Bitch on the Blog

April 6, 2017


Filed under: grief,Human condition — bitchontheblog @ 14:54
Tags: , , ,

It’s a fine spring day. Doesn’t stop a grave thought.

The mystery (to me) that normally grief kicks in pretty quickly after the event. When I say “event” I don’t necessarily mean that which most people associate with “grief”, namely death. Not at all. Could be anything.

I am familiar with loss, indeed it has been said that my life is “one of loss” which, frankly, I find ludicrous. All of us “lose” stuff, people, ourselves, along the way. Occasionally.

Yes, so grief over a grievance normally kicks in pretty quickly after the event. However, and this is my puzzle and I’d be more than grateful if any of you have any ideas on this, there is a peculiar type of grief which overcomes you ages, a long long time, after the event. Evoked by, maybe, a sound, a song, a smell, a piece of music, the touch and feel of a piece of cloth, and, not least that most dastardly ambushing you, a thought.

Yes, so am melancholic this minute. Not in a bad way. In a slightly tearful way. If nothing else it’s a sign I am alive.

Hope the sun shines wherever you are – unless of course it’s night on your side of the globe in which case you have something to look forward to.




  1. When my kids were little we had a pet rabbit, my oldest son had a special bond with him. One day the rabbit went out for a walk and never came back. My son Liam was sad but seemed to get on with life. A number of years later the rabbit was mentioned in passing and Liam just broke down completely.
    It was shocking to me at the time but very instructive about the nature of grief.

    I hope this moment of ambush passes quickly for you, Ursula

    Comment by Kylie — April 7, 2017 @ 03:46 | Reply

    • Yes, I recognize Liam’s experience of “delayed” grief. I see he has graduated from rabbits to a fully grown dog. You have got a beauty there, Kylie.

      Waiting for the ambush to fade,

      Comment by bitchontheblog — April 7, 2017 @ 11:40 | Reply

  2. Knowing you as I do, I don’t think that the melancholia will last too long, particularly now that it is a bright and sunny day rather than the usual gloomy dull that is so normal there.

    The sun is shining too brightly here and it is hotter than normal for this time of the year. We have so much of sun here that unlike where you are, it is not a great day if it is sunny and hot. Matter of perceptions! Remember the elephant story?

    Comment by rummuser — April 7, 2017 @ 11:08 | Reply

    • Thank you for your vote of confidence, Ramana. Of course I will be fine. It’s my mantra “Everything will be fine”. Looking back over the last eight years or so I can’t help thinking it’s not only to reassure myself and others around me, but has almost the quality of a soothing lullaby.

      As it happened, late yesterday evening my dip in spirits took another turn. The worst didn’t happen but as all residents were ordered to leave the building IMMEDIATELY, with several fire engines blazing to underline the drama, that very thing I tried to describe in my above post came true. Loads of onlookers on the street (people I know) kept asking me, specifically, “Are you alright?” Why did everyone keep asking me whether I was alright, I later asked the Angel. Well, he said, you looked as if you had seen a ghost.

      And he is right. I had seen a ghost. Not one of those benign little ghosts.full of fun and mischief.

      And yes, my dear Ramana, I do remember the elephant story. A metaphor to keep in mind at all times.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — April 7, 2017 @ 11:35 | Reply

  3. Occasionally a song or scent will trigger something in me. It just serves s a reminder of a loss and usually passes fairly quickly. The same triggers also apply to things that piss me off – those have on occasion lasted a bit longer than those for grief.

    Comment by Chuck McConvey — April 8, 2017 @ 23:16 | Reply

    • Yes, Chuck, with your interest in music, and extensive knowledge of, I imagine music being a trigger for you. It is for me too. Which is why, though don’t know why, I not so much avoid listening to music as keeping it within limits. Come to think of it, not that it serves any purpose, one day I might make a list of all the music that are triggers. Some of the happiest transport me back to when I lived with my grandparents and that most amazing appliance (a radio). Russian Men Choirs. Operettas. Happy Sundays.

      Scent? There are two scents which send me into reverie. One is a memory only existing in my mind’s eye. The other I still get the occasional whiff of when milling around in public. Oddly, and maybe it’s more a mother son thing, I can’t remember how my mother smelled when I was young. Well, when both of us where young. I remember her kissing me goodnight before going out, her fabulous clothes, but not her perfume. Maybe she didn’t wear any. It’s possible.

      Music and triggers. The Angel whose spectrum is wide though dare I say Blues being his main “thing” is currently going through The Doors. It’s crazy, Chuck. I am being transported back to a time … And also realize and I am not even a guy (and it is a guy thing) that I remember all those songs. Not exactly word for word, but certainly note for note. Amazing. And then there is ZZ Top … Some years ago – courtesy of the Angel – I couldn’t have been closer to Lemmy (Motorhead) if i’d been married to him. Now? Now, Billy Gibbons is not only one of two sharp dressed men in my vicinity (the other, naturally, the Angel) but in the kitchen cupboard too (courtesy of … see above). Gibbons does do a mean line in sauces. How he keeps it out of his beard I’d rather not think about.

      As to your mentioning triggers of that which pisses you off. It happens. For me, rarely. And when it does I think of a meadow to shoo away the undesirable. The type of meadow my mother and I would frolic in when I was very young and (see above) so was she. She still is.

      Good to hear from you.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — April 9, 2017 @ 05:38 | Reply

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