Bitch on the Blog

July 2, 2017

Limitations

Filed under: Communication,Ethics,Exasperation,Future,Observations — bitchontheblog @ 20:06
Tags: , , ,

I may have mentioned this before. If so please attribute it to occupying my brain in an increasingly unnerving manner.

It’s vexing. Any advice gladly received. What do you do when people get older? Do you actually argue a point, set them straight as to the facts or just leave be? Obviously the latter the easy option. But also … I don’t know … condescending? Yet, what’s the point to put a point when someone (by virtue of age) is more or less on the way out? What purpose does concrete information serve? I think the answer is: None. Yet when does the point in someone’s life come when it appears kinder to just nod?

I don’t like to use Americanisms yet a useful one here: I feel “conflicted”. If ever there was a shorthand for being between a rock and a hard place it’s downright “conflicted”.

To reiterate: Is it worth it to point out errors or, less challenging, just put a different point of view when that person can’t make future use of being informed as their time is almost upon them?

I don’t know. It’s painful.

U

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12 Comments »

  1. For me it’s not even a matter of age. I know people who are convinced they are right and won’t consider facts or other opinions. So why argue unless it affects someone else who would be damaged by it? Just change the subject and move on.

    Comment by Cheerfulmonk — July 2, 2017 @ 20:31 | Reply

    • Your reply, Jean, makes a case – not least considering your advanced years. Should I point out to you that you haven’t actually answered my question? Or should I just leave it – and “move on”? “Change the subject”?

      I dislike the expression “move on”. Sometimes you are stuck. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. As I am, for instance, with my mother. My father, about your age, limping not far behind her.

      So, Jean, to make you a test tube babe under the microscope, what do I do? Do I say the above – at risk of hurting you, at risk you not comprehending – or do I just “change the subject”?

      To spell it out: Is it better to bite my tongue or is it condescending to do so because I think “what difference does anything make NOW?”. Let peace, quiet and a blanket of snow descend?

      To put it another way: i sincerely hope that my son will never think that I am so way past it that he’d rather save his breath in order to spare me.

      U

      Comment by bitchontheblog — July 2, 2017 @ 21:23 | Reply

    • It depends on how vehemently they feel about the matter. I know some people who get angry if you disagree with them. In that case I figure it’s best not to argue. But even if that’s not the case, why argue? Why not just respectfully tell them how you see it without getting upset if they don’t change their mind?

      Comment by cheerfulmonk — July 2, 2017 @ 22:51 | Reply

  2. I was in this boat with my elderly dad who was opinionated and argumentative and frankly I tuned him out and even though the phrase “is that so” used upon him like a mantra became my favourite of all responses, there was a bit of an edge, passive aggressive, I know.

    It brought much silence to our times together of which there were many but it kept things peaceful. Yes. Go quiet on her.

    XO
    WWW

    Comment by wisewebwoman — July 3, 2017 @ 00:44 | Reply

  3. So far, I have not even considered that i wouldn’t bother expressing a conflicting point of view but that’s because some people’s bigotry or intellectual laziness annoy me so much that I can’t make rational decisions

    Comment by kylie — July 3, 2017 @ 09:45 | Reply

  4. My late father met with an accident in 1978 when he was 67 years old and broke a couple of his ribs. When I was called to take him away from the hospital because they found my visiting card in his wallet, he told me that it was the beginning of his end. He lived to be a ripe old age of 95!

    My time now is almost up. Don’t worry. It is only my thinking like that. Quite when I will go is up to things over which I have no control. So go ahead and tell me things that may not be of any use to me. You never know.

    Comment by rummuser — July 3, 2017 @ 10:48 | Reply

  5. Hmmmm – I am in that “elderly” stage and personally would be offended were you to let something slide – LOL. That said, I see no point in pushing someone who is “losing it” or is totally intractable on any given subject matter. That is why you will rarely – if ever – see me arguing religion. Never confuse fat with stupid – I am not a person of faith but I know better than to argue faith issues with someone who is. I will leave that to guys like Bill Maher. When presented with the opportunity to discuss anything with someone with declining capacity I simply look for something they find pleasant and leave the discussion at that.

    Comment by Chuck McConvey — July 3, 2017 @ 12:37 | Reply

  6. Surely it depends on the person. If they have a lively mind and are open to new opinions, then say whatever you want and it’ll be welcome. But if they have fixed ideas and don’t want them challenged, then there’s no point in saying anything and the non-committal nod is what they deserve.

    Comment by nick — July 3, 2017 @ 16:45 | Reply

  7. If the old person is getting sucked into a scam that will take away their lifetime savings, then I would do everything in my power to set them straight. Otherwise, if they believe the moon is made of cheese, you first find out what kind of cheese they believe it is made of and then you spend a few hours arguing with them that the moon is made of some other kind of cheese. Or not. This all depends on your need for free entertainment, since we all have numerous erroneous opinions of one sort or another. I plan to take a lot of errors with me to the grave.

    Comment by Looney — July 4, 2017 @ 03:41 | Reply

  8. It is painful to go through and to even think about. Some things and people are just that way, effectively draining our emotions. But there is hope in everything really. Warm greetings and best wishes to you.

    Comment by blogoratti — July 4, 2017 @ 18:16 | Reply

  9. Ive stoppedbeing angry at you life is too short x

    Comment by finlaygray — July 6, 2017 @ 22:25 | Reply

  10. It isn’t a matter of Age for me, I forfeit the Need to be Right in favor of Peace and Harmony with whomever I may be discussing something with. I may express my point of view of the information that is accurate, but if resisted, well, one try is enough and I opt to just have a Positive conversation beyond that without argument or upset. And to end any potential conflict with someone who might have the Need to be Right, I will simply say, “You COULD be Right…” nuff said, you can’t argue with that Statement and it ends discussion, always Peacefully. *Winks*

    Comment by Bohemian Valhalla — July 7, 2017 @ 15:46 | Reply


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