Bitch on the Blog

May 4, 2017

All is well

This morning I woke with a sense of foreboREdom. Don’t believe a word of it.

Package it as you like. I woke with a sense of doom. I didn’t so much have a head rush (when you get up from your seat too quickly), I was positively faint with my heart racing me to death’s door. Nothing unusual in that: Healthy specimen that I am, my body has always played out my psyche to its soma. I am sure there is a reason we have a solar plexus. If only to keep us nauseous.

Anyway, as usual, my optimism was surpassed by reality three hours later. And to think I nearly cancelled the appointment because I didn’t trust my balance to make it.

Never mind. It’s not the end of the world. And I’ll live – just in case you were hoping I’d leave you alone any time soon. I won’t. I won’t see you for dust. Or, maybe, I’ll see you, myself and the rest of the world more clearly. Which would be good, a great relief and a great saver of wasted energy.

Made me think, on my way back, how hope makes you postpone the evil moment. Because, as long as you don’t hold eye contact with reality, there is always that chimera “Hope”. I know people who have wasted their whole lives waiting in hope which, essentially – and please do contradict me if you think otherwise – constitutes the con of all cons.

Onwards and upwards,

U

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6 Comments »

  1. I always demur when people say things like “It gives us some hope”. You can hope as much as you like, the only thing that matters is whether you actually achieve whatever you’re hoping for.

    Comment by nick — May 4, 2017 @ 17:01 | Reply

    • Yes, Nick. Except that sometimes to bring about that what we are hoping for is taken out of our hands. So there is no, as you call it, “achievement” to be had. Maybe that is the moment we are supposed to break out into the melancholic “que sera, sera…” I am with Churchill – only surrender once you have toiled, bled, sweated and cried. Not, of course, that I live on a beach. I live on pebbles.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 4, 2017 @ 17:19 | Reply

  2. Yep. We can’t believe everything we think. We can’t believe everything we feel.

    Comment by Cheerfulmonk — May 4, 2017 @ 20:25 | Reply

    • I am not only short changing you, Jean, I am selling myself short. I wrote you a considered reply yesterday whilst still in the raw – don’t know what’s happened to it. I don’t think I can reconstruct my then thoughts/feelings but will come up with something in reply to your comment – as I do. Though, from what I dimly remember, it’s rather a pity that that bit of writing got lost in the ether.

      Till later.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 5, 2017 @ 08:51 | Reply

  3. I’m curious as to your appointment. Did I miss something? I miss a lot lately. My internal files spill over from the internal cabinets.

    Vertigo?

    XO
    WWW

    Comment by wisewebwoman — May 5, 2017 @ 01:23 | Reply

    • No, my dear WWW, you haven’t missed anything. My post is worded in my usual opaque way of spinning a thought out of a real event the detail of which I believe of no relevance to my readers.

      Yes, sigh, you and your cabinets and all that sorting, chucking and generally downsizing. At least you are “doing” even if what you are doing is painful; and what you are doing does serve a purpose. Your last few posts made me think so much about the uncertainty of what awaits us in a future we can’t possibly map out years beforehand. All I know is that humans tend to adapt to circumstances, to their surroundings. Though, and it’s possibly the only reason I haven’t turned to crime, I would never be able to adapt to prison. If I want to frighten myself I imagine myself in a 6 x 8 cell. With only a bit of sky for company. But then, what if I were locked up in a cell without a window? You work in the dramatics so you can see my potential to make elephants into mountains. And then there also the prisons we make for ourselves without being confined to a cell.

      Anyway, yesterday was a shit day in my life. I rank it among the top ten or twenty. However, one of my mantras which I have employed since my teenage years: “It’s all relative”. That doesn’t necessarily give comfort in the moment but helps to keep things in perspective in the long run.

      With you in my thoughts,

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 5, 2017 @ 08:44 | Reply


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