Bitch on the Blog

May 21, 2017

Aunts and Uncles

Filed under: Communication,Ethics,Friends,Observations,Psychology — bitchontheblog @ 02:00
Tags: , ,

Having recently been given the accolade that I “cut through crap” by a higher authority than the crappers I am dealing with on and off,  I have now adopted this as my motto. Which is no doubt why I am terribly popular with, among others, certain bloggers (none of whom comment here – they cry into their own snot stained hankies).

Let’s leave the lame to swinging their walking sticks wildly. And turn to matters that actually make a difference rather than dealing with the somewhat limited. If the boot fits let’s hope their narrow mindedness and blinkered views will give them blisters.

Where was I?

Sweethearts, if I were an agony aunt there would most certainly be agony. I don’t know why I do it but do it I do. Which is reading other people’s woes in  most worthy publications. These “problems” leave me – by and large – speechless. Obviously some do merit thought and consideration. Others? Others just leave me gasping with incredulity. Yes, so if I were an agony aunt heads would be bashed together to knock sense into which clearly has left the common, and a fist or two banging on the table. Remember – I won first prize for cutting through the crap.

Whilst the above is true – if you believe that you believe anything.

Interval. Several hours later…

Leaving what I wrote earlier to prove like dough I have been reflecting on who we, or rather I, ask for advice. And why. If I feel in need of a mega bollocking no barrels held I can rely on LSF (longest standing friend). If there is one person in my life who doesn’t mince his words it’s him. Come to think of it most people in my life don’t mince their words but he is extra strength.

I sometimes ask the Angel for advice. Unfortunately, like his mother, he too is a cutter-through-crap. Coupled with a trait I peculiarly associate with the male of the species – namely, a certain amount of impatience and irritation at my follies. It doesn’t always make for pleasant hearing but at least I can rely on him telling me how he sees it. An often different and enlightening perspective. Yes, I like seeing things with fresh eyes.

What of the people you wouldn’t dream of going for advice to? In my experience they are the ones who tell you what you want to hear, not what you need to hear. Useless. Then there are those who haven’t got a clue about anything. They flounder and you don’t want to add to their feeling incompetent.

What I have realized, and it’s rather interesting, that virtually all people I turn to for advice are men. I am now in danger of treading on very hot coals. Yet fact is – or at least my life’s fact is – that men seem to have a way of getting to the nub of a problem where women tend to meander. Which, and to conclude this post’s original argument, is why men would make efficient agony aunts.

U

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18 Comments »

  1. Dear Agony aUnt,

    I am wondering if those who ask for advice really want someone to “cut through crap”, or would be happier in their misery? And as a side question, should we provide advice that is intended to “cut through crap” to those who didn’t ask?

    Comment by Looney — May 21, 2017 @ 04:26 | Reply

    • My my, Looney, what’s happened to my comment to you? There is a saying that the last will be the first and the first the last. Please do bear with me. Have to attend to other matters this minute.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 22, 2017 @ 20:12 | Reply

      • In answer to your second question: Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome. But, and it’s a big BUT, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give advice if we believe it to be in a person’s best interest. I liken it to giving someone a leg up the saddle. How they then ride the tide is entirely up to them.

        U

        Comment by bitchontheblog — May 24, 2017 @ 18:25 | Reply

        • OK. I have to avoid my temptation to obviously give bad advice to someone who doesn’t want it, but clearly needs it. Like, “why jump into the frying pan when you can jump into the fire?”. Will keep U in mind for how to handle such things!

          Comment by Looney — June 3, 2017 @ 02:00 | Reply

  2. Being an agony uncle of sorts, I can relate and also offer my broad shoulders and my walking stick that I don’t swing wildly, whenever you feel the need.

    Comment by Rummuser — May 21, 2017 @ 10:42 | Reply

    • I’d love to rest my occasionally weary head on your broad shoulder, Ramana. It’s all very well to tread the path by yourself; sometimes it’s nice to sigh a breath of relief in good company.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 22, 2017 @ 19:53 | Reply

  3. was it me who said that about you? because I have most certainly thought it.
    I rarely ask advice these days, most people are more biased than you can imagine, don’t always understand or account for the subtleties in a situation or are downright arrogant.
    I had one wonderful (male) agony aunt who handled things perfectly. I miss him every time there is something to worry about

    Comment by Kylie — May 21, 2017 @ 10:55 | Reply

    • Yes, Kylie, you are definitely among those who recognized my potential to piss people off early on. I remember to this day when you told me that you “get” me. It is what is so wonderful about my regular commentators. They all “get” me. And sometimes they catch me out.

      I don’t often need advice but, unlike you, I do seek it. Yet – again chiming in with what you said – you have to bear in mind whose advice you seek. And, at risk of repeating myself, often it’s those who have no particular allegiance to us who can be relied upon to give impartial advice, sound advice, non bias advice. Having said that, when I go for advice or, possibly more accurate, an opinion of a person close to me I will factor in the colouring of their own personality and life’s experience.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 22, 2017 @ 19:37 | Reply

  4. The only place I ever have really asked for advice was at work and then it was from my boss to make sure I was going down the right path — I usually was. I find now that it is less troublesome to just go ahead and do it the way I was going to, especially now that I am at a point in my “career” — it’s almost over, for good — where I can walk away at any time without any adverse consequences.

    I’ve never been much for giving advice; though, over the years, I have been in situations where I was able to be helpful by being a listener, a “big brother,” for several women.

    Comment by Mike — May 21, 2017 @ 12:53 | Reply

    • Quite right; advice in the work place should always be welcomed. How do we learn if not from our elders and those more experienced?

      As to “big brother”, Mike. Being the eldest in my family I had a rather romantic notion of having an elder brother. So, in absentia, I always kept an older “brother” in my circle of friends from my mid teens onwards. What’s so marvellous about that type of relationship that it’s uncomplicated. You like each other. You look out for each other. And that’s about it. The first time I made use of my very first adopted big brother was when I was too cowardly to tell my two day boy friend (we’d only held hands and he was the hottest ticket in town) that we were so over before we’d even started. Big Bro did it for me.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 22, 2017 @ 19:49 | Reply

  5. I usually look for information, not for advice.

    That’s great that your son isn’t an enabler. You are blessed.

    Comment by Cheerfulmonk — May 21, 2017 @ 20:10 | Reply

    • I’d say that if you do NOT look for advice that’s the type of arrogance that gives arrogance a bad name.

      Of course, as you say, information is key. But isn’t seeking advice/someone’s opinion a type of gathering information which helps us to make an informed choice?

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 22, 2017 @ 19:35 | Reply

    • Of course, getting other people’s ideas/opinions is gathering information. It seems the word advice has different connotations for us. Why jump to the conclusion that it’s arrogance? Sounds silly to me.

      Comment by Cheerfulmonk — May 23, 2017 @ 00:05 | Reply

  6. Trust me when I say I am not one to give advice, given the state of my nearly seven decades of existence. There is absolutely nothing save perhaps the ten years of caregiving I provided to my late wife worthy of positive comment. I, therefore, would make a lousy agony aunt/uncle. Kind of my own personal don’t ask don’t tell policy. I do, though, ty.pically see through the crap as it were.

    Maybe if I had asked for advice sooner things would have worked out differently. Alas, as the song goes – It’s too late baby now, it’s too late. I will just be content blogging and commenting on other blogs.

    Comment by Chuck McConvey — May 22, 2017 @ 12:38 | Reply

    • Oh yes, Chuck, you most definitely see through the crap. And, whilst I imagine you wrap it up as fragrantly as possible, you will deliver and cut through it. It’s as obvious and reassuring as some of the sea is crystal clear.

      You have hit onto something that; maybe, the older we get the less advice is important. I haven’t reached that state yet. Though, reading through the comments above, maybe advice and opinion are (to me) interchangeable.

      Come to think of it, it’s probably better to ask for an opinion. Because if you ask for advice you can bet your bottom dime that the advice giver is, possibly, taking offence if you don’t act on their advice. Opinion is more open ended, fluid. Advice often delivered as cast in stone. Still, clever me, I know where to go without being held to ransom. Wait till I knock at your door.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 22, 2017 @ 20:08 | Reply

  7. Male as I am, I think I would make a useless agony uncle. I don’t have enough empathy, or patience, and I don’t listen carefully enough. Also I’m not very good at cutting through crap. I’m more likely to believe it than see through it. I shouldn’t come to me for advice if I were you. As for seeking advice, obviously I consult Jenny about most things. I don’t have any other close friends I could discuss things with, so quite often I just work through problems on my own. Which usually goes okay.

    Comment by nick — May 22, 2017 @ 16:54 | Reply

    • Don’t worry, Nick. I most definitely won’t come for advice to you. Though maybe you’ll grace me with an opinion when asked.

      U

      PS Don’t sell yourself short.

      Comment by bitchontheblog — May 22, 2017 @ 19:38 | Reply


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