are.”

    Surely that says a lot about being your own friend?

    Comment by magpie11 — October 21, 2016 @ 14:44 | Reply

  7. Unfortunately it’s not in my nature to attract friends. Why that should be, I’ve never worked out. I have one extremely good friend, my partner of 35 years, but other friends have come and gone quite quickly. I’m very willing to bear honesty from a friend, and be honest in return (within certain limits obviously). But I seldom get the chance.

    I’m very much my own friend, I accept myself for what I am, warts and all. Maybe that’s why I don’t attract other friends for very long – I don’t really need them.

    Comment by nick — October 23, 2016 @ 20:25 | Reply

  8. I have “friends” who I might not see regularly, some my “friends” are people with their own lives, some are family, some not…I have a few friends that if you say a girlfriend you are mostly okay but saying something like “I’m having lunch with one of my boyfriends” and eyes are raised! And then I have had “friends” who are no longer on my radar, because of various reasons – some because they have moved away, got married or in a couple of instances died.

    And yes I’m happy with being me, as in I’m quite happy with myself as a friend…although of course there is a tiny% of the time when I want to shoot myself!

    Comment by cedar51 — October 24, 2016 @ 04:20 | Reply


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