Bitch on the Blog

May 15, 2017


Filed under: Human condition — bitchontheblog @ 05:26
Tags: ,

With her last reply Rachel has put forward an interesting observation. Namely, that she sees blogging, sometimes, as being in a “lonely” place.

Though I hope I know what she means I see blogging mainly as putting myself in an open and not at all safe place. Not easy for a person as private as I am.  To understand: None of my posts are plotted. They are, being self employed and working in the unadulterated company of my amusing self, what I call my “water cooler” moments. I take a break, throw something on the page and press “publish”. Brill. I feel fantastic. Till later. When I re-read what I wrote. If it was highly personal  I console myself that people’s attention span is barely greater than a goldfish’s and anyway, to use my father’s voice, him the investigative journalist: “No one is interested in yesterday’s news”. Or “old snow”. As consolations go it’s good. And not so good.

We put ourselves on the page. To do so means that we put a lot of trust and have faith in our readers. I won’t mention that marvellous British “benefit of the doubt” as I usually do. Nevertheless, I think we should employ that maxim more often than not. In my experience few people are after each others’ hide.

However, if there is one thing I have learned in blogland, and is what I believe Rachel touches on, that good will is hard to come by. Some say that it is the lack of, say, body language, facial expression, inflection in written conversation. Maybe. I’d say it’s lack of good will. I’d also say, and it’s a fact, that a lot of people are sensitive to anything perceived as the slightest hint of criticism. I use the word “perceived” advisedly. It’s a bit like family dynamics. Mainly mysterious. Though if you are the outsider looking in – oh my gosh, if only they’d let you, you could join all the dots and pinpoint everyone’s individual Achilles heel.

Before you tell me that the above is conceited – as is my wont – I too do have Achilles heels. Admittedly not many as my upbringing (and possibly my innate character) mean that a lot directed at me is water off a duck’s back. Which is not saying that I am impervious to slights. I am not. If I were I wouldn’t be human.

As an aside, and little to do with the above: I can’t remember the context this minute but some time ago Rachel mentioned being tearful. Despite my sunny disposition I am, potentially, on the verge of tears all the time. It takes nothing to make me well up. There you go. The human condition. Happy and sorrowful. Two sides of one coin. But then the world is full of both: Sunshine and Shit.




  1. Sunshine and shit. A great metaphor for life itself dear Ursula. True Dat.


    Comment by wisewebwoman — May 15, 2017 @ 09:22 | Reply

    • My dear WWW, as long as the shit is outshone by sunshine we find the former will dry out. Not sure what those pats are useful for but at least they are not wet.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 15, 2017 @ 12:32 | Reply

  2. On the whole my blog visitors have always been polite and friendly. Even if they make critical comments, they do it in the right spirit. And like you, it’s usually water off a duck’s back, because I only get offended by seriously vicious remarks. But yes, it can sometimes be hard to decipher someone’s underlying tone when you can’t see them in the flesh.

    Comment by nick — May 15, 2017 @ 11:00 | Reply

    • Funnily enough I have never had a “problem” with any of my readers. Say what you like. There was one exception – and to this day I am sorry I had to ask that person to not comment here any more. It was on behalf of another reader whose private life started getting exposed. Nothing to do with any debate. I felt compelled to draw a line.

      However, as you well know, half the time I can’t say anything on other bogs. I get deleted all over the place. Note to Self: Don’t say anything – just nod in delight. Truth is, and please don’t tell anyone, that most the time their insults and deleting me make me laugh. If some people (well, there are two in particular, both of them male – not that that has anything to do with the penance they pay) knew how childish and far worse their reactions are, how much they add to my amusement they’d probably hire a contract killer and split the cost.

      All I know is that friends can be made amidst adversity, it just takes a bit of time and patience to get to know each other. The moment I (and that is an “I” with a capital eye for bullshit) think someone a lost cause is the time even my initial interest in them begins to vane. It’s rare. Maybe too rare. But it does happen.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 15, 2017 @ 12:29 | Reply

  3. My experience with blogging is vastly different from Rachel’s. I have had a great deal of goodwill and have nothing to complain about. About Sunshine and Shit, unless you have the one you cannot appreciate the other!

    Comment by Rummuser — May 15, 2017 @ 12:21 | Reply

    • I don’t think Rachel was “complaining”. I took it more as a heartfelt and wistful reflection of her own blogging experience. She is quite a character – definitely one of those people you really have to persevere with to get a foothold.

      Slightly veering off the original subject, and something I have learnt about myself during my blogging years, that I appear to be dead set on testing someone’s mettle, initially. Later? Later I mellow. Why? I don’t know. My mother, who is a lovely person if somewhat hoity-toity at times, was merciless in her needling and riling other people (she had many brothers – on either side agewise). For her it was never an intellectual exercise. That’s not how she works. For her it was a hoot, a blast. Having said that – when I was at the receiving end I didn’t always appreciate it. Now? Now I think she is a bit out of practice; yet her spirit remaining.

      Hope all is good, and yes, you are right, without being aware of contrast we can’t truly appreciate anything,

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 15, 2017 @ 12:53 | Reply

  4. Interesting. Personally, I really started blogging because I was somewhat lonely. I love debate – will take either side of a topic just for the fun of the discussion. I have not had a close friend within close enough physical proximity to say have a beer for quite a long time. bSo I opened up on a blog to see where that took me. Blogging has filled that need for discourse and I have made a couple of friends. I find the directness of responses refreshing and as I am somewhat affable most responses are of that style. Occasionally things get testy – most often in political discourse but then that is where we are here in the good old USA – civility has left the building.

    U you and I come from a generation used to interpersonal contact live and in real time – LOL. So in blogging, we need to learn a “new” language as it were – something younger follks are immersed in on a daily basis.

    Sunshine and shit?? No big deal. They are interdependent. Label it as you wijj. Yin and Yang.

    Trust and faith in our readers? Absolutely. We expect them to shoot straight and be honest. Anything else is a waste of both our time.

    Comment by Chuck McConvey — May 15, 2017 @ 13:35 | Reply

    • Yes, Chuck, your attitude shines through every single post you write and every comment you leave here and other places. There is not only integrity but also both consideration and thought given.

      Your “I love debate – will take either side of a topic just for the fun of the discussion” makes me smile in recognition. On one memorable occasion – we were in our late teens – I played Devil’s Advocate. Oh dear. The fallout among my group of friends was astonishing. Let’s forget for a moment that they should have known me well enough to realize that I was taking the piss. I can’t remember the subject now but it was some philosophical thing that was taken seriously as only eighteen and nineteen year olds can take THAT seriously. I have no idea what possessed me but right at the beginning of the discussion I decided to take a – to them – outrageous view. So far, so fun. I fought my corner. Everyone was wildly gesticulating at me. Eventually? Eventually, so further, so shit.

      Punchline: What aggrieved them, Chuck, and it’s worth thinking about, that once they realized I was playing Devil’s Advocate they felt ridiculed, even betrayed. One very very good friend cried and said he didn’t know if he could ever be friends with me again. The outrage was such I thought I’d walked onto the wrong set. Another friend, the one who later became my first husband, was the only one who just smiled, I suppose he had me sussed, and anyway he was one of the most chilled people I have ever met.

      The reverberations rumbled for a few days. I had no idea how much damage one can cause with so little effort.

      If I have related above anecdote before and, most likely, I will have done so, it only illustrates what a deep impression that episode made on me. To this day I remain amused. Don’t tell them. Or all hell will break loose again.

      That blogging cut through your feeling lonely is great. I marvel at how blogging connects the most unlikely people. When I say ‘unlikely’ I mean people we would have never met otherwise. One may say “globalization” at its best. Cheers to the web that technology allows us to weave.

      And to think that I probably would have never considered starting a blog if good old Con hadn’t suggested, nay, demanded of me to do so.

      You mention “affable”. That you most certainly are. Without being boring. If some people out there – not on my blog – knew how boring they are they might consider taking the short cut. More of which in my next post when I find the time. And I will [find the time]. If that sounds like a threat (to some) it’s because it is. 🙂

      Hope you are well. One of these days – probably during a power cut – I will write down some of my well honed answers to your recent back catalogue.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 16, 2017 @ 09:03 | Reply

  5. Ok……i kind of like you ursula but i am afraid you have a limited amount of self awareness…u argue, u often challenge a view where challenging is not really warrented and you take an opposite view too many times!
    You are not always sunny…..i think u should chill out a bit more

    Comment by finlaygray — May 19, 2017 @ 21:54 | Reply

    • You are right: I am not always sunny. One day I’ll post my first passport photo. I was age five and thunder was written all over my face.

      I take your views of me on board. Like any view we have of others, they are debatable.

      My own view? “Challenging” is always “warranted” – with very few exceptions. For instance, I don’t challenge the very old or the dim. It would be unkind and achieve nothing. Neither do I mind being challenged by anyone.

      I take opposing views to those which I think need challenging. If that exceeds some people’s ability of holding their own so be it.

      You mention “self awareness”. It’s an interesting subject. How aware can any of us be of ourselves? However, and it may not amount to being self aware, no one but no one is more critical and aware of both my strengths and my shortcomings than I am.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 21, 2017 @ 02:24 | Reply

  6. But i do still like you

    Comment by finlaygray — May 19, 2017 @ 22:03 | Reply

    • That makes two of us, John. I still like myself too. Long may it last.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 21, 2017 @ 02:11 | Reply

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