Bitch on the Blog

April 2, 2018

Alternative Comment Box – Nick

If I were a teacher having to face class every day I’d be both overjoyed (facing class) and in despair (when marking their work).

Dear Ramana, on his blog, writes a heart warming “first page”, in response to which Nick – who appears to be incapable of talking about anything other than himself – writes, and touching it is:

“The first page of my novel would be rather too long to reproduce here. The first sentence maybe. Someone else has already used “It was a dark and stormy night”, so I’ll have to think of something else. “I was born in one of the coldest winters of the century, when strict rationing was still in force a year after the end of the second world war.”

To which I replied, and I am aware of how cruel yet instructive my comment is:

“You need an editor, Nick:

The Allies and their enemies had bombed the shit out of each other. To little gain. As is my wont, I was born in March – an unusually unwelcoming one. Strict rationing in full swing, my mother wasn’t able to nourish me to full potential. The year was 1946.


If my father taught me one thing it’s that “dog bites man” does NOT make a headline. “Man bites dog”? Yup. In the meantime just keep barking.

Belated Happy Birthday, Nick. And don’t worry about the dog. Rarely, though occasionally, even I don’t expect an old one to learn anything new.





  1. I think the punch line here would be lost on Nick.

    Comment by kylie — April 2, 2018 @ 09:53 | Reply

    • You touch on a valid point, Kylie: So much, so many nuances, lost on Nick I actually wonder why I ever engaged with him as much as I did.

      One of my weaknesses, often pointed out TO me and taken little notice of BY me, that I see past red flags, ignore the obvious, think that all will be well in paradise. And if there is a price to paid by me for an innocence, a belief in others, then so be it. I’ll pay. I’ll even leave a generous tip for the lesson.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — April 2, 2018 @ 14:49 | Reply

  2. 946? And I always thought it a Vintage year… mind you the winter in question was surely 1947… almost as cold as 1962/3…

    Comment by magpie11 — April 2, 2018 @ 11:55 | Reply

    • I don’t know, Magpie. I wasn’t around then.

      Considering that Nick’s birthday is in March and he recently stated (before March) that he was seventy one, and that one year after end of WW2 amounts to 1946, I just take his word for it having been a terrible winter. Which, no doubt, accounts for his tendency to cotton on to the tail end of what’s not so good about life and “other” people. Woe is his. He never tires to tell how awful “it” all is; particularly the terrible card us womenfolk have been dealt – in HIS opinion. And how he distinguishes himself from the rest of hu/man/kind. If Nick has one thing down to a fine art, the only thing apart from never making a spelling mistake, it’s boasting in a labyrinthine humble bragging type of way. A sort of inverse snobbery. In mitigating circumstances, and it’s no laughing matter, he clearly had a crap upbringing (boarded), marred by a father he only hints at darkly, and a mother who appears to live forever.

      None of the above would have ever been put on my page if Nick, spinelessly, hadn’t felt the need to malign my name in other bloggers’ comment boxes. That’s what the Nicks of this world are good at: They jump on band wagons because they don’t have the backbone to tell what’s bothering them to someone’s face (in this case mine).

      In other bad news: Many years ago I researched vintage (wine) to mark my father’s birthday (might have been his fiftieth). It turned out that 1937 is indeed a vintage year. The cost was crippling. But then not everyone has the privilege of being my father’s daughter.

      My year of birth? Not exactly vinegar, Magpie. More: Drink now, live later.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — April 2, 2018 @ 14:22 | Reply

  3. You know what? I have watched this whole scenario play out for some time now. When a thing like this plays out in public it is kind of inviting people to have opinions on it, even though the smart ones back away and make no comment. Now, even though it has all played out publicly I am being asked not to say what i think. I am going to really struggle to know what is integrity in this situation? Do I wish to lose friends for having an opinion? have I lost friends already? Have I cut to the chase too much? Am I adding anything to the conversation?
    I have enough things to worry about so I won’t put too much thought in any more. Fight it out as you wish. i will be watching. i will have opinions. I will notice who is upfront and who is weasely. I will notice who fights their own battle and who tries to recruit reinforcements. I will notice who expects different behaviour to the way they behave. I will notice who holds themselves to the same standard they hold others.

    I don’t want to damage relationships over this but if I am asked to choose, with deep regret, I will

    Comment by kylie — April 2, 2018 @ 12:19 | Reply

    • Don’t worry about your “integrity”, Kylie. You have shown plenty, and you have played, diplomatically, fair by all parties involved.

      I wouldn’t call what I am doing a “fight”. I leave the fighting to others. Not least when their swords are blunt, their vision so narrow they can’t see the wider picture beyond their horizon. My mission in life is to point out shortfalls – including my own. If others, cross eyed, can’t see beyond their short little noses then it’s a matter of more sorrow to me then to them.

      So, my dear Kylie, relax. Nothing I can’t handle by myself. Tickets on the house.


      Comment by bitchontheblog — April 2, 2018 @ 14:33 | Reply

  4. I have largely avoided commenting on your ongoing situation other than a couple of short observations – fuggum and the pit bull comment. I did track down the other blogs and read. There was absolutely nothing that would ever lead me back – I found them perfectly benign.

    Comment by Chuck McConvey — April 2, 2018 @ 15:01 | Reply

    • I did take note of your “fuggum”, Chuck, some time ago. And good advice it is. In the meantime I listen to Sam Harris, Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens battling it out. Leaving Dawkins aside, Sam Harris is calm, a most admirable quality in a man; Hitchens, so very well mannered, is on a constant simmer – just below the boil. No wonder he died young. Give it a year or so and I’ll join him six foot under.

      Alas, dear Chuck, it’s not in the pit bull’s temperament to let things go fuggum. Otherwise I might as well have been born, say, a not moved much by anything big black Alsation like the one I grew up with, or a tiny New York bling handbag excuse of the species.

      Your last sentence an enigma. Whilst I nod in agreement that anyone with any sense wouldn’t be lead back, I am not sure where “benign” features.

      Last of the Easter egg munchies,

      Comment by bitchontheblog — April 2, 2018 @ 15:26 | Reply

      • when I use benign like that it easily translates as boring

        Comment by Chuck McConvey — April 2, 2018 @ 19:44 | Reply

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