Bitch on the Blog

April 8, 2017

Sins of our fathers

Filed under: Amusement,Family,High Finance — bitchontheblog @ 13:44
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To paraphrase the philosopher: That which breaks us breaks us.

If I were Trump’s child I’d get myself adopted by Bill Gates. Or anyone. Putin.

Yes, Sweethearts, shame by affiliation. You can’t beat it.

U

December 8, 2016

Arms

Filed under: Babes,Future,Health — bitchontheblog @ 17:18
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Not to put too fine a point on it: My father is barely older than me. On an even finer point, and my mother won’t mind me putting on the internet what is common knowledge, I was conceived – two virgins having falling in love and first time. You can’t beat it. No wonder, I am so healthy. I was born before either of them had a chance or a choice to wreck their bodies. Not that either ever did.

So it is with some dismay I have learned just now that Mick Jagger has fathered yet another child at the age of 73. I am sorry, guys. It’s disgusting. Not the fact that he shags a 29 year old. Do whatever you like. With a goat if all else fails. But FATHERING a child at any age over, say – for sake of argument – fifty? Nah. If you have to prove your manhood go fell a tree. Do time travel. Become a Viking. Invade England.

To put it another way: Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you should.

Marvel at nature. There is a reason women’s fertility shutting down before their eggs’ use by date. Jagger will go on forever. I can’t wait till he is a few years older. Kick a football with yet another son at age 100? And I am letting Rod Stewart off lightly – not because I like him but because he is short. As is Jagger – come to think of it.

U

September 10, 2013

Balls

Filed under: Amusement,Family — bitchontheblog @ 09:03
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First hilarity of the day served to me on a silver platter.

Women of this world: Before choosing a man to father your child line up as many men as possible, ask them to let their trousers down and do the rounds. No, this is not a re-enactment of  a Hieronymus Bosch painting – it is so you can compare size. No bull. A US Study tells me as early as eight this morning  that the size of testicles is directly linked to a man’s “childcare ability”. Holy cow. If there is one argument to overthrow ‘saving’ yourself for your wedding night it’s just been delivered.

To be fair to the study: Apparently size of testicles only accounts for one of five elements of what makes a good father. Can’t believe this ….

Oh, yes, and before I forget: The SMALLER your testicles the better a parent you will be. Get out your rulers, get measuring – for once you’ll be able to boast ‘mine are smaller than yours’, go home and still beat up the kids.

U

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