Bitch on the Blog

June 23, 2018

Schwarz Rot Gold

Filed under: Amusement,Dizzy,Formalities,Fun,Sport — bitchontheblog @ 21:14
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Never let it be said that I can’t make a complete ass of myself.

I walked into the lounge as chips were down in equal measure for both Sweden and Germany, and said: “I take it the ones in white black are the Germans.”

“Yes”.  You know the sort of yesssss (?) you get when people question whether you are still with it, if you ever were.

So far so fine. My intelligence doesn’t take easy offence at being questioned.

“The Swedish look like Ikea”, I offered. You know, blue and yellow.

The Angel who has known his mother from the word go didn’t flinch: “You, Mama, could be straight out of American Dad – or any program”. Then reminded me that blue and yellow are the colours of the Swedish flag. Ikea. As I said.




March 14, 2017


The other day I was forced to have my passport photo taken. I am most certainly not eye candy to the lens – as we all know some people photograph better than others, yet the question springing to mind: Why does EVERYone look like a criminal on a passport photo?

Don’t deny it. Don’t flatter yourself when lovingly gazing at your very own passport photo: You do look like a criminal. Maybe a petty thief rather than a fully blown bank robber – but still worthy of locking up for five minutes. Even the Angel does. And he photographs well. My sister does too – you could put her into a black bin liner and she’d still photograph well. A bit like David Bowie.

Completely lost my thread. That comes from writing long intros before getting to the point. I’ll get back to you once I am up to speed again.

And before I forget even more: You know WHY I look complete shite on a passport photo? Because NOW you are NOT supposed to smile any longer. My smile is my most important USP. I dare say my smile will let me off murder – even if it were in a court with the jury entirely female. I wish all future border control agents good luck. If you showed me my passport photo I’d only be able to (barely) identify myself by my eyes. The rest may go into the shredder.


December 28, 2011

Sitting duck

Filed under: Fairy Tales — bitchontheblog @ 15:04
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Sweet and Sour Hearts, we live in dangerous times. I am on the warpath. Pen poised. Paper in place. Yes, RESOLUTIONS.

There is always a first time for everything – a worrying thought – and this year I shall march resolutely across the threshold of an old to a new year with my banner of that which will NOT fail firmly in place. No, but thanks for asking, the banner is not blank. It’s crowded. It’s so crowded that the odd resolution falling by the wayside will not be noticed.

Good luck to you too.

Hugs and kisses,


May 16, 2011


Filed under: Happiness,History — bitchontheblog @ 09:41
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Only got a minute. Brief thought for the next 90 seconds:

If you want to go into something akin to hypnotic and zen like (minus the buzzer in your paradise) DO SHARPEN PENCILS. I can’t recommend it enough; particularly as a displacement activity on a Monday morning.

Tranquility will descend on you. If you only have ONE or two pencils in the house forget it. You need at least 20 – 30 (call me obsessive) found all round the house,  lovingly gathered. Then you’ll lose yourself by working that little stainless steel wonder called a pencil sharpener.

Make mine – and all several dozens of them are: STAEDTLER Noris HB 2, Made in Germany – hence unbreakable and come to think of it, bloody hell, never noticed this in many decades until just – as I write – glancing at one of my beloved specimens: Rot Schwarz Gold  (red, black, golden). Those into colours of flags, stars and stripes and all that, will know what I am referring to. I personally prefer the rubber tip version (top end) which then replaces the red  and lets you RUB OUT that which should never have been committed – to paper.

U, with plenty of shavings in my bin liner, England

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